Every Step, Every Choice

And The Journey Continues...

2011-07-01T16:37:00.000-05:00

Hi ~~friends~~ Mom! It's day 1 of my 4 day weekend and gosh can I say I love working a summer schedule! 5 hours a day 4 days a week is such a reward from the 50-60 hour weeks I put in during the school year. Yesterday I even got kicked out of my office an hour early because our carpets were going to be cleaned. School schedules rock! (Remind me of that come September!)

This week has been a decent week for food intake & exercise. I missed 1 day this week of the gym and surprisingly, I was really upset about it. I felt so ashamed of not going and was frustrated with myself. I also overate a couple of days and am having trouble quelling my sweet tooth but I've only been over calories 1 day with the rest remaining within my limit or limit + exercise range. I can tell I feel so much better when I exercise and have kicked butt in the gym this week. Even though I still need to go to bed earlier, I have more energy.

One thing I am learning through this process is that every day brings a fresh start, a clean slate. If I happen to not do so great one day, it doesn't mean I'm a complete failure or that I am forever doomed. Even if I feel that way. It just means that I have to get back on track and make a more concentrated effort the next day. I think that's why I haven't succeeded in the past-because I would have 1 bad day of food choices or not working out and I would throw in the proverbial towel. But MFP really helps with that as well in that every morning I start out with 1500 calories. What I do with those is up to me, especially if I use them wisely and add to them through exercise or if I waste them on a temporary fix. I'm learning that beating myself up obviously hasn't worked so now it's time to be real and focus on one step, one choice at a time.

With our trip to NC 2 weeks away (YAY!), I'm doing some prep work in researching some exercises I can do since we won't be in a gym for at least 10 days. The good thing is that my parents have a treadmill and lucky for me, walking/jogging are things I can do outside if necessary (even in summer heat). I'm also checking out strength training and other exercises that will keep me on track while we are gone. We'll be at family reunions (w/huge meals) for 2 days and I'm already prepping for that-a spoonful of the things I want, not a plateful-and then we head to the beach for a few days. That part I can't wait for! We'll be going to the same beach where Z & I honeymooned and I'm looking forward to having some rest and spending some QT with my parents as well. Visits with friends as well as a surprise for Z will cap off the week and I can't wait. I only wish we had more time overall but 10 days is pretty darn good for a vacay. Can you tell I'm excited???

Guess I've gone on enough for now and Z & I have to leave soon for dinner/swimming with friends so...Sayonara for now!

Personal Best

2011-06-25T23:23:00.000-05:00

Lemme just keep this short & sweet.

I set a personal best in the gym tonight: 12 minutes of jogging. That may not sound like much to a lot of people but to this 287 pound girl, it's a lot. And while it wasn't one long 12 minute stint (it was 7 and then 5), I'm pretty darn proud. You know why?

It's proof that I can do this.

It's proof that my body can handle it.

It's proof that I don't have to stay a 287 pound girl.

And one day, I won't be. You know why?

I'm taking it 12 minutes at a time.

I'm really tired...

2011-06-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

Of writing entries that I never post. That's been going on for a while now. But it is no more.

About 12 days ago, I hit my breaking point. Not with life but with myself. I am DONE being the fat girl. I am DONE being the fat friend. I am DONE thinking about all the time I've wasted being lazy and self-serving rather than being active and self-denying. And so, as of June 14, I'm officially on the quest for healthiness. I wanted to write as soon as I made that decision but I also know that I move very prematurely sometimes.

So I waited. Then I waited. And I waited just a bit more.

And while 12 days is still not very long, I can feel and see a change in myself this time. Out of the past 11 days (my resolution was made late in the evening on day 1), I have been in the gym 10 days. I have a system, a rotation of sorts that helps me get in enough cardio and strength training. Hopefully on Monday, I'll be starting 2 a days meaning I'll be in the gym 2 times a day. With my summer work schedule (9am-2pm Monday through Thursday) I feel I'll be able to complete that challenge even though it is something I've never tried before. Heck, being in the gym once a day is barely something I've ever done before.

Paired with my time in the gym, I've also taken on healthier eating habits. Gone are the days of eating out twice a day or eating an entire entree by myself. Gone are the days of coming home from work and vegging on chips, Oreos or cake. Lately, my choices include more protein, fruits and veggies. I'm drinking more water and am trying to consume less processed food. A typical day of eating looks like this...

8:30am - 2 egg omelet w/ .25 cup cheddar cheese on .5 sandwich thin (This keeps me full for at least 4 hours.)

12:00 or 12:30pm - Carrot sticks with honey mustard; a turkey sandwich and yogurt; or a protein shake

5:00 or 6:00pm - Healthy dinner of something like nachos, oven-baked chicken tenders w/potatoes, veggie stir-fry w/brown rice, etc.

9:00pm - Snack of fruit & whipped cream or a cookie (Z has been making them lately)

That may not look like a lot but it's keeping me on my 1500 calories target and keeps me full all day. I think I'm most proud of this accomplishment.

To help me keep up with everything, I've been using an awesome app/online tool (MFP-myfitnesspal.com) and I'm aiming to hit 1500 calories per day. After setting up my basic profile, MFP tracks my food intake and keeps me on target for calorie, fat, carb, & protein intake. It has basically every food you can think of in its database and even has a way to just add calories if you know those and the food is not in the database. In addition to food, it also tracks water intake as well as daily exercise. The exercise database calculates the calories burned by an exercise in its database and then refigures the total number of calories per day by adding calories burned by exercise to the preset calorie goal. I can also weigh in and it will track my weight loss as well as having a community to use for encouragement, recipes, etc.

I'm hoping that all of the above mentioned items will create a 'perfect storm'. In the past, I have definitely started this journey and ended it basically before it even began but this time is different. I will not remain a 287 pound woman for the rest of my life. I am committed to being healthy for myself and my family (present and future). I was made for more than what I am now and only when I rely on God and push myself to continue this journey will I succeed. Failure is not an option and that's how I intend to think for the rest of my life. Which leads me to my way of thinking-a topic I'll be writing on next.

For now, I'm off to make the most of this Saturday afternoon and evening. And from me to you, make every step and every choice count!

Bethany

Grab Your Gym Bag

2011-03-13T19:16:00.001-05:00

I just got home from a good workout at the gym.

Now there's a statement I never thought I'd type. But yes, it is true. I've always been a little terrified of gyms-scared that everyone's pointing and laughing at me (on the inside) and there are so many machines with so many different uses that I felt like I would never get the hang of it. In the past, I've gone to the gym at my college, two at different churches but this is the first fitness center that I have ever joined and paid for. Back in December, when I was really wanting to make a change in my health, we found Premier Fitness which we tried out for a few weeks (thanks to the management) and really came to like. They have a very diverse cardio area with numerous treadmills, ellipticals, stairclimbers and stationary bicycles. I've tried out all 4 of those and definitely enjoy the treadmill the most: a) because I can walk all day long (after 2 minutes on the bikes or elliptical, I can barely breathe); b) almost every treadmill has its own tv so I can watch a good show to pass the time; c) I feel that I know how to control my workout better with the options on the machine.

In addition to different group fitness classes (i.e. Zumba, spinning, cardio) Premier also has a huge weight lifting floor with additional space set aside for improv workouts with stability balls, jump ropes, and mats. I really love machines that are free weight style and use them pretty regularly. I find they are much like the ones I first learned in middle school with that crazy P.E. teacher of mine, Ms. Carter.

Aha! I may have found the reason I've been so afraid of gyms. Ms. Carter was quite an interesting character as the softball coach who only shaved her legs up to her knees but always wore shorts a few inches above that. I remember her super tan legs with all that blond hair showing. Ugh! Anyway, during the weightlifting portion of gym class, we would do circuits and rotate through various stations in the weight room and I remember how much I hated that. Mainly because I was always the weakest person in the class and also because if we didn't do a certain station correctly, she would bark orders like she was the queen German Shepherd. And I suppose she was but it still scared me.

For me, working out has always been viewed as a chore, something that should be done even though it's not all that great. First you gotta figure out where to workout, then what time, find gym clothes/water bottle/ipod/good music, then decide if you're doing a full work out or going light, decide about joining a class, make sure you don't fall while you'e there, etc., etc., etc. But you know, sometimes you just have to do like Nike said and "Just do it!" I'm really trying to work on my attitude to improve my chances of success with staying in the gym. I just have to make myself do it. Today, I would have totally rather taken a nap but I laid down for about 10 minutes and then just made myself go. When I got there, I pushed myself and kept thinking (and believing) that I could succeed. I did. And that's what I have to keep doing. I believe that it will be key for me especially this summer when the temperatures are in the 100's and I'm not able to exercise much outside-'cause you know TX has some HOT summers! Anyway, I just want to encourage myself to stay in the gym-find the best time to workout and just do it. In the end, it is just like a friend of mine said, "Going to the gym makes you feel skinny even when you're not." Eventually, I will be. : )

Current weight: 291 lbs.
Goal weight: 175 lbs.
Total to lose: 116 lbs.

Still working toward healthiness,
Bethany

10 Things

2011-03-12T00:05:00.000-06:00

Inspired by a new blog I'm following, I decided to post my first 10 reasons I'm excited to reach my goal weight. Don't laugh (but it's ok if you do because I can't hear you).

1. Wearing a bikini
2. Pulling off the skinny jeans w/tall boots look
3. Outdoor running in cute workout clothes
4. Wearing cute dresses in the summer (even strapless!)
5. Taking dance classes/lessons (I'd love to take a hip-hop class)
6. Flying without having my hips invade the personal space of my neighbors
7. Having pretty underoos :)
8. Being able to go up a full flight of stairs without being winded
9. Having more energy to play and be active
10. Being able to cross my legs for extended periods of time without either of them falling asleep

What's keeping you motivated???

Good thoughts of success to you all, my loves!

Bethany

The 1st Step

2011-03-03T20:12:00.001-06:00

It's been a while, huh? I'm not even going to try to make up for my absence nor recap my life over the past 11 months. I will just provide a few details about life as I now know it and then explain my reason for reappearance.

Life is good for Z & I. We're still in TX and I'm at the same charter school I've been at for about 1.5 years now. The only difference? Z works there now too. Actually, he's about 10 feet from me all day-we share a desk. While I'm still handling all things front office related (i.e. enrollment, school lunch program, parent requests, teacher requests, admin assistant-ish things), he's taking care of all things PEIMS (state reports) and is the attendance officer as well as assistant IT guy. He's been there since August and while I won't go into all the details, it really has been a blessing. We now both know what it's like to work in such a great environment with amazing (unwritten) benefits and under decent leadership. And our school is the first iSchool in Texas-check out ischoolcampus.org and cumberlandacademy.com (which will be new and improved very soon) for more details.

We are starting to be more faithful and get more involved in church after a brief hiatus for personal reasons. God is really beginning to stir our hearts in different areas and we're looking forward to what the future holds. There's also a new member of our family:

Meet Oscar. He's our 4 month old Yorkie that Z surprised me with for Valentine's day this year. We had fallen in love with the yorkie that some of our friends have and I had puppy fever. I figure, better a dog than a kid. Oscar is learning to use puppy pads and is a playful little guy even if he is the quietest. dog. ever. No barking or whining at his first vet visit (which included shots) and he's super laid back and loves to cuddle. (Z says he got the perfect dog for me-we love cuddling...see below.)

Now for the reason I'm back to blogging (and hopefully not making this entirely too long).

A few months ago, I really got my booty into gear with working out and eating healthier. Z & I were hitting the gym 5+ days a week and on Weight Watchers, I was doing great at keeping track of what I ate. I lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks and was feeling good. Until I got sick. And then, I used my sickness as an excuse. And have been even to this day.

I'm tired of the excuses and ridiculous reasons I come up with about not being able to eat right or not going to the gym. So this time, I'm becoming accountable. To you. But more importantly, to myself. I know I don't have many readers and I may never have more than my mom and my husband. But I figure if I at least start writing about my journey to healthiness, I can be aware of the person I am, the person I'm becoming and the decisions I make.

With these newest posts, I plan to have weigh-ins, post pictures, write reflections and summaries of how I'm spending my days and what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. I want to have some memories of my current life and be able to really see the transformation taking place-what better way to keep up with all of those things than the written word.

For the record, my heaviest weight was somewhere around 300 pounds. 300 POUNDS!!! Yes, you read that right. I'm not proud of that. Today, I hover around 290 and while I'm not obsessive about the numbers on a scale, my numbers OBVIOUSLY show I have a long road ahead of me. I'm back to tracking my food/activity on Weight Watchers and plan to let the gym kick my booty again soon. Join me if you'd like as I make this trek to a healthier life and if you choose not to, I'll just keep moving forward for the person it matters to the most: ME.

One step at a time, one choice at a time...

Bethany

Ah, To Be Young Again

2010-04-19T19:12:00.000-05:00

Since I am homebound for the evening and have been since noon today, it's time for an update. I'm actually bored out of my mind even though I have a few things to get done and I've already been pretty productive for someone who has a sever sinus infection, no voice, and can't stop coughing to save my life.

There's not too much to say since my last post yesterday. It's funny how when I'm busy I want to be home but when I'm stuck at home, I desperately want to be busy. When I woke up this morning and barely had a voice, I decided that a doctor's visit was in order. So I went ahead to work and called the doc 15 minutes after they opened. I was in and out of there in 30 minutes so after dropping off my prescription, picking up breakfast and working a bit longer, I made my way home. I was online for a bit and tried to sleep but could only doze. So I got up and did what any sick person would do.

I made pancakes, washed dishes, filed bills, organized my planner, rearranged kitchen cabinets, took out the trash, wrote a birthday card, checked e-mails and here I am. I definitely don't like this whole "lay around the house all day" thing which is why I would never be a good housewife. I'd at least have to volunteer or work part time. (And I am definitely not opposed to either of those options.)

Since The Refining (my girls' small group meeting) last night, I haven't really been able to stop thinking about them. I had 5 teenage girls 13-17 and in all honesty, I had no idea what to do with them. Our lesson was about feeling invisible and how we aren't invisible to God but they shared so much more than I imagined they would. I am amazed at how much young women determine their value based on what boys say about them. Or even their friends. My heart breaks for them and longs for them to understand that the only opinion that matters is God's. But I catch myself, even before I say something that sounds like it came straight out of my mother's mouth, remembering how I felt at 15 and what I wouldn't have given to have just 1 boy tell me I was beautiful. The extra sad thing about this? All of those girls are beautiful and have no idea how much potential they have. But then again, at their age, neither did I. It's so ironic how similar we (girls) all are and how much we long for the same things and really just desire acceptance and love. And no matter how long I preach that God created us exactly how He wants us to be and loves us beyond anything we could ever imagine, we still just desire human love and affection-myself included. I can't tell you how many times I catch myself wishing for the days of my teenage years again and what I would do differently and how great my friends were. And then I remember the angst that every teenage girl feels and all the time I wasted focusing on boys or how good/bad I looked. As the phrase says, "If I had known then what I know now..."

I just pray God is helping them through me. I pray that they would learn to love and accept themselves as the radiant and beautiful young ladies that I know they are. And above all else to seek the approval of the only One who truly matters...

For His smile,
B

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

Busy, Busy

2010-04-18T10:02:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm over a month overdue for a post. And I would apologize for that if I felt sorry. But I don't. These past 5 weeks have been jammed full of "stuff". After spring break week-which ended wonderfully with our few days away in big D-work kinda spun outta control. Apparently, spring break signifies "the point in which we stop working" to the kids and teachers. A fact which I have forgotten since my elementary school days. Everyone's been stressed to the max and we still have some TAKS tests (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) to go. Not to mention I've been preparing paperwork for 500 packets to be given to new and returning students this coming week. Thankfully, I had a parent volunteer and my sweet husband to help me finish all of them. Otherwise, I'd be going crazy over finishing them. Needless to say, the next 6 weeks should be quite interesting as things start to wind down. And I'm just hanging on til summer break. Once the kids are gone, my days shorten and I'm pretty sure I'm off on Fridays. Hallelujah! Thank ya Jesus!

I'm supposed to be at church right now but Friday, I had the WORST sore throat ever accompanied by tons of drainage-yep, I just said that. Yesterday was ok but my breathing was still quite constricted and when I woke up this morning, everything had shifted and it all felt like it was moving to my chest. I've already battled pollen and won and we are FINALLY getting a good rain (after 2-3 weeks without much beyond some sprinkles of showers) so I'm hoping I can fight this off pretty easily. Z is the best and told me to stay home and get some rest so I can be ready to teach The Refining (my girls' small group) tonight. So here I am, listening to David Crowder and writing from bed.

I can't believe I didn't even write about the youth pastors' retreat because HELLO! It changed my life. Yeah, in some small ways but Z and I had so much fun and hung out with such cool people. We just really received much needed refreshing and were able to spend some good, quality time together. And we stayed at this AWESOME hotel which was just perfect and beautiful. (As a side note-I would just like to say that I LOVE heated pools.) I'm looking forward to the end of the month because we're attending a live recording at Christ For the Nations Institute for free and may get to stay at the same hotel.

The end of school may translate into a slow time for me at work but it means MAJOR acceleration with youth activities. We're 7 weeks away from our mission trip to D.C. I'm very excited but I'm just praying God will prick the hearts of our church people to support us in our endeavor. Our kids are going to have some amazing opportunities to see what true missions is all about instead of just giving it lip service or throwing money at it like so many people do. I believe this trip will literally change their lives.

We'll also be heading to youth camp in July and having pool parties, overnighters, and all the other fun events that make youth pastoring so "rewarding". Ha! We've got a 30 Hour Famine planned for the upcoming weekend and then 2 weeks after that is Fine Arts competition. Both of which are overnight events but will be fun to attend. I'm looking forward to being able to spend more time with the kids since my job will allow me that opportunity unlike last summer. Our kids are making some serious spiritual advances and I'm so proud of them and the time Z is pouring into them.

Speaking of Z, he and I are still working on our weight loss. We've both lost 7 pounds and I'm so proud of both us for sticking with it. We didn't get to the gym as much as we'd hoped last week but it's a new day and we should make it this week. Yes, we want to lose weight but we're learning a lot about just living healthfully and making better choices. We're both drinking water exclusively (with a sweet tea thrown in maybe once a week) and overall, just feeling better. With working the weights at the gym, we're also feeling ourselves becoming stronger and toning up our muscles. It's amazing how much better we both feel.

Well, this post is ENTIRELY too long. So sorry but thanks for reading. Hopefully it won't take me so long to update next time. By the way, I didn't even touch on Easter Sunday or our church's building dedication but both were a great success. And you should check out this song I sang for Easter-had me crying by the end of hearing it the first time. Truly, we are the reason He had to die.

Thankful for His sacrifice,
B
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

SB Day 3: Running Fast

2010-03-10T17:17:00.000-06:00

Today has been a BUSY day but so productive. I've been able to sleep a bit better although last night I went to bed with a headache-which has become more and more common. Z & I talked last night trying to figure out why I've had a headache almost every day for the past 2 weeks but didn't reach any conclusions and I haven't had one today so we'll see. It's not caffeine because I've still been drinking coffee and I can't really isolate any other reason. It's very frustrating but if I have to, I'll figure it out by trial and error.

Yesterday was spent eating lunch and bowling with the youth. We took 17 of our group and I think everyone had a good time. They are so funny and have such great personalities to be around. Last night we went over to my Grandmother's and had dinner with her-lots of veggies and some chicken. And some VERY tart pink lemonade. Today I've been running errands all day-car oil changed/inspected, bought new pillows for the master bed, bought a bathroom scale & set of strainers, bought some zebra jewelry, took a pair of my shoes & a pair of grandma's shoes to have the heels repaired, went to the post office and am getting ready to go to church and take the kids out to Whataburger. Wow-I'm tired just thinking about all that! I'm also doing laundry and getting things ready for our weekend trip :) I can't wait to get out of town and just enjoy time away from the hectic lives we lead here at home.

Well, that's all I have time for right now but rest assured-after our weekend away, there will definitely be some great updates! Everyone have a fabulous weekend & I'll check back in on Sunday or so...

Blessings,
Bethany

P.S. Healthy eating habits haven't gone completely by the wayside but I have a feeling this weekend isn't going to help things. On the plus side, I am hoping to get some walking in as we trek around the campgrounds. Maybe it will all even out!

SB Day 1: Sleep, Oh How I Miss Thee!

2010-03-08T21:36:00.000-06:00

It has been quite the productive 1st day of spring break for me. Although I was up way too late last night, I got up (read-woke up) around 7:45 this morning. I know that's not early to most of you but when it's your 1st day of a week off...HELLO! Sleep, why aren't you my friend???

So I got up and made Z a quick breakfast of cheese eggs & toast-YUM-and then did a few house chores and met him at his office. We ran a few errands and had lunch together and I'm pleased to say that in 7-10 business days, I will officially be Bethany Ann Parker. Let me chase a quick rabbit here...

I've had quite a hangup regarding my name change since Z & I got married. Yes, my new name is Parker but there is a part of me that doesn't want to forget my roots, where I came from, because that's who I am or at least it has made me who I am. My family is a very important reason I am the woman I am today. So this whole name-changing process has me a bit torn. I really hate having to leave out part of my name, really I do. On the plus side, I don't have to change my monogram and I do like that I'm still BAP. :) So Mom, if you're reading, now you know the truth. (And yes, I do know how trivial this is to most people but it's kinda a big deal to me.)

Anyway, the wait time really wasn't bad at the social security office or at the DMV so I was able to finish that up pretty quickly and then come home and try to organize my music library. I have SO much music (read - cds) that I hardly know what to do with them all. But I'm making some progress. Dinner was enchilada casserole that turned out really good. I was quite full from that and some mexican rice (that I make by just adding salsa & taco seasoning to white rice). After my apple I realized that I had done pretty well today considering it's my 1st day of break. Granted, we still have the rest of the week to go but Z is helping me and we're doing well at staying on track.

Well, that's it for now. Tomorrow I have several things I want to cross off my spring break list including getting some of my recipes organized and getting my car inspected. We also will be having lunch & bowling with the youth and then heading to Grandmother's for dinner. Looking forward to another busy day...hopefully with a little more sleep.

Night night,
Bethany

SPRING BREAK :)

2010-03-07T21:44:00.000-06:00

It is Sunday night of the week of spring break and I am SO thankful! I've been looking forward to this week for a while now and can't wait for all the excitement that is planned. I won't detail it now but how 'bout a little listy-list to share a few upcoming events:

1. Update social security card & DL w/married name :)
2. Workout at least 3 days this week
3. Eat lunch & go bowling w/youth
4. Visit grandma
5. Out to eat for Wednesday youth service
6. Organize/clean the house
7. Start recipe book (collecting & organizing the ones I have)
8. Help Z w/youth stuff
9. Organize Z's office :)
10. Finish editing my grandmother's picture book from her 90th birthday party
11. Clean inside/outside of my car
12. Head to Lakeview for a few days of relaxation & Dallas adventures w/ Z (YAY!)

I've got lots to get done but am so excited. I think this break is exactly why I've been needing to get me a bit more motivated in some departments and I'm SO looking forward to it.

Tonight was a good night of girl time w/the youth group girls from church. We started our small group ministry tonight and ours is called The Refining symbolizing that God is refining us and taking all our impurities and making us pure. Z & I are both SO excited about the direction this ministry is headed and we can't wait to see what God is going to do in the lives of our teens. They are precious kids and I only pray that they realize how much more the Father loves them than we do. We've had a lot of fun with them lately.

About the healthy living journey... It hasn't been all bad lately-just haven't made as many healthy decisions as I should. Yesterday we celebrated Z's dad's birthday in Rockwall at Gloria's and we all know how I LOVE me some Mexican food! It was the PERFECT day for being down by the lake-mid 60's, sunny w/a breeze-so we ate outside and then walked down by the water. We took some fun photos and then had Coldstone ice cream (where I LOVE the cheesecake & cinnamon mixed). But that plus and a little fruit and a fiber bar was all I had. I definitely need to drink more water and I'm hoping to get my workouts in this week. Some of the girls from youth want to go walk/workout with me so we may try to do that since everyone's off. Overall I feel good and am really proud of Z and myself for being so serious about this. We even gave up PIZZA today to come home and have beef tips and rice. So the health train is still rolling-hopefully it's picking back up after slowing down a little for the weekend.

Well, I better go get a little snack before heading to bed. Busy day tomorrow with all the errands I need to run but looking forward to extra time to sleep :)

Blessings,
Bethany

1 More Day

2010-03-04T21:14:00.001-06:00

Just a quick post because I'm super tired tonight (and it's only 9pm-I am such a grandma).

Today has been a decent day-busy at work and didn't feel like myself all day but this afternoon, Z & I took a 1.5 mile walk and I'm feeling much better. Afterward, I made mexican chicken (w/black beans, corn, salsa, & taco seasoning) & rice and we finished off the triple fruit chocolate pudding. I am still very full-should have cut back on my rice portion-and my eyes are getting heavy.

The sounds of crickets outside my door right now has me SO looking forward to spring and the fact that it will be 60+ degrees for the next 10 days here. Even if it's raining, I'm happy for the impending season change. It was so nice to get outside tonight to walk-I really think I just needed some fresh air to shove me out of the 'bleh' mode.

My calorie intake wasn't too bad today and I've had the most physical activity I've had in a while. Z joined the weight loss train too but we're terming it 'healthy living' just so we both stay motivated and don't get to stressed. He's especially fond of reading up on the current life topic and is really enjoying this guy.

So the next few days and coming weeks are sure to be a challenge but I'm so glad to be making this change now and not waiting until after kids come along or my schedule gets too busy. I already have so many excuses not to live healthily, I don't need any help in that front. However, I'm definitely not claiming that I will be at x pounds by x date. I'm taking this whole journey one day at a time and one decision at a time. That's what it's all about right? Better decisions for a better me.

Until next time,
Bethany

P.S. One more day of school 'til spring break and I am ECSTATIC!!!

Bettering BAP

2010-03-03T14:55:00.000-06:00

A very important shift has happened in my life over the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure of the precise moment it happened or what even triggered it but I am determined to make it last. A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a blog by Amanda, entitled Another Prior Fat Girl. Don't ask me how I found her because I honestly don't even know but I do know it significantly impacted my life. After I read all of her posts about her dramatic weight loss, I read from her inspiration and friend Jen, the original Prior Fat Girl. These two ladies' amazing journey through their loss of a significant amount of weight coupled with the fact that they are around my age inspired me to again attempt the journey myself. The only difference? This time it seems to have stuck.

In all the prior diet attempts I've made, I reduce the amount of all the things I'm eating and do some cardio exercise. Only 1 of those multiple attempts has ever been successful for me and then I lost about 35 lbs. only to gain it and more back when my disciplined lifestyle ran away to hide for awhile.

But after reading those blogs and seeing the techniques that every day people (like me) use, I truly am inspired. I can't tell you how many things are on my list to try or that I have tried due to the exposure just from those two girls (including but not limited to chicken, bacon artichoke deLite pizza; aluminum water bottles; 45 calorie bread; triple fruit white chocolate pudding; Hungry Girl daily e-mails & cookbook). My eyes have been opened to so much-especially how many calories I was eating (WAY too many) and how the foods I ate so drastically affected my life, mood, relationships, etc.

And now, here I am. I've been tracking my food/calories since February 22, 2010 and have been consciously making better choices in many areas of my life and just plain thinking healthier. Z and I have researched so many healthy options and I can't wait for my next paycheck so I can go to the store and explore them. There are fruits and veggies that I'm dying to give a chance and soups and dairy products I never dreamed about putting in my cart but I can't wait! The really awesome thing is that since I began this journey a little over a week ago, I feel so much better! At first I was a little scared of getting hungry and not being able to fill up but now, I can hardly eat all things I prepare ahead of time.

I start my day with my travel mug of coffee & creamer ('cause I just haven't been able to give that up) and on work days am having a banana by 9am. At 10:15 or so I fill up with either a fiber or nut bar that helps me make it to lunch. So many options are available for lunch-which I eat at 12 or 12:30 but one of my faves is a pb&j on 45 calorie bread with low sugar grape jelly (which I grew up on and has now caused me to not be able to eat regular jelly-FAR too sweet for me). I usually have that with 27 Cheez-its = 1 serving and an apple immediately following or shortly after. Today for lunch I had leftover taco soup from last week that was seasoned perfection and 4 saltine crackers along with my apple. For a snack I may have some peanuts or some chocolate cheerios-which are new & fabulous by the way-if I get hungry around 3pm. By the time I get home-and I bring at least 2 extra snacks home that I didn't eat throughout the day-I'm pretty hungry so I may snack on some light butter popcorn or some carrots and a little honey mustard. For dinner, Z and I usually cook during the week so we'll have MUCH smaller portions than normal of a well-balanced meal and I'm learning the art of low-cal dessert options (like the triple fruit white chocolate pudding I mentioned).

As usual, the hardest place for me to cutback is at restaurants. Like last night, I met one of our youth and her mom at Cheddar's and I REALLY wanted to eat. Not just nibble but EAT. However, I had just walked 1.25 miles and made myself eat carrots and honey mustard (I am not a rabbit fo' sho' y'all) and I surely didn't want to ruin all the progress I had made. So I did what any fat girl trying to be healthy would do: reviewed the menu for something semi-healthy and then ordered the smokehouse burger, no pickles, sauce on the side and no side to go with it. When it came I cut it in half, took off the bottom and then ate that 1/2, 5 of my friends' fries, and 3 onion rings from the appetizer. When I finished, I wasn't bursting at the seams and was kinda tempted to eat the other half but I could definitely tell that if I did, I would be miserable. I even just drank water with my meal-not the sugary sweet tea that I am so fond of. Arriving home, I had an attack of my sweet tooth so I had a small dessert of the triple berry pudding from Monday and drank more water (I had 84 ounces of H20 yesterday).

I was so proud of myself for not giving in and eating too much. I am doing my best to make sure this lifestyle change sticks and even push myself through the processed food aisles at the store faster so I can linger with the fruits and veggies. I am drinking SO MUCH AGUA but my body is finally adjusting to it = I don't have to excuse myself to the restroom every hour anymore. And I am determined to get more exercise in. More and longer walks paired with some Hip Hop Abs (cheesy as it is) and some usage of the exercise ball are my plan of attack. That's what worked in the activity department last time I lost weight and I'm planning to incorporate those into my plan now.

Wow, this is a long post. Sorry-didn't mean to be so verbose but I hope you can see my excitement about getting my body and mind in shape. :) This won't become the focus of my blog but it will impact what I write about so please forgive the ups and downs of this 'BAP on her beat the belly campaign'. Words of encouragement or helpful info are welcome so feel free to throw the comments in and thanks for sticking with me through this journey to a better me. I wanna be a prior fat girl!

Blessings,
Bethany

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

In Like A Lion...

2010-03-01T19:30:00.007-06:00

March has officially arrived sneaking in on February's coattails! And I still haven't disciplined myself enough to write consistently. But onward we go...

The 90th birthday party for grandmother was a huge success! My mom worked her li'l booty off and I think she'd agree that it was worth it. Here's a picture of all the family together on party day:

And here's grandmother with her cake:

And another of the food table:

Everything was delicious and most of it was homemade. And since I did a lot of the decorating, I told mom we should definitely start our own event planning business and offer catering. I think we'd make a good team but neither of us has the cash flow to start it. Needless to say, a good time was had by all and it was great to see all the family.

February seemed to fly by but that was prob'ly because I was sidelined by a hideous head cold for about 2 weeks. Now all of a sudden, it's March. We celebrated the groundbreaking of the school I work for on the 19th of last month and I am super excited that it will be 1 of 2 iSchools in the country. We will be turning people away for sure now and I'm glad to be a part of such an innovative organization (and a place where I will ALWAYS meet my daily quota of hugs-love 'em!).

This past weekend was quite busy for Z & I. After a bit of an itinerary mishap with my mom flying back to NC (dad and brothers drove back last Monday), she stayed with us from Saturday afternoon until this morning. So after a laundry-filled Friday night, we had a low-key youth fundraiser Saturday morning and then headed to get mom from grandma's. After rescheduling flights at the airport, we headed to AT&T to fix Z's phone bill and then on to Sonic for a Low-cal Cherry Limeade (more on that later) and Target where we discovered some great finds! We all laughed a lot and enjoyed just being together.

Yesterday was 2 church services (I sang a solo in the AM & the youth did the PM w/Z preaching), a meet & greet w/the church staff, & a parent meeting for youth members. All went fine but after doing all that plus cleaning up the house in the afternoon, I didn't even make it all the way through Julie & Julia that we rented (such a great movie-very inspiring for a cook). So we hit the sheets around 11.

It's the last week of school before spring break and I CANNOT WAIT! Z & I have some special plans and I am planning to catch up on rest and do some projects around the house. It will be an entire glorious week of getting to do what I want to do. :)

Ok, that's all for now. A new update is coming very soon...and hopefully even more after that but I make no promises.

Blessings,
Bethany

And You Thought I'd Given Up...Again

2010-02-06T22:22:00.003-06:00

Nope, I'm still around. Just running as hard and fast as ever. My week has been slammed FULL of chaos and I can happily say that the cure for that was almost 12 hours of sleep last night. And man, did that feel good. As I stated on Monday, having administrators out of the office is no fun (for me, anyway) and seeing as how I had at least one of them out every day, there was a big ol' lack of fun in my office. I was telling my mom the other day that I honestly cannot tell you what happens between 7:30am & 4pm every work day. After 8.5 hours at work with 300+ people relying on me, I can't really remember a single thing that happened. That's sad to not remember over a 1/3 of my day but that's how fast my mind runs. Oh well...

We had moving day at our church today (which sounds really strange to say). They've been in a temporary situation for 2.5 years now and we just got our certificate of occupancy from the city this week so we were finally able to start moving things in. There was much disbelief about how much stuff (aka junk) had been in 5 storage rooms and by the time we left, I was just ready to toss everything into the trash pile (I felt like Niecy from Clean Sweep). But at least the biggest chunk of all that moving/organizing is done. Now if we can just find Z a nice, small desk...

This is so sad but I am pooped so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say goodbye already. Yes, I'll be back-I'm doing my best to keep y'all posted. So take care until next time! Blessings on you!

~Bethany

P.S. Only 1 more week til Mom & Dad are in town for Grandma's 90th and I CAN'T WAIT!!! Good times to come :)

February, How I Love Thee

2010-02-01T19:44:00.003-06:00

It's the evening of the 1st day of one of my favorite months and right now, I'm just thankful I survived it. With all 3 admins gone to an out of town meeting, I am lucky to be alive. 3 MIA admins+240 sad-the-wkend-is-over kids=1 very crazed/drained school secretary. Overall, it was a good day (I've def had worse) and I still love my job. Here is my day in numbers:

22 - the # of kids who needed the nurse (me)
3 - the # of kids who got sent to the principal's office
137,592 - the # of phone calls I answered (at least it felt like it)
5 - the # of people I told about our new school and what we offer
25 - the # of teachers who asked me for something
17 - the # of things I had on my desk at 3pm and had to clear off by 4
0 - the # of breaks I took today
1 - the # of corndogs I ate for lunch (Can I get an amen for corndog day?)
11 - the # of people who tried to 'help' me do my job
8 - the # of times I walked the entire school looking for someone/something
0 - the # of times I'd trade my job to go back to insurance (or most any other profession)

So like I said, all in all I had a decent day.

The weekend turned out quite interesting since Z and I stole away to Lakeview for a few hours. We made it a nice overnight date and minus the bruise on my hip that's bigger than my hand (which I'll spare your eyes from viewing), it was a good getaway.

Side story: I had a little slip up in the shower at the camp grounds Saturday morning that left the aforementioned bruise. Z had gone to his morning meeting and I was getting ready in the cabin (which turned out to be a nice 2 bed/2 bath house). Let's just say that soft water and a tub with no tread on the bottom do not like me, standing on 1 leg getting ready to shave. As soon as I hit the floor of the shower and realized what had happened, I repeated to myself over and over (out loud) "You're ok, you're ok, you're ok". Sometimes you just need to give yourself a little pep talk. So I assessed the situation and came to these conclusions:

1. I had hit my head but was not going to pass out. I willed myself not to pass out because I most certainly was not going to have a camp staffer see the cabin leaking water out of every crevice and find me laying naked in a tub full of water.

2. I had 2 choices, I could either lay there (like I remember from all those Lifetime movies I've watched) and let said staffer find my dead, naked body or I could get myself up and get the shower curtain that I pulled down re-hung and get it together.

I chose the latter. And while my body was definitely not happy about having moved in such a way that it was so unfamiliar with, I am glad I chose to salvage my pride. I didn't have a bruise until about 5 hours later (so I couldn't even prove to Z that I really had fallen until much later) but boy, did it appear when it finally found the surface of my skin. Yes, I am still sore and yes, this bruise will inevitably last until October but by golly, I still have my pride. That is, until ~~the hundreds of you~~ my mother reads this and tells all my friends to check my blog.

Nonetheless, February is one of my favorite months for many reasons.

1. Most years, it has 28 days which means there are 4 perfect weeks and that means the days & dates for February match the days & dates for March.
2. The years it has 29 days just make it that much cooler because what other month gets to add an extra day to itself?
3. My favorite holiday is in February. Valentine's day has always been of utmost importance to me ever since my infatuation with hot pink and royal purple began at the age of 4. I love love and I love sharing gifts of love. Hearts are definitely my thing and I like to think that I can celebrate Valentine's day all month long.
4. Have you seen the cute stuff you can buy at Target & Walmart for V-day? Especially if you wait until February 15th.
5. There is an endless chasm full of heart-shaped things to make at home and I LOVE browsing those options.

As you can tell, February is a favorite month of mine. And this February is one of the best since my family is coming to visit. My Grandmother is turning 90 on February 16th and my mom is throwing a little shindig for her and so the fam is all getting together. Side note: this is my grandmother who picked up her new eyeglasses and then directly went and renewed her driver's license. Watch out. But it will be a fun celebration and I look forward to seeing everyone.

That's all for today, folks. I'm heading to finish some wifely duties and get my tired self in bed. Blessings to you all for a terrific Tuesday!

~BAPP

How do you summarize 6 months???

2010-01-29T10:22:00.003-06:00

The answer: You don't.

Instead of trying to recap the past 6 months of my life, I figure I'll settle for the next best thing (at least in my opinion) which is inform you of my daily life. I have really missed writing and being able to express myself but I'm finding little pockets in my day when I can get a few lines written here and there. So here we go again...and I really am gonna try.

The weekend is finally upon us and I couldn't be more ready. Z & I are slipping out of town for a night and heading up to the Assemblies of God campgrounds just outside of Waxahachie. I'm very excited to just be able to get some rest but also to spend some quality time with him in our free little cabin just off the lake. Thank goodness the AG gives every minister 5 free nights a year. I can see this becoming a habit-one that is much needed. We need a little "no cell phones/no church stuff" time and I can't wait! (We're also gonna see his family and I am glad to spend some time with them since we haven't seen them much lately. Plus, Big D is cooking-yum!)

Just as an fyi for any readers other than my mom, I am working full-time for a charter school as the secretary and absolutely love it. I see the kids enough to meet my hug quota every day but also am not trapped with them all day. It was a little overwhelming at first but I've been with them since mid-September and have gotten most all of it under control. Last week was the end of my time with the temp agency that got me in here and I'm so excited to be them full-time now and starting my contract in August. It is such a blessing to go to work every day and not dread it and have the opportunity to be Jesus to little kids. They are so loving and I have SO many funny stories (which I'm sure will end up on the blog)-I am blessed. The hours are great and I have a month off in the summer, 2 weeks at Christmas, 1 week for spring break, and the occasional holiday/flexible hours so it couldn't work better for me and Z as we work with the youth.

Almost 6 months of wedded bliss and things are going splendidly. The occasional clash has occurred but no major battles. (I know, I know-you marriage veterans are screaming "They will come!".) But we have been fortunate enough to have the Lord working for us and through us and have worked through our "opportunities for compromise" quite swimmingly. (And now I am British apparently.) I am so thankful for my husband who loves God and loves me and treats me like a queen. I honestly couldn't ask for better.

As a side note, I have now laced 2 shoes, delivered 1 lunch, dealt with 1 stomachache, 1 toothache, 1 busted lip, conferred with 3 teachers and handled the front office workings and it's not even lunch time. But these days, that's an easy morning.

Until the next adventure,
Bethany

And yes, there will be more of this to come-I forgot how simple and therapeutic it was.

A happy little list

2009-09-08T15:15:00.005-05:00

A little teaser of the wedding pix-this is me & Z after the festivities at the overlook

Although ~~the public~~ my mother has been clamoring for my ~~long-awaited~~ return to the blog for quite a while, I've been lacking a bit in the motivation department. However, the mood finally struck me this afternoon as I've been doing matronly, house-wifey things. Without wanting to have to post a novel to catch everyone up to speed (I am planning a recap of the days prior to and immediately following the wedding), I decided to post in my blog form of choice: the list. So journey with me as I revisit some random thoughts on the past 3 weeks of married life...

1. Our 2 bed/2 bath apartment is finally starting to look like home since Z and I spend Labor Day laboring on it.

2. There are probably only 5 cardboard boxes of junk visible within our house which is a huge accomplishment considering 5 days ago there were probably 20.

3. I have *almost* found a place for everything which is definitely something I'm proud of considering my kitchen has <---this much---> cabinet space and I have <--------------------this many------------------------> dishes, pots and pans.

4. Z and I scored $200 worth of Bed, Bath, & Beyond items yesterday for FREE (when we combined our gift cards and coupons).

5. As I type, Z is at the DMV ~~fighting the war~~ attempting to obtain his Texas DL (he still has one from AR which he moved from many moons ago)- which expires in less than a month so I warned him of letting it expire since anyone who knows me knows all about me having to take the written and driving tests since my out of state license expired before I got my TX one last year.

6. Z and I are officially on one insurance policy-thank goodness.

7. Since we have no tv service at the moment (and haven't for the past 5 weeks since we've been in the new place) we have successfully watched 2 1/2 seasons of The Office. And he's learning why I'm so addicted :)

8. I'm happy to announce that ALL wedding gifts & paraphenalia have been put away or put to use and I couldn't be happier! Now if the rest of those pesky little thank you notes would write themselves... (I don't mind writing them-enjoy it actually-but when you have 125 to do, completion of the task can seem a little out of reach.)

9. In the first 3 weeks of married life, Z and I have conquered some major obstacles that come with living together and getting adjusted to each other. Although I sure haven't maintained the same title, he has really been the 'angel-pie' that his grandma thinks he is. I certainly couldn't ask for a better husband...

10. There are some good job leads that I will be hitting tomorrow and I am excited about my re-entrance into the 'rat race'. I always thought I would enjoy being a housewife (and I do) but I need a little part-time something or I will go crazy!

And that, ~~friends~~ Mom, is my "Top 10 Happy Things About Married Life Off The Top Of My Head".

Hope you enjoyed and tune in again soon for another update on the 1st year!

Blessings,
B

3 Days til Mrs. Parker

2009-08-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

What a wedding rollercoaster I am on! It has twists and turns, ups and downs, slows and fasts, but this rollercoaster never stops!

I seriously doubt that anyone will check this before the big day Saturday but just in case I thought I'd write another quick post. It's funny how I thought I'd be all organized and prepared and have plenty of time to write a post each week. I laugh at myself for even thinking I'd come close to that. Between moving, church things, traveling, planning, troubleshooting and trying to rest somewhere among all that-not to mention spend quality time with Z-I have barely had a moment to breathe.

We got semi-settled into our new luxury (i.e. brushed silver fixtures, spacious, granite-like countertops, 11 x 14 bedroom, limited cabinet space) apartment and I like it-surprisingly. I was so afraid of getting in and finding out we don't have enough space or could hear our neighbors or had to worry for safety. But I'm finding that if we sell the stuff we don't need, keep our corner unit (which is a blessing even in spite of the traffic), and are friendly to our neighbors-we should have it made. We have everything set up except for decorations and even though the 2nd bedroom FULL of boxes to go through, I really think we'll be happy there. Another youth pastor Z knows lives upstairs with his wife and we are in a GREAT location. Add to that a very nice swimming pool and a great clubhouse for youth parties, and I think we'll be very happy. I just can't wait to get home and 'womanize' it-make it pretty. Then it will be even more like home.

The wedding plans are coming together a little slowly now but well. I flew into NC Saturday morning and what a trip that was. We left Tyler at 3:30am which should have been plenty of time to make it to the DFW airport. However, I didn't anticipate feeling extremely nauseous on the way so we stopped and got breakfast. When we were almost at the airport, I began looking for my flight confirmation so I could know which terminal we needed (DFW has 5) but couldn't find it ANYWHERE. I knew I was flying either United or US Air so we stopped at United at 6:05am (keep in mind you must check in more than 45 minutes in advance) and it was the WRONG ONE. So as I swiped my debit card to check in with US Air at 6:17!!! I was informed that I would need to be booked for the next flight. And so I was booked on the 8:30 direct flight to Charlotte and my bag was processed.
As Z and I took a seat (and I'm bawling because HELLO!?!?!? I have to be in Eden at a bridal shower for myself by 2pm and my flight would not land in Charlotte until 12pm and it's a 2 hour drive to Eden from there) I noticed that my boarding pass had an incorrect name-it showed P. Nacido as the passenger. Now I'm not up to date on all FAA regulations but I was pretty sure I'd never make it through security without having a boarding pass to match my driver's license. So Z went back to the counter to inquire about it. As he returned, he motioned for me to come. I was very confused but he explained that the desk rep told him the 8:30 flight was having maintenance issues and so he was letting me go on the 7am flight. I didn't understand it but Z just explained that 'God showed me favor'. At 6:31am I got in a security line that weaved itself 4 lines deep and had serious doubts that I would make the flight. But somehow, I was waiting to board at 6:50 and they had just started the boarding process. I had made my flight.
But my luggage did not. I landed in Charlotte 15 minutes late and upon inquiring about my luggage at the US Air desk, discovered that the 8:30 flight had been cancelled-God had surely answered a prayer. For the 2.5 hours of the flight, I contemplated what I would do if my luggage didn't make it. I was wearing gauchos and a t shirt and NO makeup-there was no way I was going to a shower in my honor looking like that. When I arrived, my nightmare was true but I was informed that it was very likely I would receive my bag within the next several hours. Positive about that possibility, we left on our VERY FAST trek to Eden where I stopped in Wal-Mart & Cato to grab the essentials-toothbrush/paste, mascara, blush, a dress, shoes, earrings and a bracelet (an entire outfit which cost me $36.00) and off we went to the shower.

And what a shower it was! I saw faces I hadn't seen in YEARS-former church members, old friends from church & school, and even a former teacher whom I have really grown to respect and admire! It was absolutely a fabulous party-and I didn't even care that I didn't look my 'best'. I got SO many compliments on the dress pictured here (me and some of my FAVORITE friends):

The shower really was a blast! I so enjoyed catching up with old friends and loving on people I miss so much in my life. It really felt like a reunion and honestly, I wish people got married more often so those kinds of reunions could happen more often. The food was YUMMY (all homemade except for the Biscuitville biscuits-which I had been craving) and the fellowship was incomparable. I am sooo blessed to have such loving and caring people in my life-I couldn't be more humbled by their generosity and acts of kindness. Thank you Ginny for being the brain behind such a fun celebration! YOU are the woman! (And sure enough, in the middle of the shower the airline called with news that they would deliver my bag to our house near Hickory...and I sang the Hallelujah Chorus!)

After the shower, we attended the wedding of a childhood church friend that Dad performed. He did a great job and despite the heat, there were lots of laughs and lots of good memories made. And after making a couple stops at my parents' friends houses and a slight delay by one of NC's finest state troopers, we arrived at home around 12:40am. Since I was pretty awake at that point (even though I'd slept maybe 20 minutes in almost 24 hours), I opened several wedding gifts that Mom and Dad had kept for me. That was exciting and so afterwards, I finally crashed. Having to be up at 9am the day after such a trek (and in singing condition by 10) proved a challenge but I survived and was in decent singing voice for my 2 songs. After homemade lunch and a quick nap, Mom and I set off to run wedding errands which we've also done yesterday and today. I finally got some good rest last night and am feeling the best I have all week.

We've hit it pretty hard but have gotten a lot done. So far we've purchased ribbon, picture frames, bridal portraits, sign supplies, gifts, and groceries (to feed the masses).There's still a lot left to do (pick up my dress, finalize programs, wrap gifts, assemble guest book, etc., etc., etc.) but I know that it will all come together. (At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.) Our wedding company starts arriving tomorrow and I'm getting more and more excited. Freak out mode hasn't set in yet although I'm sure it will pretty soon. But in all honesty, I can't wait! A lot of thought, a lot of tears, a lot of laughs and a lot of prayers have gone into the preparation for this special day and I am trusting God to bless our day and our marriage that we may be a portrait of His love for us, directing others to Him with our love.

For all our guests, when you arrive Saturday, just ask the gate guard for a map and watch for the hot pink signs for the Pearce-Parker Wedding. Parking will be available in the east lot next to Mountain Laurel (the hotel) and a shuttle service will be provided to the ceremony location-Rutland Chapel. Afterwards, please join us for the reception in the Holly Ballroom in the newly constructed Johnson Springs conference center. Our special day will be so enhanced by the presence of our friends and family and I cannot wait to share it all with you!

May each of you have a blessed rest of the week and I look forward to seeing you Friday and Saturday!

Blessings,
Bethany

Pssssst...

2009-06-19T12:32:00.006-05:00

I'm back!

Honestly, it feels like 6 months that I last wrote a post. And in truth, I have enough news for 6 months' worth of blogs. But I won't attempt to share them with you all in this 1 post. In fact, I don't even know where to begin. But I'll attempt to start an update with my favorite format...The List (even if each bullet is a bit long).

~I guess the biggest difference in my life (to me anyway) has been my living arrangements. Since I moved, I've been living with my grandmother in a town about 40 minutes from Big Town. It's definitely been an adjustment as she is 89 years old and keeps hours that are very different from mine. I'm up around 6:30 each morning while she sleeps until 8. And (you know me) I'm out till 10 or 11 every night while she goes to bed between 9 and 10. It hasn't been as terrible as I first thought it would be, although there was some major adjusting to do but I've found that as long as I'm calling her to keep her in the loop about where I am and what my plans are, it's really not all that bad. The main difference in her house and mine is that hers feels like a tropical Floridian vacation 95% of the time as she is cold-natured and keeps her thermostat set on 80. Normally, I wouldn't be bothered by this but in Texas heat (especially through the summer), it really doesn't cool down ever-even at night. So I suppose that for the next couple months, I'll have to endure it and be thankful I'm not going to hell.
UPDATE:Gma has now been leaving the air on at night. MIRACLES DO STILL HAPPEN!

~Wedding planning is taking a lot of my time. This weekend, I MUST get the invites in the mail. We had a few minor setbacks in getting them printed but they look great (in my opinion) & I'm very excited! Z & I also need to make some decisions about some things for the ceremony as well. 3 of 4 bridesmaids have ordered their dresses and that sure has made a difference. I went w/Z's sis, A on Wednesday to get fitted for hers while she was in town visiting. We had fun and I'm so fortunate to have such beautiful & FABULOUS ladies to share my special day!
UPDATE: We received our 1st official wedding gift on Wednesday! Some of my family's good friends from my hometown sent us 3 (THREE) pieces of Fiestaware! They are absolutely wonderful-the friends and the gifts! That moment was really surreal for me and Z but it was almost like the 1st official moment of REAL wedding festivities-and that makes us SUPER excited!

*Unwrapping...

*Z w/the shamrock butter dish

*Me w/the cobalt baking dish

*The fun tangerine divided vegetable dish

Be sure to keep up w/all the wedding glitz & glamour (ha) on our wedding website: www.zapandbap.blogspot.com

~Since I last posted, a lot has happened with my job. I'm at a Farmers Insurance agency and actually like it pretty well. We moved at the end of May & boy was that an ordeal! We're not 100% settled but we're getting close. The new place is SO nice-very professional-and we are enjoying it quite a bit. Check out the new digs below:

My desk (notice the cool fireplace behind me)

D's office (she's a busy lady)

Extra office (for future CSR)

Reception area

Workroom

Kitchen

Boss' office

And my favorite-our own PRIVATE bathroom :) (We had to share w/other tenants & customers in our old place so this is a real luxury.)

~The fam is doing well-Mom and Dad will welcome the new pastor to their church Sunday with an all day "Welcome the Pastor" marathon event. Ok not really but it may as well be. Mom's still working a LOT and is doing SO GREAT at helping with the wedding. I don't know what I'd do without her-wedding & otherwise. Older bro & wife are doing good-just enjoying summer from what I hear and staying busy. Little bro is doing well-just moved into a new place in the same apt. complex with 2 friends instead of 1 so maybe rent will be cheaper. He's still at Best Buy and still helping me with all things techie. I'm so excited to see them all in July!

~There has been lots going on at church too-we are moving quickly on our new building and looking forward to being in it. I haven't done much for the children's ministry (not because I don't want to but because I am so pressed for time) and something had to give. But Z & I have been busy with the youth doing all kinds of things. We've:

-ridden rides at 6 Flags

-sang at Southwestern University in Waxahachie for Fine Arts competition where 1 of our kids was invited to Nationals

-seen the animals at the zoo

-swam at a pool party

-sold pizza cards & rose bushes for fundraisers

-and are washing cars tomorrow for more $$$

We've had a lot of fun and it's crazy how close you get to kids in just a few months. They definitely make me laugh and 1 even wrote a rap about me and Z which goes like this:

RAP TIME! by Haley Bridges

Bethany is a G
butt she smells like pee.
Zeb is her man,
she loves him cuz he smells like spam.
She is awesome,
& she loves possums.
I like that dress,
it makes her look the best.
OH YEEEH :)

And the best part is at the end, she signed it 'happy honaku'. Those girls crack me up! They are so much fun and are keeping us young. Overall, they are sweet kids and we love them!

Well, that's all of a recap I can give for now and wow, that was a lot. But there's surely more to come! Hope all of you are blessed & highly favored!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Big Town: Day 1

2009-03-23T14:18:00.003-05:00

This Monday morning is quite different from my standard Monday morning. Usually, I am arriving home at 1 or 2 AM to sleep for a few hours and then rush into work. Or I awaken at 4:30am and drive from Big Town to Tiny Town, Texas to rush and get ready for work only to arrive 15 minutes late and totally exhausted from such a wild weekend. Then I spend the day miserable wishing for a huge cup of caffeine or my bed. Mainly, my bed.

But this morning, I awoke and got ready for the day and have spent the majority of my time at my church in Big Town. Yep, the official transition has begun. I'm staying in town this week and will be moving all my worldly possessions from Tiny Town to a storage unit in Big Town this Friday. I can't put into words how awkward today has been. While I appreciate the time off, I do not appreciate the lack of a paycheck. But the time had come. The time for me to leave and step out in faith. I had finished my work in Tiny Town and have been ready for a few weeks to make the move but the timing wasn't quite right.

Today is a new day, a new season, a new chapter. Today is the day I begin my life with Z in our new town working together and just being together. (That is still such a strange concept since we're so used to being at least 2 hours apart.) So today as I start my new life here, we start our new life together. We have so much to keep us busy but I look forward to being busy with him instead of apart from him.

This new chapter is already full of new people, new places, and new experiences. It will most assuredly be full of new words, new stories, and new feelings. And even through all the changes, the loss, and the gain I know this will definitely be one of the best chapters of my life!

Blessings,
Bethany
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

BAP News Update

2009-03-11T20:27:00.005-05:00

Wow...I think this is the longest stint I've been without writing in a LONG time-and I can tell. For me, this is more than just a blog. It is a safe haven, a place where I can unload and unwind and share my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Writing is my stress reliever just like coloring is used to be when I was younger. And since it's been so long, I have no idea where to start...

How about with my and Z's trip to NC? While we were there we...
~met w/the event planner at the conference center where we're getting married and got LOTS of ?s answered.
~met with a baker who makes AMAZING cakes and decided on ours (I got to design it myself-yay!). (And since I am addicted to cake, you KNOW it will be delish!)
~ate at Zaxby's.
~met my older bro for lunch.
~ate at Moe's for Z's 1st meal there.
~attended a wedding rehearsal.
~attended the rehearsal dinner in my hometown where we gave Z the 30 minute highlight t0ur which translates to "we showed him the whole town since it only takes 30 minutes for the grand tour".
~attended the wedding of one of my best friends in the world.
~ordered my wedding dress. *BIG smiles* :)
~made a quick stop at Hobby Lobby w/my parents.
~had Cinnabons TWICE.
~spent a lot of quality time w/my parents which I desperately needed.
~stayed up too late and got up too early for too many nights.

And upon our return we had a quick meal with his parents and arrived back in Tyler at 2am-on Daylight Savings Time weekend. Talk about not a fun Sunday. Those kids at Youth Bible Study got the Mr. Hyde of my personality that morning even though I tried to be as nice as possible. I slept so hard during my Sunday afternoon nap that I don't think I actually woke back up until about 1/2 way through our evening church service. But afterward, we took the kids bowling and ended up having a great time. As of today, my body still hasn't figured out the whole jet lag/daylight savings time so I'm still staying up WAY too late.

Work is getting increasingly harder-not in difficulty but because I desperately need to move. There is barely enough work for 1 person (and certainly not full-time at that) so to have 2 of us is really uncalled for. So I'm back to an interview blitz on Friday and am determined to find a job if it kills me. I am so beyond ready to be moved and living the next stage of my life-with Z, with the church, in a bigger town, establishing myself. I'm praying for God to do a quick work and am believing for Him to be faithful as He always is.

Wedding planning is coming along really well. As I mentioned before, my dress is ordered and we have a cake and have confirmed the location for the ceremony and reception. At first, there weren't any room available in the hotel at the center and so our guests were going to have to stay in other locations on the campus. But we got good news that the group that had reserved 96 rooms in the hotel had cancelled so there were now plenty of rooms for our event. This is wonderful not only so our guests can have really nice accommodations but also because the hotel is connected to the reception location (a brand new conference building). I am so excited about everything coming together. We've requested pricing for our menu so we'll see what can stay and what must go but I'm extremely excited about all of it! And I must thank my parents for being so supportive and standing behind me through all of this. They have truly shown 100% support of everything and I will be forever indebted to them (though I already am).

This post really wouldn't be complete without mentioning a very special person who has been the 1 factor of stability in my life for the past 8 months. Z, thank you for being my other half. Even though I am a complete person, you only enhance me and make me want to be better. I could never thank you enough for your devotion and support. You are my one true love, the only person who truly "gets" me and continues to put up with me. My gratitude is eternal and my love will last even longer. 'Thank you' could never begin to repay you for all you've done for me. I look forward with excitement to growing old with you by my side and hope you are always certain of my forever love for you. You are the other half of our 'Dynamic Duo', the man who I respect, admire and have given my heart to for all of eternity. Tu eres mi corazon y te amo siempre.

Blessings to you all!
~B
From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

A Post About Nothing

2009-02-27T15:09:00.004-06:00

There's not been that much to post about lately in Small Town, TX unless you count all the chaos that is my life. Still driving to Tyler on the weekends, directing a children's ministry, planning a wedding, job hunting, training a new girl at my current job and basically trying to maintain 2 lives-1 in Small Town & 1 in New Town.

Z and I went to mi abuela's (grandmother) house 2 weekends in a row around her birthday week. The 1st weekend he met my aunt and uncle and the 2nd he met their son and daughter. They were interesting weekends but went well. We played the game that never ends aka Phase 10 the 2nd visit and had quite a few good laughs. It was good to see family again but boy, were we busy!

Since Z and I started as the Youth & Children's Pastors at our church, he and I have both been extremely stressed. He is the only other full-time staff member besides our Senior Pastor (who is bi-vocational) so therefore he is the only person at the church all day every day. That much is fine but we are in the beginning stages of a building program and soon he will be managing workers and making sure the construction is getting done. In addition, I've been leaning on him heavily regarding children's ministry "stuff" and he has been a HUGE help. But he's had a lot of pressure as we've been working for the church, planning events, planning the wedding (which he's had a lot of input on), and all this while being away from family. Not to mention the hardest job of all-handling me. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few weeks as I struggle with exhaustion, stress with the wedding, and pressure on myself for a job, with the church, and just with life in general. So poor Z has had his hands full.

BUT everything is about to change with 1 little word: VACATION. We fly out super early Wednesday morning to visit NC for a few days so we can do cake tastings, an engagement photo shoot, meet with the event planner, I can try on dresses and attend my best friend's wedding. Wow-that will be a busy 4 days! But at least we're getting out of town for a bit by ourselves. It will be nice to not deal with work or church for at least a short time. And I'm excited to see my parents and get to spend time with them. It should be a fun and only semi-stressful trip.

So, until next time...I'm going to Carolina in my mind (& for real)!

Blessings,
B

Ok, this is getting scary...

2009-02-19T15:18:00.003-06:00

Today's Christian Woman sends me an Encouraging Words Daily Devotional every morning. Today's devotion???

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today's Verse from the New Living Translation

"Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't he also give us everything else? … Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? … No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. … No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

—Romans 8:32, 35, 37, 39
view in context

Encouragement for Today

Nothing can separate us from the love of God. We must not look to circumstances for evidence of God's love or proof that he will take care of us. If God did not withhold the best he had to give us—the life of his Son—will he not also give us everything else, including his love and power? When circumstances are dire, don't look at them. Gaze at the cross of Christ and what he suffered there for you. Then his suffering—and victory—will swallow up your suffering. Paul says that "overwhelming victory" is ours.

—Diane Eble, author of Abundant Gifts: A Daybook of Grace-Filled Devotions

So I think God really is trying to tell me something. Whaddyathink?

Isn't it ironic???

Blessings,
B

P.S. Thanks to my amazing fiance for the idea of adding our wedding countdown to my page!

Coincidence? I think not.

2009-02-17T20:59:00.003-06:00

For the record, today's Daily Bible Verse (on my sidebar-thanks Bible Gateway!) is definitely my favorite verse(s) in the entire Bible. (Romans 8:35-39) Yes, my Abba knows exactly what I need.

~B
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39

Our greatest plans...

2009-02-17T19:26:00.002-06:00

often go awry. Unfortunately, that's been the motto with my blog as of late. I've written 2 posts but after clicking the 'Publish Post' button, Blogger decided to erase significant chunks of my writing both times. The 1st I edited the content back in after an e-mail from my mother. The 2nd I have yet to correct and re-post (so it's sitting in my draft list) because I just haven't felt like recreating almost half of the post. One day soon, I hope but that explains my absence.

Yesterday dealt me an ugly blow by my despised enemy Mr. Reality regarding my personal life. I knew this day was coming but I was doing all I could to run the opposite direction. But I just couldn't run fast enough and he caught up with me. Thankfully, good can come from bad and God does make messages out of my messes. I am definitely learning total dependence on Him through this situation. When you've reached the end of who you are and what you have, there He begins. And the funny thing is that He wants me to reach for Him first to begin with, which I fail to do so often. I've been in similar situations before but never with such pressure that I feel now.

The irony is that lately my daily e-mail devotions have been dealing with God being faithful and working things out for me. He is my Shield, my Protector, my Defender, my Provider, my Way Maker. I especially love that in Romans, Paul asks us that if God gave us His most prized possession, His Son, so why would he withhold anything else from us? My God is faithful and always shows up on time and I know He will in this situation as well. And if it causes me to be drawn closer to Him, bring on the struggles.

On the positive side, Zeb and I have grown closer through this, as we always do during trials. He has, once again, proven himself to be the best blessing I've ever received. I am able to be 100% completely honest and he continues to love and support me as best he can long distance. Today he even e-mailed me a "Prayer Time" playlist for me to use while I spent some MUCH needed time in serious prayer. My life is blessed to the utmost because of him and I would never want to even try to find someone to compare to him-I know I'd fail miserably. He is sensitive to my needs and knows exactly what I need to feel safe and when I need a spiritual kick in the tushie (and how to say that without feeling like I'm being kicked). He really is my soulmate and that surprises me and makes me grateful beyond measure every day.

For now, I am choosing to be thankful for my blessings. Even with hardships, I am blessed-with a fabulous family and friends, job security, an amazing fiance, a progressing church, a dependable car, a nice home with all the amenities I need, and more food and clothes than I need. I realize that I am unworthily blessed and have decided to live accordingly-walking in confidence and gratitude that the Lord of creation is not just my Best Friend but my Daddy.

Blessings,
B
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

Will You Be My Valentine?

2009-02-14T10:58:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's official. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. It's cheesy but I love LOVE and being able to do things for people just because I love them-not expecting anything in return or wanting to be recognized. People don't expect treats for Valentine's day unless they are in a committed relationship. Yet that's just what I did last year on this day. I had broken up with the reason I moved to Texas in December and was quite depressed with the expectations I had for the "Day of Love". But instead of grieving what was or could have been or would be, I decided to make treats for those around me who may not always be appreciated the way they should be. I ended up taking them to the ladies at my bank, my co-workers, and my mail delivery person. That night, I cooked myself a nice dinner and stayed in to shamelessly watch chick flicks and celebrate love...with myself.

See, the way I express my love is by giving gifts-whether they're homemade, store bought or just randomly created. I LOVE to give people things or do things for them. I love to see the look in their eyes or hear the excitement in their voice as they receive or realize I've done something for them. And it's not about the recognition really (ok, maybe a little) but for me, to brighten their day even in the smallest way is the most rewarding gift I could ever receive.

Recently, my mom and I were conversing about our lives and making a difference for people. Through all of my transition lately, I've been reflecting over my life and wondering if I've made a difference for anybody at all in my 25 years on this planet. I know I've taught classes and helped people but I wonder if my contributions have made that big of an impact on the world. In that conversation my mom reminded me of the following story by Loren Eiseley:

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

That conversation with my mom, who had been doing the same kind of introspection that I was in desperate need of, changed my view of my life. I now realize that if I make a difference for just 1 person (each day, each week, each month) that my life has purpose. I know God can use my mess to make a message and I pray He will take the mess that I make of my life ~~sometimes~~ a lot of the time and turn it into something beneficial for someone. May my life be always and only for His glory, pointing ever upward as I take each step in faith.

So now, each morning as I awake and get ready for my day, I ask myself:

Who's my starfish for today???

Blessings,
B
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20

O How I Love Thee, Little White Box!

2009-02-10T15:30:00.008-06:00

It is amazing how this little white box evokes such an enthusiastic response from me. I've been itching to write for the past couple days but haven't had anything of substance to write about. I still don't know that I do but I'm attempting a post anyway.

Ok, I DO have something to mention-someone, rather.

Z & I celebrated <3 day Saturday since the actual day is pretty packed with things to do. His dad and brother had gone down Saturday to spend some time with him and left midday Saturday so I headed down that morning (a bit later than expected) and arrived around 12:30. He told me that as long as I was there by 1 it would be ok. I had no idea what he had up his sleeve but I was honestly too stressed out to care. Between planning a wedding long distance, hunting for jobs, trying to get moved, be involved in a new church & ministry, and trying to keep up relationships, my mind was too scattered to be concerned about his plans. I trust him so I knew whatever it was, it would be great. We left from his place as soon as I arrived and before I knew it we were pulling into...

Jessica's Massage Spa

where he had purchased a 1 hour full body massage. Normally, I would have completely FREAKED OUT but since my mind was so busy, I had absolutely no time to even blink an eye at the thought of another person touching my tub o' lard squishy body.

Friends, I have NEVER felt more relaxed or at peace than I did when she finished that massage. I didn't care that she (Jessica-the owner) had talked the whole time I was being rubbed down. I didn't care that I had a million things on my to do list. I didn't care that my wedding was quickly approaching and I had accomplished nothing for it in the past few weeks. That massage definitely goes down in the books as one of the BEST gifts I've ever received. And if you haven't indulged in such luxury, I encourage you to do so. Stat. You owe it to yourself. Since I was pretty out of it for the rest of the day, we took it easy and stayed low key the rest of the day. It definitely made me super tired (so if you get one, get it as late in the day as possible) but we made it to a Mexican dinner and a quick Wal-Mart run before finishing the night off with dessert and a movie.

So for that, my fiance goes down in history as the most thoughtful man in history. And when I told him that he shouldn't have spent the money, his reply was, "Well, I wanted to spoil you." Yeah, basically the sweetest man on planet earth. And this weekend, ~~I'm making him~~ he's offered to help me with wedding planning stuff. Sometimes I'd swear he's too good to be true. But back off ladies, HE'S ALL MINE!

It's funny how I can't wait to write but then when I actually sit down with that intention, words fail me (which is shocking in and of itself). So I'll be back soon, hopefully with more entertainment!

Blessings,
B
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It Is Times Like These...

2009-02-09T15:41:00.002-06:00

When I find myself doing someone else's work because they are SLACKING that I really wish I was already moved and settled at my new job. Jesus, could you help me out a little on this???

I Deserve It

2009-01-27T19:00:00.001-06:00

A couple weeks ago, I took a late lunch as I was acting as receptionist at my office for the day since our regular had a sick kid. As I ate my pb & j and chips and salsa, I flipped on the TV and found Rachel Ray's show was on. Granted, I am not a huge Rachel Ray fan but she was my best option at that time of day and one of her guests was Bob Greene, whose "Best Life" diet has skyrocketed to the top of the diet and fitness scene in recent months.

As Rachel interviewed Bob, they were talking about dieting, eating right, exercise and during the interview Bob made 2 statements similar to these:

1. The barrier between women and losing weight is often that they don't feel they deserve the best for themselves.

2. Being overweight is just a symptom of another area in a person's life that is lacking.

Bob, I couldn't agree more. All my life, I have observed the various women in my life (including myself) work hard and sacrifice for others yet when they needed something or felt pressured, it was their own health or mental well-being that was sacrificed. Not that men don't, but I've seen more women who feel obligatory duties and in the process lose sight of taking care of themselves. I've done the same in recent years past.

I make decisions, choose activities, knowing I don't have near enough time to get everything done and won't be able to be effective at everything. I also know I won't have any quality time for myself unless you count grabbing a pb&j for lunch and bowl of cereal for dinner as I race from work to appointment to activity to church to fall into the bed exhausted every night.

But God is changing my mind. In the past few months, I've begun to realize and be more confident in one very important fact that has changed the way I see myself and my life. That fact?

I DESERVE IT.

I deserve to say 'no' to the numerous requests for my time. I deserve scheduling 'Me' time into my busy days. I deserve the chance to assert myself and my positive qualities as I search for jobs. I deserve to take time for the people I love. I deserve to work at a job that I enjoy, not just the 1st one that comes along or pays the best. I deserve to be treated respectfully. But most of all, I deserve to treat myself as good as I treat others.

(Not to seem egotistical but...) It's a well-known fact that I will do everything within my power to help anyone I possibly can-running errands, taking care of kids, planning events, making phone calls, organizing, listening, working for, etc. But I do very little of those same things for myself. Thankfully, that's been made crystal clear in the past few months and as I embark on a new stage of my life, I am better equipped to balance my life more equally.

But the most important reason that I believe I deserve it (whatever 'it' is), is that I believe God created us to enjoy this life. And while helping our fellow mankind is of utmost importance as part of my Christian walk, nowhere in the Bible does it say to totally neglect yourself and be miserable trying to do everything for everybody else. My thought is that if I will take care of myself, I will be more capable of helping others.

So for all you women out there who work long hours, devote unlimited time to others, and sacrifice your desires for everyone else in your life, YOU DESERVE THE VERY BEST! And YOU are the only person who's going to take up for you! Take the time to do things you enjoy, things that are totally out of the norm, and even things that you never thought you'd want to do. You deserve to be good to yourself and remember: You deserve it!

Blessings,
B

The Good Ol' USofA

2009-01-20T19:53:00.004-06:00

I've been absent for a week even though it doesn't feel like that long. What a whirlwind life is lately with traveling every weekend and weekdays being absorbed by church work, wedding planning, personal "stuff" and trying to get back into regular workouts. And seriously, you would not believe the latest office happenings.

A quick example:

With the inauguration of President Obama today, much of the office chat revolved around politics. At one point this afternoon, our receptionist "Okie Dokie girl", asked JB, the girl I work next to, and myself what the first words to "The Star-Spangled Banner" were. She and I both responded "O say can you see" only to be countered with a "No it's not" from OD girl. "That's what everyone thinks but it's really "Jose can you see"". She replied that during a discussion with her 12 year old son last night, he told her that his choir teacher had taught his choir class that most people believe the opening words to the famous patriotic song are "O say can you see" but they are really confused because it actually starts "Jose can you see"-you just gotta put the "huuuh" at the beginning. And so, since all 12 year olds are the authority on staples of patriotic music, she believed him.

I tell you, I work with brain surgeons. (Do you sense the extreme sarcasm?)

And speaking of patriotism, what a day for Americans! Though I may not agree with every position he takes or every view he supports, President Obama made history today and I could not be prouder to be an American. So much is criticized within our country but I don't believe anyone could dispute the fact that today, we came together and changed our world for the better. The acceptance and promotion of an African-American in the White House speaks volumes about the true change that is taking place in our land. To think that just 55 years ago, or country was still a place of segregation but now the 1st (partial) African-American has taken over the office of Commander-In-Chief of that same country is astounding. But I am so glad that my fellow citizens have seen fit to judge a man not by the color of his skin but by what they see in his heart. And that makes me proud to be an American.

Unfortunately, that's all for this post. Updates will follow soon but until then, God bless the USA and give President Obama the grace and wisdom to lead our country in the will of God.

Blessings,
B
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Romans 13:1

Judge Not

2009-01-13T09:24:00.004-06:00

Late last week, I was browsing Facebook and was FB stalking (yes, I am one of those people) some people I know from my former life in TN when I had a sudden thought:

How often have I allowed other people's opinions influence my perception of people?

That may not be earth-shattering for you but it definitely was for me. In the not too distant past (i.e. my last couple years of college), I made close friends with some ministry mentors. We bonded quickly over our passion for ministry but also our ability to have fun. I fell in love with their kids and found myself spending A LOT of time with these friends. They challenged me in ministry, offered consolation and comfort in times of need and we always laughed together. Even though I knew I was being somewhat of a doormat by being at their beck-and-call all of the time and taking care of their kids sooo much, I was faithful and convinced myself that it would all even out in the end.

Normally, such a relationship would be appreciated. And it was. For a time. But during the course of the friendship, I allowed myself to be subjected to some harsh opinions and perceptions from said friends. And even though I picked up on it, I was brain-washed, in a sense, into believing that such thoughts were validated and justified.

But now that that friendship has ended (on some fairly bad terms), I have realized that I developed some negative character traits during the time I invested in them. And I'm determined to change them. See, during our 4 year friendship, I often listened to their thoughts, opinions, and perceptions about other people and things and then adopted those as my own thoughts, opinions and perceptions without giving them a chance and trying them for myself. In realizing this, I have also seen that I missed out on getting to know some pretty great people and trying some new stuff that could have really impacted my life. This makes me sad because I think-well, I know-that I've been rude to and not included people in my life that I should have. I've not allowed people in that could have had a positive influence on me and been good friends. I've not done things because I was too busy pouring my life into someone else's, someone who didn't care about my best interests 100%. Thankfully, I chose not to listen to them when I first met Z because look what I would have missed out on!

And honestly? I'm very ashamed of all this. I'm ashamed that I listened so intently to them and not enough to the One who knows exactly what I need and will fill every void in my life. I'm ashamed I treated others with such contempt instead of loving them and treating them with the respect and love of Christ. I'm ashamed that I hung on so tightly to the words of mere humans instead of clinging to the Word of the Almighty who is omniscient. And most of all, I'm ashamed that I let my Father down so much by being more infatuated with other people than with Him.

But thank You, Lord for 2nd chances.

I guess this post is more for myself than anyone else but I wanted to let it be known that I'm doing more exploration and attempting more new things in my life now. I'm getting to know more strangers, especially people I wouldn't normally be friends with. I'm making more evaluations of people and things and foods and activities based on my experiences. I'm going out on quite a few more limbs and I can't wait to see how much more full my life becomes!

Blessings,
B
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

A Footnote...

2009-01-13T09:15:00.003-06:00

As a footnote to my previous post, I'd like to note that I do not think that all Wal-Mart employees are mindless. In fact, I am generally very appreciative of them in that I do not know how they are able to work in such chaotic conditions with some very demanding customers and not lose their cool. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that I have the utmost respect for Wal-Mart employees, I just happened to have very little patience with that particular lady that night. Believe me, I'm well aware that all jobs and workers are important in order for our gigantic world to turn smoothly so thanks to those who make my little piece of it turn!

Funny Things

2009-01-08T22:15:00.006-06:00

Randomly thought I'd share some funny anecdotes that have happened as of late...

~Yesterday morning on the way to work, as I was pulling off my street onto the main road, I saw one of these:

pecking away in my neighbor's yard. And I did laugh out loud. Only in Texas.

~Also yesterday, the receptionist at my office greeted a Hispanic customer and asked who he needed to see. He replied that he was there to see Matt, one of our producers, to which she replied, "What is your name?". Apparently, his Spanish was too fast for her as she told Matt that Manye Jose was there to see him when he actually said, "My name is Jose." Yes, I laughed out loud again.

~Poultry is a common theme of this post, for whatever reason, because today, while training a girl at work for my old job, she told me and another co-worker about a little chapel built by the Chicken King that is Pilgrim's Pride in Pittsburg, TX. She claims it is a 'really pretty place' even though it is smaller than our back office area so we lovingly nicknamed it the 'Chicken Chapel' where you can go reflect on...well...chickens.

~A quote from a co-worker when discussing the experience she had falling on her head while dancing with a homemade stripper pole made from PVC pipe: "It worked the first couple times." (I told you I work with heathens.)

~Another quote from the receptionist. She had just taken a message for our owner, who keeps a very busy schedule as former mayor and member of many community groups. The caller made the comment that trying to get ahold of him was like trying to get ahold of God-he's never there. To which I replied that that was the perfect opportunity for her to witness to that man by sharing of God's omnipresence so that she could get another jewel in her crown. Her response? "Girl, I ain't got no crown. Them jewels done fell out a long time ago." I do a lot of praying for these people.

~One of our customers at the insurance agency I work for filed a claim that he "somehow ran up on a 4 foot curb". Really? I mean really? And another filed a claim that she "hit a cow". Folks, you can't make this stuff up. Only in Texas...

~This last one is a bit long but it caused such a disruption in my little world that I have to share it. Last Thursday, at the end of my monthly grocery + everything-else-that-I-randomly-need-or-don't-need shopping, I walked to the checkout, proud that I had remembered to bring in some old bags so I wouldn't have to take even more home to add to my already overflowing stash of plastic grocery bags that numbers in the thousands. Anyway, with no one behind me, I told the elderly cashier of my plan to use the old bags and this was the conversation that ensued-as she continued to check my groceries:

Her: Well, I'd really rather use new ones. Because if I used yours I'd..." (with no justifiable reason.
Me: Oh. Well, ok. I was just trying to keep from having to take home a bunch of plastic bags when I already have way too many. Just trying to do my part to help the environment.
Her: Well, I just don't think we do that. It's against our code. Since somebody might be allergic to your bags. You know they make you get a new plate for each trip at a buffet restaurant and ~~since Wal-Mart is comparable to Golden Corral,~~ I just don't think that's possible.
Me: Well, that's fine. I'll just take home more bags.
Her: You know, you could check with a manager and see about recycling your bags. I know we have a place where you can do that in the break room and I think there's another one somewhere. Or you could ask the people at the door if there's one. Oh wait, let me ask this girl. (She proceeds to ask another checker about the bag recycling drop-off and other checker states it is just outside the 1st door.)
Her: So you can drop your bags off there. But I suppose it would make sense for you to be able to reuse your own bags. I mean, if you're just using your bags that's not a big deal right? But we wouldn't want anyone else to use them.
Me: That's what I want to do-just use my own bags.
Her: Well, I guess next time I could do that. It makes sense and it's good that you're trying to help the environment. Oh look, I gave you two bags for your ice cream ~~because for some reason, four layers of plastic keeps things colder longer than just two~~.
Me: (After paying and trying to start pushing my cart towards the door) (Exasperated) That's fine. Thank you very much. Have a good night.

So by the end of the conversation, she had convinced herself that it would be ok for people to reuse their own plastic bags as long as the sharing of bags never took place. The intelligence of some people astounds me sometimes. I was so aggravated by the time I got home and then on top of all that, she basically put every item I purchased in a different bag so I ended up with such a surplus of bags that I could wallpaper my entire house. Anyway, lesson learned. Just let the Wal-Mart checkers do their job-at least the elderly ones anyway-without any interference.

I hope you've gotten a laugh or two from these stories. You really should walk a day in my high heels-you'd be surprised at the craziness that occurs here in Tiny Town, Texas.

Blessings,
B

P.S. And for the record, I do believe the Lord laughed with me on most of these-even The Big Man can't deny funny.

Z

2009-01-08T00:26:00.005-06:00

A quick post before I try to find sleep...for the 2nd time tonight. The 1st time was no prob since I was on the couch & had just eaten. I definitely accidentally slept for 2 hours. Seriously, I MUST stop the evening naps.

Anyway, I just wanted to share how proud I am of Z. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind ride for us both and I never thought we'd be where we are today both geographically and relationally but I'm really glad we are. We've both seen hard times in those 6 months but we've seen each other through them and are both stronger for them. And now we're on the precipice of a brand new chapter in both of our lives, an important one for our life together and even though I'm scared, there is peace that passes understanding.

This new step has been in the making for months now-from the engagement to applying for positions to talking with pastors to traveling for interviews to being vulnerable with people and the Lord to LOTS of prayer time to stepping out in faith and accepting the call. And I can honestly say that I've had little to nothing to do with this whole process. I just showed up when I needed to and said prayers of faith that God would work it out. Of course, we sought His will and felt a certain connection with the people and church in Tyler so it wasn't such a hard decision to make but it was still a giant step of faith and true test of our commitment to each other and to follow Him wherever He leads.

But Z has been more than wonderful throughout the whole ordeal. He made the e-mails and phone calls to speak with pastors. He put himself out there for others to critique and question. He considered the pros and cons of each church we applied for. He recognized the sacrifices required yet still proceeded and answered 'yes' when the call came. And I know that even though the timing was right for him to break away from his family and start blazing his own trail, a lot of the reason he even ventured to seek a position was for me, to prepare for our future and secure us a place in ministry.

Looking back, I see God's hand working throughout this step in the journey (as I always do) but this time, I'm looking back on a step in the journey of my future husband's faith. He has willingly laid down his desires and comfort zone to do what he knew God was calling him to and what was best for others that would be affected, namely me. He is such a self-sacrificing young man and his attentiveness to me astounds me every day. There has never been a time that he hasn't asked my feelings or recognized a change in my attitude when something is wrong. And there has also never been a time when he didn't do everything in his power to reassure me, comfort me, and allow me to lean on him-even in his times of doubt or concern.

Though I may be biased, I believe God created the best man in the world for me to marry and share my life and love with. He is more than I dreamed I would ever have in a husband and I'm reminded daily that I am blessed beyond measure to have an intelligent, moral, funny, charming, handsome, adorable, hard working, GODLY future husband. And although hard times are inevitable (especially in ministry), I am certain that he and I are destined to spend the rest of this life together as we hold hands with our Father as He leads the way.

Z, I love you and respect you as a man of God and the love of my life. Your sacrifice is great but your reward will be greater. You are God's chosen servant and I am privileged to share my life with you. My love for you is eternal and unconditional. I look forward to the memories we will make and the impact we will have on our world. You have my heart forever.

Blessings,
B
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 2:7b

Does that make me crazy? Probably.

2009-01-06T18:02:00.006-06:00

(Thanks Gnarls Barkley, for the blog title.)

Just when I thought things would settle down somewhat, they get intensely busier.

In a matter of 12 hours my job went on the total chaos track, wedding planning has me COMPLETELY freaked out, and church work has officially invaded and dominated every other thought I've had today. Talk about driving somebody crazy.

Today has just been a hectic day and I know that things will improve once I am gainfully employed in Tyler. I do have a phone screening set up for tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. I am just anxious to get moved and settled.

As I sat in my office manager's office just chatting about the next step for me and for the agency, I had a slap in the face thanks to my very own life. Coming to Paris has been a literal rollercoaster for me. When I first arrived, things were slow and steady. They eventually picked up until they were at full blast 24/7 it seemed, and now they have calmed back down (if only momentarily). But with all the things I've experienced-the spiritual mountaintops that made me feel invincible, the heartbreak I thought I'd never recover from, the joy that I shared with everyone I knew, the tears I cried alone some nights-all of those have helped mold me into the confident woman that I am today.

The relationship I was in when I moved here allowed me to see what I need in a man, what I desire and, in turn what I don't need-which is equally important. I learned to never settle for a man who is less than what I deserve-and I most definitely am not. He also taught me that though I may be intimidating to some, that is my confidence and self-assuredness that I automatically emit even when I am scared to death. And all of those things are ok. The time spent with that young man was worth it. I pray God's blessings on him as he seeks to find his destiny. As always, God had His best for me and that relationship was just part of the journey.

The job I have worked for the past 15 months has shown me that good can come from all situations-even a *seemingly* dead-end job. It may not have been a field I know or care about and I may have had to work with some 'interesting' characters while I've been there, but God has used me and I am confident of that. Without sounding haughty, my co-workers have needed to be reminded of the grace of God and the unconditional love He bestows even if they haven't fully accepted it. If nothing else, they needed the smiling face and positive attitude I've attempted to have while being there. And it's done them some good to see a person who can get along with everyone and not participate in office politics that they tire themselves on daily. Not to mention that I've learned more about insurance than I ever thought I'd know which will serve me very well in the future.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is that times of solitude are often when God can till the garden of my heart and then plant and cultivate His ultimate plan for my life. Has my time in Paris been a walk in the park? Not by any means. But had I not come here, I would have never slowed down enough to turn down the noise of my busy life and listen to His still, small voice gently calling me to ministry. Sure, I knew I wanted to be in ministry but I would have never anticipated the opportunity of being so intensely involved. And that involvement led me to be assured that as I lean on Him to Pilot my life, He will make me far more successful and satisfied than my own schemes would have been. Paris will forever be my launching pad for the ministry and even with the heartache this town has seen me through, I will always remember it fondly and be grateful for the opportunity to have served here.

But with this new year, I am on to new and different opportunities. I don't believe places can ever be adequately compared as each church and ministry is its own. But as Paris held great experiences and opportunities, Tyler holds even more. And I can't wait to embark on that leg of my journey!

Blessings,
B
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

1 Year Old

2009-01-05T15:49:00.005-06:00

Unbeknownst to me, my blog officially celebrated it's 1 year anniversary yesterday. Sooo...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. BLOG!

I honestly can't believe it's been a year since I wrote my 1st blog but when I read back over it just now, it's amazing how different my life is.

Last year at this time, I wrote about how I was going to take my life by the proverbial horns and live it. I still feel that way today but find myself with a companion to take the ride with me.

I'm still passionate about all the things I was passionate about then but a few have been added to the mix.

I still have big dreams and I think they may have expanded some.

A year ago, I was reeling from a bad breakup that I thought would be the end of love for me for quite a while. Today, I'm engaged to my soulmate.

Last January, I thought I was going to make my mark in the big town of Paris, Texas. I've done what I could and am now moving on to another place that needs a little of my 'class & sass'.

I still love life, adore my family and friends, and long to help all the hurting people of this world. And over the past year, I've touched some of those people here in Tiny Town, TX and now find myself moving on to help more people in more places.

I've seen extreme highs and lows spiritually but have never lost ground. I may have taken a few steps back but I can honestly say that I am much farther in my walk with Jesus than I was last year. And I feel myself gaining ground every day.

So, happy birthday, Mr. Blog! And thanks ~~to all of you readers~~ Mom & Dad for continuing to read & keep up with me and my little, minute life. Here's wishing 2008 bon voyage and welcoming 2009 with its new beginning!

Blessings,
B

*****Edited to add:
Apparently, I also reached 1,000 visitors sometime in the last 24 hours. That's quite a bit of traffic for this small town girl! Thanks Mom & Dad for checking my blog from so many countries so many times so I could reach such a big number!

Now, where was I?

2008-12-30T19:53:00.007-06:00

It's been a wild 10 days. I've been to NC and back which means I've been to Dallas and back. It was a busy trip-or at least it felt that way. Here's how the past week and a half have gone in my world.

*Monday, 12/22/08
Had a good, busy day at work and left immediately after to go to DFW to see Z. Arrived safely and celebrated Christmas with him and his family. Went out to dinner at BJ's-a great pizza/sports bar in Arlington. They have the BEST pizza! Headed back to his house and did a photo shoot with him and his siblings. They are so fun! Had some of the Coldstone ice cream he got me and then hit the sheets.

*Tuesday, 12/23/08
Left DFW east bound and arrived in the Tarheel state at noon. The airport and traffic were total chaos but I ended up sitting next to a guy my age from Tyler so he filled me in on the events and attractions of my future home. Upon arrival, after a quick stop at Panera for a baker's dozen of their Cinnamon Crunch bagels (which is becoming a tradition), we headed home. Both brothers & sis-in-law had already arrived and Grandma had been there for a week. Was super tired from getting up so early & traveling so managed a short nap after lunch. Then headed out for some last minute shopping with the whole fam minus Gma & Dad. Never want to do that again. Came home, had pizza for dinner then opened presents with older bro & SIL as they were heading to her parents' house the next day. Got some great stuff, all from my list so that was good. Fell asleep on the couch with bros watching tv and chatting around 1am.

*Wednesday, 12/24/08 CHRISTMAS EVE
Got up late at 7:30 since I was supposed to pick Dad up from a minor medical procedure at 8am. Headed to get him & we had some father/daughter time. Ate breakfast & shopped for a bit then headed home. Hung out for a while until bro & SIL left and then went out last minute shopping AGAIN w/mom and little bro. Not so fun but really not as bad as I expected. Finished up then headed to Christmas Eve service at church where I sang a couple songs. It was a good service. Came home, ate dinner and just hung out until bedtime.

*Thursday, 12/25/08 CHRISTMAS DAY
Woke up around 9:30 and just sat for a while with mom til others started to wake up. Watched tv and ate breakfast then just enjoyed laying around in my pj's. Finally got a shower and we opened presents around 2. It was a good Christmas-I got all I asked for and more and the time spent with family was priceless. Stayed up watching tv & hanging around the house after bro & his gf left around 9.

*Friday, 12/26/08
I like to refer to this day as the "Post-Christmas Crash"-the day when everyone realizes the Big Day is over and 'real life' has begun it's trek back. Just did a little shopping with Mom, Gma & Dad & ate the BEST Mexican food EVER. Although, I think that's probably just because I've had to eat Tex-Mex for the past 16 months. I LOVE real Mexican though and I think it's because I LOVE white cheese sauce. I've seriously considered buying some from Moe's and bringing it home and probably will soon. So after great Mexican, we headed home to relax and enjoy the evening.

*Saturday, 12/27/08
The Post-Christmas Crash is in full swing but Mom and I ventured out early for a little Christmas surprise-manicures at Dashing Diva. We had a good time together and I really enjoyed just being with her. She's a lot of fun and I really enjoy her company. After lunch at home, we went out shopping for a bit and then went home and I went back out with Dad. Had a touch of the holiday letdown and stayed up way too late.

*Sunday, 12/28/08
Church time came early but it was a good service and lunch was grand-I finally got chicken & hashbrowns. Mix that with broccoli cornbread, leftover sweet potatoes and butter beans and that's a feast folks. Spent the afternoon napping and watched "The Notebook" with the fam that night. Packed, did a little laundry, and hit the sheets in preparation for my travel back.

*Monday, 12/29/08
Left around 9:30 headed back to the airport with a bag that weighed well over 50 lbs. Upon arrival, I found that it would cost $65.00 to get that 57 lb. bag back to TX so I unpacked a few items into my carry-ons and made it at 50 lbs even. Stood in the security line for 30 minutes and was finally in and ready to board. Perused the bustling airport for a bit and then made my way to my gate. We boarded and loaded on time and headed out. I slept most of the way and was picked up by my wonderful fiance in Dallas. (As you can tell, the flight back was a bit less thrilling than the flight there-as it usually is.) Back at his house, we enjoyed being together and had a great dinner of burgers and hot dogs that his dad had grilled. I made it back home at 11:30pm and unloaded, unpacked and hit the sheets. It was an excellent end to a wonderful Christmas vacation.

So that's the roundup of the holiday season for my little life. I'll do a 2008 finale and 2009 projection in the next couple days as I have time. I'll be traveling quite a bit but really want to get some writing in as well. The new year is bringing lots of change to my Pearce party of 1 but good times are coming!

For now, have a happy and safe New Year's Eve and a joyous celebration of the new beginning! Blessings to you all!

~B
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I have decided to follow Jesus

2008-12-21T12:44:00.005-06:00

I found myself singing that song with more passion than ever this Sunday morning before Christmas. The pastor had just finished his holiday sermon about the Life, Love, and Logos of the Word and I was just one in the sea of people in that big Baptist church. Without going into a lot of detail, there were some events that transpired at the church I joined and had been so faithful to during my time in Paris that made it pretty much impossible for me to continue attend. Fortunately, I guess you could say, I've been out of town every weekend for the past month so I hadn't dealt with the blow of attending another church in town. Until today. But I resigned myself to going to this particular church as I had gone to a women's conference there back in February and had been quite impressed.

In all honesty, I kind of expected to feel like a fish out of water. It had been this way last Christmas after the guy I was dating, considered marrying, and moved to Paris for broke up with me. He was the youth pastor at our church and I wondered if I'd ever be able to be a member there and be comfortable again. In fact, over the Christmas holidays, I started the process of preparing to move back east, to NC, where I knew I could settle back into the comfort of home. Christmas hadn't been the joyous, heartfelt holiday it had always been and I had suffered through every minute of it. We all know that story had a different ending but this year, I found myself in much of the same situation. I was mourning the loss of a dear friendship and the loss of the safe haven that church had been to me. Yet again in the throes of transition with preparations to move, start a new job and get married, I didn't see how this Christmas was any more joyful than the last and was throwing a great pity party for myself.

But there I was, seated in the flawlessly decorated sanctuary, listening to the pianist play this childhood favorite. And though the rest of the congregation remained silent, I couldn't help but allow the words to spill over my lips. For it was in that moment, the sweet, hushed voice of the Holy Spirit reminded me what my life is really supposed to be about. And as I closed my eyes and bowed my head and continued to sing softly, I began to realize again that I had made a choice to follow Jesus and there would be no turning back. I could allow my life to be overrun by circumstances and worldly things or I could die daily to myself and pick up my cross to follow Him.

So there, in that big, Baptist church, singing a non-traditional Christmas song, I relinquished control again to the only Man who sees me in all my imperfections but still continues to love me perfectly and I began to see the true meaning of Christmas.

Blessings,
B
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

Christmastime is here, happiness and cheer...

2008-12-18T10:19:00.008-06:00

Sad but true fact:

I finally officially got in the Christmas spirit last night.

Why has it taken so long for me to embrace the holiday season?

Well, between changing job assignments at work, planning a move (more on that later), planning a wedding, traveling every weekend and getting ready to start a new position w/Z at our new church (related to the move), I just have not had time or energy to shop or do anything Christmas related.

But last night, I finally had the chance (and felt up) to face the Christmas retail industry. And in all honesty, it wasn't that bad. I hit up Hasting's, Tuesday Morning, Office Max (they actually have some funny "Office" stuff), Dollar Tree (picked up a ton of great notepads for my co-workers) and Wal-Mart (where I bought everything else since that's the only place to really shop in this town).

I'm only buying for a few people here in TX, mostly Z & his fam, and then will pick up the gifts for my family (if my sweet mother hasn't already) after I fly to NC. I figure I'll save the $25 it would be to check a 2nd bag on my flight. I feel pretty good though because when I made my list last night, I have something for almost everyone on it. And I don't have too much to do this weekend to get ready. Some baking, wrapping, and minor prep and I'll be good to go.

However, I have 3 songs to prepare to sing while I'm in NC at my father's request. And as much as I love "Feliz Navidad", I don't think that's quite what he had in mind. So I'll be working on prepping those in the next few days-or on the plane.

I'm looking forward to being away from work for a bit. I switched positions within my office and my new desk is up front. This wouldn't be a problem except for the co-workers up front are a bit rowdy. I'm really trying to do my best to keep my cool but the past few days I've seethed quite a bit so my method of combat?

CARRY MY BIBLE. And that's just what I'm doing. I figure I will kill 'em with kindness or soak myself with Scripture. I'm thinking the latter will have the better end result. So I'll give it a whirl.

I'm hoping next year I'll be able to prepare more for the Christmas season. *Hopefully* Z & I will be settled in our apt/house and I won't be dealing with so much change. Maybe that will mean I can get my Christmas list to my family more than a week in advance. But in my defense, the 1st list from the others just got sent out Sunday.

My prayer this season is that we all will take the time to remember the Reason we even celebrate this blessed holy day Christmas. And that I don't get a huge photo of my brother's dogs as a gift.

We Are The Reason as recorded by Avalon

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live

Blessings,
B
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:11

At this exact moment...

2008-12-13T12:22:00.003-06:00

I hate the evils of technology. E-mail, twitter, text, instant message, blogs... ALL OF IT! Why, oh why, am I so full of hate? Only because when using any of the above listed means of communication, the tone or inflection of anything written is questionable. And that small detail is causing some serious trouble in my life right now.

Don't worry. I'll get over my strong feelings soon but let me offer a small word of advice-CALL. If there is any question that what you are trying to say may be received differently than it is intended, just call whomever you're communicating with. You'll save yourself a LOT of trouble & apologizing. And you might even stay out of the doghouse.

Blessings,
B
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

And for the record...

2008-12-12T16:09:00.004-06:00

Changing jobs/desks at my office = mass confusion. Especially since the office manager isn't here today and these girls need some hand-holding when it comes to such commotion.

But this is just the beginning. Today it's my desk, in the next few weeks it will be my house, and within the year my entire life will be completely different than it is today. I choose to look at it as a renovation, updating, if you will. My life at this point is good-things are moving along at a steady pace and I'm comfortable. But it's time to step out of my comfort zone-in a lot of areas. And so here it comes, the dreaded 'C' word...CHANGE. Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

This should cause fear, trepidation, and uneasiness. I should be stressed, doubtful and anxious. Yet for me, it is different. There is courage, not fear. There is contentment, not trepidation. There is peace, not uneasiness. I am relaxed, not stressed. I am confident, not doubtful. I am assured, not anxious.

And all because I know Who holds my future & whose Hand I hold.

Blessings,
B

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

Another Blog

2008-12-12T11:07:00.004-06:00

I know what you're thinking: Why do I need another blog when I'm barely interesting enough to justify coming back to this one?

Well, check *it* out & you'll see...

Blessings,
B

I Finally Figured It Out

2008-12-11T16:22:00.003-06:00

All this time I've been thinking that all these Texans I'm surrounded by were just crazy or redneck or country or whatever. But after a conversation with the girls in my office, I'm convinced this is what makes them the way they are:

They eat the 1st snow.

Any of you North Carolinians know what I'm talkin' about? In the big NC, you just don't eat the 1st snow. Not too sure of why (maybe something to do with all the pollution and whatnot) but you just don't do it. That's a no-no. And hello!?!?! When you get the 2nd snow, that's when it's safe to make snocream. YUM! Gosh, I miss that stuff. I haven't had any in sooo long but boy was it GOOD growing up! We'd always rush to get a big bowl full of snow so that everyone can have a cup of snocream (snow mixed with milk, vanilla & sugar). I can almost taste it!

But so much for ever eating any of that here in TX. The 1st snow is usually the only snow! And I still love all you crazy Texans that eat it...

Hump Day = Random Thoughts Day

2008-12-10T15:02:00.006-06:00

Just for you, my faithful followers...

~I love the statement on my daily calendar for today:

Lord God, may I always remember that you are my refuge. Because my hope is in you, I am held in your arms forever. Amen.

This is a very comforting statement to me today for whatever reason. Perhaps because it is 100% truth.

~I am very excited about Christmas but am not sure why since I have purchased 1 (that's right ONE) gift. Maybe just the thought of the festivities and being with loved ones and seeing friends. I am very blessed to have wonderful parents who help me get home for the important holidays. Thanks Mom & Dad!

~I laughed out loud at myself for wearing these today:

~I actually went to the gym for the 1st time in months yesterday after work. It was freezing cold & I was only able to walk/jog for 20 minutes before leaving in embarrassment because a middle-aged skinny woman had lapped me. Twice. (For the record though, my thunder thighs are SUPER sore today from walking so hard & fast as to try to stay ahead of Motor Middle-Aged Marge.) So I left and bought groceries-mostly healthy things and on the way home stopped and took pictures of Christmas lights.

~That may become a project for me this Christmas-taking pictures of Christmas lights. Now that I have a new camera I can take good pictures at night (since that is a new setting) that don't look like blurry poop. And it has smile detection too-for all those smiling snowmen in everyone's yards. Ha. Seriously? That's how I got the picture of my mom in yesterday's post-she had to smile that big for it to pick her up. But it actually works really well. So plan "Capture the Christmas Lights" is in action!

~Tonight, I am actually setting forth to buy my 1st real Christmas gifts. I'm trying to either find stuff my mom could maybe buy in NC or I can go ahead and ship so that I won't have to pay $25 to check a 2nd bag since that has become standard. (BTW-I HATE the new airline regulations!) Anyway, we'll see what I can find. I also can only pack 50 lbs so I'll have to watch what I take with me. Let's see how this goes...

~I also have a dilemma: To Christmas card or not to Christmas card? The ultimate holiday question. Considering my personal life, I realize I really should send out some form of contact to the people of my past & present that I love so much but I have quite a bit to do between now and Christmas. So would it be terrible to wait until after January hits to send out a blurb about my life? I'm thinking no but if you have an opinion, please share.

~I am super excited to make my very 1st Spice Cake. Z & I had it at my Grandmother's this weekend-more on why we were there later but it is a SUPER easy cake and SO SCRUMPTIOUS! Just a cake mix, 3 eggs, 1/3 cup of oil, 1 cup of water, and a can of frosting MIXED IN the batter. A little piece of heaven on earth.

'Tis all for now. I'm sure there will be plenty of stories from the holidays to share with you all. If I have time in between moving & finding a new job. So, until then...

Happy Holidays,
B
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Happy Birthday Mom!

2008-12-09T22:39:00.004-06:00

I would be remiss if I didn't pause & wish my mother happy birthday (even if it's just after midnight-her time-when I post this).

Happy birthday, Nancy Lou!

To the woman who...
*gives her all for others,
*works tirelessly @ 2 jobs,
*forgets why she calls me,
*yet calls back 3 minutes later because she remembered,
*was a constant presence during my childhood,
*was my personal taxi driver during my high school years,
*is my biased counselor who usually takes my side,
*makes me laugh on a consistent basis (at least once a conversation-'my kilobytes', 'I forgot my narcotics!', etc.),
*always thinks of others before she thinks of herself,
*has never been selfish a day in her life,
*is a GREAT shopping partner,
*still has dreams,
*treats all people with the love of Christ,
*taught me that I am somebody and I have a purpose,
*corrected me when I needed it even though it hurt both of us,
*allowed me enough room to make mistakes but discover life on my own,
*believes in me and encourages me to pursue my dreams because I am capable of that,
*is still in love with my father, her husband of 35 years,
*takes care of everyone else while neglecting herself,
*has lived her faith,
*taught me what God's love looks like through hers,
*is a real-life role model to me,
*has served the Lord whole-heartedly for as long as I've known her,
*has loved me unconditionally since the day I was born,
*exemplified servant leadership in our home,
*is the best mom a girl could ever have...

Happy Birthday, Mom! You're the best!

I Got Some 'Splainin' To Do

2008-12-09T15:07:00.011-06:00

As Ricky Ricardo would say.

A few days ago when I made my list of all the things I'd accomplished as of late, I mentioned some things that need a bit more clarification. This post is only 1 of those. More will follow...

I'm ENGAGED!
Yes, Z popped the question on October 25th and I of course, said yes. It's funny because the start of our relationship can be traced through this blog and now here we are planning our wedding! Here's the story as adapted by our wedding webpage at The Knot.

(The pic is us just after he proposed)
*************************************************************
Z and his family had invited me down for the weekend since they were planning a family BBQ on Saturday. Not out of the ordinary, I traveled to Arlington Friday, October 24th after work. Zeb & I chaperoned a youth outing that night and the next morning enjoyed just being together.

After the mid-afternoon BBQ, Z then rushed (for the 1st time I'd ever seen) to get us to the Dallas Arboretum before it closed at 5pm. He said he knew how much I wanted to visit a pumpkin festival and Autumn at the Arboretum was occurring through the following weekend. Upon our arrival at 4:20, the ticket lady made sure we knew we HAD to leave at 5pm because the entire facility (66 acres) had been rented for 3 weddings. I tried to talk Z out of paying so much to go in for only 40 minutes but he persisted. So in we went.

The gardens were beautiful and pumpkins lined every walkway. I loved every display and snapped as many pictures as possible during our time. Z kept suggesting we visit different spots and so we managed to wander through much of the gardens. A certain flower Nazi (aka facility security woman) unsuccessfully attempted numerous times to usher us toward the exit. Z repeatedly asked if we could just take "one more picture" and we continued to peruse the gardens.

Finally, at the top of a tower-like spot that overlooked a grassy lawn and the lake next to the gardens, I stood at the edge taking as many pictures as possible before we were forced by the flower Nazi to move along. Z stood behind me and made the comment "I love doing things like this with you" to which I replied "Me too. It's so fun.". As I finished snapping pictures, Z took my camera and asked if I was done taking pictures. Though I found it odd, I said yes and so he put the camera in his pocket. As he pulled me in to hug him, I rested my head on his chest and could hear his heart pounding a million miles a minute and became worried, thinking something was wrong. He stepped back, pulled the ring box out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee. The following was our exchange in that moment:

Him: Bethany Pearce,
Me: Zeb Parker,
Him: Will you marry me?
Me: Are you serious???
Him: Yes.
Me: Yes. YES!
Him: (smiled and stood)
We embraced
Me: Thank you!
Me (repeatedly): Oh my gosh! Are you serious??? Zeb Parker!

Check out these pics! It was gorgeous!

There were pumpkins EVERYWHERE! I LOVED it!

Me with some flowers & pumpkins (after he proposed)

Horses made of hay next to the pumpkin house
A butterfly we saw (the 1st of 2)

The view from the proposal site

*******************************************************
And so goes the story of our engagement. It was really sweet and SUPER unexpected although I did have a feeling something was going on. Over the previous 2 weeks or so he'd been asking for my ring size because his 'sister had a ring she had bought me for my birthday that needed to be sized' but I couldn't let her know that I knew about it. He did ask me twice which raised my suspicion and I thought there was an odd-shaped box in his pocket when we left for the Arboretum and he did rush for the 1st time EVER but even so, it was a surprise. Definitely a moment I'll never forget.

Afterward, we went to The Highlands (a very pretty outdoor shopping district) and sat on one of the park benches there just to revel the moment. :) As storybook as it sounds, we heard several love songs over the radio they had playing throughout the 'park' area as we sat on that bench in view of the creek and greenery. After 'When A Man Loves A Woman' played, we headed to Borders there in the shopping center and both bought wedding books by The Knot. We returned to his house, prayed and then celebrated with his family (who all knew it was coming). We had sparkling grape juice and chatted and took pictures. It was great!

Now I know what most of you are thinking, "When did she call her mom and dad? I'm sure they did that right when it happened. She must have skipped that part of the story." I'm sorry to disappoint you but we did not call my parents that day. Or the next day. Or the next. No, we waited until we were in person with them at Thanksgiving (yes, over a month later) to officially tell them the news. Can I just TELL you how hard that was? Everyone and their mother knew (including my brothers, several friends and co-workers) but not Mom & Dad.

Needless to say, the past month & a half have been bliss for me & Z. There have been stressful moments but overall, the first part of our engagement has been very exciting. We have a couple of dates in mind but haven't settled on one yet-we're planning to decide by Christmas so I'll keep you 'posted'. Ha.

In the midst of all of the engagement hype (and slightly prior to it), Z has been pursuing a youth pastorate position for us to take together. Another exciting adventure! And I sincerely mean it. I don't have time for the details on that journey now but will write about it soon. Let's just say I only thought Paris was country.

And so my friends, here's the 1st of many 'catch-up' posts giving you a deeper glimpse into my little corner of life. The holidays are soon approaching which means 1 of 2 things: A) I'll be bored so I'll have more time to write, or B) I'll be super busy so you won't see me for a while. Only time will tell but my calendar is looking a bit full.

Blessings to you & your family for a joyous celebration of our Lord's birth!

~B

P.S. One of my favorite passages of Scripture in regard to Christmas is Mary's song.

And Mary said: My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers. Luke 1: 46-55

'Tis The Season

2008-12-02T20:15:00.009-06:00

Well, a ~~day~~ week late and a (couple hundred) dollars short-thanks Mom & Dad, I'm back in TX. When I last wrote, I was preparing for a long trip home to NC to celebrate Thanksgiving with my fam.Over the past 10 days I have done the following:

*Traveled over 2,000 miles
*Been on the road approx. 40 hours
*Driven or ridden through 4 states 2x each
*Told my parents that Z & I are engaged. Yes, you read that right-more details later.
*Eaten 4,962,185 calories. That could be a slight exaggeration.
*Lost 20 hours of sleep. That could also be a slight exaggeration.
*Written 0 blogs. Hence this one.
*Redecorated my blog, twitter & facebook sites for Christmas
*Decided to not decorate my house for Christmas at all. The time I'm going to be at home does not justify the hassle.
*Booked all my weekends for December
*Bought 0 Christmas gifts. That's right, nothing, nada, zilch. Can we say PANIC?!?!?!
*Exercised 0 hours. Fatty McRoll girl is back. Yuck.
*Contracted & successfully gotten over a head cold WITHOUT going to the doctor. And only once did I comment that I wanted to cut my head off to make everything better. The number of times I complained about not being able to breathe? I'm not telling.
*Laughed with my brothers 842,916 times. Withk it like thith. Mmmkay little boys? Do you want any candy???
*Officially received my TX driver's license (that saga to follow as well)
*Gone shopping 1 time. That's a record, folks.
*Forgotten about technology 492 times and even went 2 whole days without indulging into the e-world.
*Done a LOT of thinking and praying about my life and future
*Learned a new job at work
*Ended a close friendship. Ouch. That is a definite understatement.
*Thought a LOT about how to give creative Christmas gifts this year.
*Spent 11 consecutive days with Z. And am still madly in love with him. :)
*Decided that I am far too blessed for what I deserve. Thanks God-You're amazing!

And with that, this post is over. Finito. Finished. Check back later for more details on several items in the above list.

Blessings,
B
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Psalm 107:31

That Good Old Baylor Line

2008-11-25T11:03:00.005-06:00

"We'll march forever down the years,
As long as stars shall shine.
We'll fling our green and gold afar
To light the ways of time,
And guide us as we onward go;
That good old Baylor line!"

This is what I hear every time my mother answers her cell phone when I call her. 'Why' you ask? Because a couple of weeks ago, I ~~helped her download~~ downloaded her alma mater from Baylor University (in Wacko, Texas-as she says) as a ringtone to her phone. Oh how my mama loves her school. Can I tell you how many times she did their whole 'Sic 'em Bears' football bear claw during my childhood? So now, whenever she receives a call-from me anyway, she sings along with the ringtone and continues to sing even after she answers the call. It really is quite amusing. The extent of her joy at hearing that song every day really cannot be expressed in my feeble words on this blog. In fact, the day she got it, she called me and left the voicemail:

Hey, it's your mother. Just checking on you. Call me back when you get this-I want to hear my ringtone. I left my phone on all day just so I could hear it and nobody's called me all day long. So call me back. (Said in her best 'woe is me' voice.)

My little mama's a funny woman. We get at least one good chuckle during every chat and usually have pretty good conversations. She is so excited about the holidays I don't think she can contain herself. Minus having to work this week and panicking at having 8 of us in their 3 bedroom house, she LOVES this time of year. Take this conversation we had Saturday for example:

Me: What are you doing?
Mom: I'm at the Wal-Mart buying Thanksgiving decorations.
Me: You never decorate for Thanksgiving! What's up with that?
Mom: I've never had so many people coming for Thanksgiving!

And this conversation earlier in the day is a prime example of her secretly trying to contain her glee while going into "freak out" mode:

Me: When is JP (my little bro) coming?
Mom: He and Sydnee (his gf) are coming in either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning and leaving Thursday night. And your father and I are going to a hotel.
Me: What!?!?! Why?
Mom: Well, there's you & Zeb, Jonathan & Sydnee, Brian & Ali, me & your father. Where are we all going to sleep???

She's so funny sometimes. I love it! I can't wait to see that little woman and give her a big hug. And Dad too. He's looking for good leaf rakers this week. I told him I was bringing a good helper-Z. :) But truth be told, I'll find any excuse to hang out with the fam and just be around them. I'm so looking forward to it myself! I don't know who is more excited, me or my mama.

FYI: I LOVE PUMPKINS!

What am I not looking forward to? The 15 hour car ride. Granted, being with Z is always fun and he keeps me laughing but 15 hours in any car does not bode pleasant thoughts for me. It will be nice since we don't usually get to spend so much time together. And we have snacks and drinks and books and quizzes and music and blankets and magazines packed to keep us occupied so hopefully we'll be ok. Thank goodness he's so laid back and peaceful. He really is my balance. So even though it's a forever long drive, I am sure we'll have a good time together.

The thing I'm anticipating most about this holiday? No, it's not the actual Thanksgiving dinner food (although it probably should be as my mama is the best cook known to humankind). It's the time during and just after we eat where we all sit and talk and LAUGH. Those are my favorite memories of my family-our laughter. We are blessed enough that both of my brothers possess this insane ability to make anything funny. Whether it's front or cover, I'm not sure. But it is SO FUN! We typically laugh until Mom has to go 'check on the baby' (as they used to say) and my sides and cheeks hurt from laughing so much. It's by far the best part of ANY time that my whole family gets together. And this year will be fun with all 8 of us being there.

Can you tell I'm excited???

I have some other posts started that will have to wait. Z & I are leaving as soon as I get off work today and will be on the road through the night and into the morrow. (Sheesh, who ever thought I would use the word 'morrow' in my writing???) Say a prayer for us if you don't mind. And I'll be back with lots of great Turkey Day updates. My prayers are that each of us has a blessed holiday filled with thankfulness and gratitude to our great God who is the Giver of all that is good.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!

Blessings,
B
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

What A Man, What A Man, What A Man, What A Mighty Good Man

2008-11-16T23:18:00.005-06:00

Yes, he is y'all!

Ok, I know I talk about him quite often but I'd like to take a quick commercial break from our regularly scheduled blog to dote about my boyfriend, Z.

(Mom and Dad, sit down.)

I have never been more sure of anything in my life when I say that I know that Zebulon Albert Parker is the man God created for me. He exceeds all my expectations and is so much better than I ever dreamed a man could be. And is certainly 1,000 times better than what I deserve.

Why am I so head over heels for him? Well, let me just tell you about his latest romantic gesture. I had a bad day today. When I say bad, I mean one of Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. My emotions had been a roller coaster wreck all day and I had an extremely painful afternoon (for my heart, not physically). But I determined within myself (and with Z's help) to go to church and make the best of it. So as I'm sitting in service at approximately 6:40 or so, in walks Z who proceeds to sit down beside me on the pew as if such an act were absolutely normal. That would be normal except that he lives 2 hours away and had brought his mom with him. So after a couple passed notes during the sermon (sorry, Lord), he told me that he had come to make sure that I was ok and that his 'soulmate was hurting so he was hurting'.

Can I tell you how desperately I just wanted to grab ahold of him as tight as I possibly could and cry at that moment? But I didn't because he had also written [Don't cry.]. I'm telling you this man is amazing. So after church and a dinner with him and his mom, we came back to my house where we sat and chatted for a while. It felt so good to just sit and be myself as we laughed and talked together. After his mom went out to the car to give us a few minutes of privacy, he held me close and told me that he would always be there for me. And no matter what time it was or what he was doing, he'd always just be a 2 hour drive away.

There was lots more mushy stuff said but I'll spare you. I just basically wanted to share that I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world and no, you can't have him. I can't believe how blessed I am for God to have brought him to me and will never give him up.

Ok, so there's my nomination for the Best Boyfriend On The Face Of The Earth award. And in my eyes, he's already the winner!

I love you, Z!

Blessings,
Bethany
Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

These Times They Are A-Changin'

2008-11-13T11:50:00.001-06:00

CHANGE IS HARD.

Yeah, yeah. I know after such a long period of silence you probably want to read something a bit more revolutionary. But I'm sticking to what I know and I know change is hard.

There's a lot in my life that seems to be changing. Actually, the majority of what is changing is me. If you had asked me even just 3 months ago where I thought I'd be by Thanksgiving, I don't know exactly what I would have said but I certainly wouldn't have anticipated being here of all places.

Now, I know what you're thinking (Mom) and no, I'm not moving. This week anyway. My life just seems to have taken off on a spin of it's own, completely out of my control. Which, if you know me at all, is very unprecedented. I'm usually on top of things and have a plan for at least the next 7.2 weeks. But somehow, there is a plan that is being laid out before me that is not my own. And well, my only conclusion is that the other Person who is control of my life must be laying it out. And for once, I'm ok with that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and a wee bit skeert but overall, there's a calming Voice assuring me that 'This is how it's supposed to be.' So I just keep walking and trusting, my hand in His.

I read an article this morning, well, really a blog from Jeremi Richardson of the group Avalon. In his writing, Jeremi recounts reading Dr. Randy Pausch's book (author of The Last Lecture) and reconsidering all the 'brick walls' in his life. Over the past year, give or take a few months, I've made lots of plans only to meet, in many cases, a brick wall. So many times, I consider those brick walls a stopping point, concluding that if I meet such a wall, then what's on the other side must not be meant for me and my life. But Jeremi poses some good thoughts that he gleaned from Dr. Pausch's book about those walls, especially this one:

Brick walls are there for a reason, they let us prove how badly we want something.

So I'm left with questions. And driven to this prayer:

Lord,
Help me accept the brick walls that signify an end to my journey in that direction. Help me continue to persevere in the direction of those that signify simply an obstacle to prove my desire for what's on the other side. But most importantly Lord, give me the discernment to identify which is which and the wisdom to know the difference. I trust You.
Your daughter,
Bethany.

Here's hoping that you'll be able to pray a similar prayer soon.

Blessings,
Bethany

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

GOTV

2008-11-04T15:03:00.008-06:00

GET. OUT. THE. VOTE.

Before I begin the recounting of my anecdotal weekend, I thought I'd spread a little election season cheer and share the story of my second experience exercising my right as a resident of the U.S. to vote.

It hit me sometime in the middle of last week as I prepared for the coming days that I needed to make sure that I had everything in order for the upcoming election and the traveling that I will do for the holidays. So I checked my voter registration card and everything appeared to be ok until I turned it over and read the following:

"If you registered to vote by mail and this is your first time to vote in a Federal Election in Texas, you must present a form of identification. Please check www.suchandsuch.com to verify acceptable forms of identification."

So naturally I freak out and head to my local DL office to get my very 1st Texas Drivers' License. The problem(s) with this?

1. My current drivers' license from NC is expired so I have to take both the written and driving tests. (Seriously??? I'M 25!!! And have had no accidents or tickets EVER!)
2. The lady doing the driving tests was out until 2 and they don't schedule driving tests beyond 3:00pm. How ridiculous is that?!?!?!?

So I spent the better part of my lunch hour applying for my license and still didn't have it when I left. For the rest of the day and evening, I was worrying about 2 things.

1. What if the poll workers ask to see my driver's license?
2. What if the line is miles long and have to wait for hours to vote?

Well, let me calm your nerves now. Neither happened.

Hurriedly, I drove out to my polling location on my lunch break as I had seen on the morning news that there were lines HOURS long on the East coast. I figured if the line was too long now, I'd just come back after work when I had unlimited time. But, as I pulled into the parking lot of the church that my precinct was assigned to, much to my surprise, there were all of 3 cars in the parking lot. I then proceeded to enter the church into a small room (the size of my living room & kitchen) set up with a few tables, cardboard voting partitions, and numerous little old ladies. And I basically just walked right up to the check in table since there was NOBODY in line. As I checked in, the precious elderly lady who verified my name/address said to me, "You just look so put together with your blouse and your bracelet and your bag. You look so together."

And just when I thought all poll workers were stuffy and only concerned with politics. Luckily they're just 'poll' workers and not 'pole' workers. Ha!

So I cast my PAPER vote (ah, the joys of living in the country) and inserted it into the machine and left. Voting is so different here-I had a long wait in the 2004 election in Cleveland and I voted electronically so the whole paper thing was new to me. Rural Farm Town, Texas is quite a step back from Cleveland, Tennessee. But I'll take it for now.

This whole story may seem pointless to many of you but I write it to note that even though I've lived in Small Town, Texas for over a year now, I still haven't lost my 'big(ger) city' thinking. It takes lots of adjustment for this country living.

Blessings y'all,
(yeah, I'm city but not that city)

Bethany :)

I Am Convinced...

2008-11-04T14:33:00.002-06:00

That bloggers do not have TVs.

I return home after work most days intent on writing a really great post and before I know it, it's 10:00. Where does the time go? Well, I usually enjoy 7th Heaven reruns during dinner and I'll get distracted talking on the phone or making the occasional run to Wal-Mart and when I look at the clock (or listen to the TV), it's 10 and Bill O'Reilly is on.

So my conclusion is that instead of turning on the tv every day, bloggers, serious ones anyway, turn on their computers. And just write. So maybe that's what I should start doing. :) I'd really like to avoid long stints of writing silence. Those are no fun for anyone. Ok, well at least not for me.

So I'll be back soon. And boy, do I have some stories to share.

Blessings,
B

Oh, and if you haven't already: GET OUT AND VOTE!

I Live For Weekends!

2008-10-30T16:24:00.007-05:00

My older brother had a shirt with a cartoon duck saying that on it when he was in junior high. Oh yes, here's a picture to prove it:

That, ladies and gentleman, is the face of a champion. :) The caption he has under this pic on his Facebook account? And I quote, "That look on my face is "Mom's gonna kill me when she realizes I wore my 'I live for weekends' t-shirt on picture day"".

Is it sad that for me, that statement is true? I really do live for weekends. Friday nights spent traveling to see loved ones or being lazy or hanging out with friends; Saturdays spent with those loved ones or being lazy or cleaning or writing or reading; Sundays spent at church with afternoon naps and random meals. That is what I live for.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my weekdays. They just aren't my favorites. Especially Mondays. But it's funny to me how some very significant things can take place on weekdays and really, our weekdays determine our weekends, they set the tone. If we get a lot done during the week, we may get the occasional lazy weekend. If we are lazy during the week, we work on our days off. And sometimes, it's both-a busy week AND a busy weekend. Unfortunately, my life consists of mostly the last option.

But here's the question I ask myself at least once, every day:

Is what I'm doing making a difference???

Now I realize we all have obligations. I'm single so I am solely responsible for the upkeep of my home and taking care of tasks every day. Me having a lazy day means that I'll be the only one making up for it later. But I'm starting to learn the ebb and flow of that. However, the times when this question is really prominent are when I'm running around, acting like a mad woman trying to get anything accomplished. It's in those moments when my inner voice, the Holy Spirit, seems to flash that question across my mind.

And it's in those moments that I completely understand what is meant in Ecclesiastes 1:2-3: "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?

Those words really hit home when you feel that's what your whole life's work is sometimes. They stir up feelings of anger, sadness, regret, contempt, even jealousy (towards others who seem more fulfilled). Yes, I know I make a difference for a lot of people in my church and in my life. But I think you, my faithful Blab readers, understand what I mean. I want to 'know in my knower' and 'feel in my feeler' that I'm making a difference. I want to see the fruits of my labor. It's my desire to leave my mark on the world. A mark that only I, Bethany Ann Pearce, can leave.

I believe that one day, at the end of all of our journeys, we'll stand before our Creator, the Author & Finisher of our faith, and He'll ask us what marks we made on the world. I don't think He'll ask us the number of marks but about the quality of the marks we were able to make. Did we truly give Him glory through the marks we were able to make in the places we were able to make them? He won't compare our marks to anyone else's but He will compare the marks we made to our potential. And I want to be able to stand and confidently say, "Lord, I made the best marks I could."

So let me ask you this: Are you leaving your you-shaped mark???

Time Flies...

2008-10-28T10:17:00.009-05:00

So how is it Wednesday already???

I can't believe how fast the weekend flew by and now here we are, in the middle of the week. So much has been done, doing so much & so much to do.

I enjoyed a fabulous weekend with Z and his fam Friday and Saturday. When I arrived Friday, Z & I headed to the church to chaperone a trip to a 'Hell House' (Christian Halloween event depicting influence of the devil and reality of hell and heaven). The line was so long (I mean, HELLO this is a big city, not your tiny little farm town, Bethany) so Z and I headed to dinner at the fabulous Macaroni Grill leaving the kids with the youth intern. Now before you think we're terrible youth chaperones, there were only 6 youth and they were simply going to be standing and waiting in a contained line. So see? We're not THAT bad. I absolutely adore the Grill and I enjoyed my first dinner eaten beside my boyfriend instead of across from him. I guess we just wanted that physical proximity rather than being 10 feet apart as the table appeared to be that wide.

After stuffing ourselves with Italian food (and being gone for almost 1 1/2 hours), we headed back to the line where we waited another hour or more with the kiddos. It was a bit chilly and by this time, my feet were KILLING me (I had worn low-heel boots that I thought were comfortable) so I pretty much leaned on Z for the rest of the wait. We finally made it inside the building after being driven by hayride to the site. The scenes were pretty graphic and very powerful-rape by meeting an online friend in person, a school shooting, an accidental pregnancy resulting in an abortion that killed both mother and baby, death, heaven and lastly hell. I've not been to such a detailed hell house before and it made me say the sinner's prayer again. I especially enjoyed the young man (Vic was his name, I believe) who wrapped everything up. He got the kid's attentions (there were approx. 25-30 people in our group) and held them as he discussed influence and doing our faith instead of just having it-which, as my ~~faithful readers~~ parents know, is a subject very dear to me.

Afterward, we delivered kids to their houses and headed back to Z's where we chatted with his parents and siblings. I was EXHAUSTED since my old body is not used to being out til 1:00AM but we were up until around 3 I think. Needless to say, I was NOT happy when my body woke me up at 8something because it needed to be...*relieved*. But luckily I was able to re-nest for a while longer until Z came in. Poor guy-he sleeps in the floor so that I can sleep in his bed when I visit. (And yes, I DO feel very bad about that.)

We were lazy for most of the morning and at 2:30 or so we sat down to a fabulous and famous Parker BBQ. There was so much food I could hardly take it all in: pulled pork, ribs, cheeseburgers, hot links, potato salad, baked beans, cole slaw, cheesecake, a chocolate something-or-other that I'll have to get the name from Z, and my german chocolate upside down cake. Needless to say- We. Were. Stuffed.

But even so, Z and I set off for the Dallas Arboretum and Gardens. And it was SOOO worth it!!! As you can see from the pictures, the place is beautiful. Z had known I'd wanted to go to a pumpkin patch or festival or SOMETHING fall-ish so he found out they were doing Autumn at the Arboretum. It was phenomenal and here are a few photos to prove it!

Near the entrance (I LOVE pumpkins!)

Pumpkin House

Beautiful Fish

For Mom (she loves armadillos)

Butterfly pic for mom (but I LOVE it too)

Waterfall with beautiful purple

Gorgeous archway

Overlooking the lake and park

Afterward, we spent a little more time out and then headed to his house to spend time with his family. We had dinner and started watching Saturday Night Fever but I was out like a light before long. I guess a full belly and cuddling with Z were the perfect combination to get me snoozin'. I headed to bed shortly after that and left at my usual 5:30AM on Sunday.

The first few days of this week have been fairly uneventful. My Pastor is in the hospital due to complications from a kidney stone (prayers are appreciated) and I've been very unmotivated to do much of anything. I have GOT to get back in the gym or walking or something. I also have GOT to start cooking healthier and drinking more (water please!) or I'll never get back to losing weight. I'm happy with what I've done (35 lbs.) but there's so much more to go. Hopefully soon...

Oh, before I forget: the big news for this weekend has been postponed to next Thursday so I'll keep you posted then.

As seen by my Twitter status, I scored a new coffee pot from the office as they bought a new one after thinking that the old one was broken. After bringing it home and cleaning it well, I've got it making the perfect pot of coffee again. :) Yay for free stuff!

I'm not going to make a speech about politics but let me suffice it all to say that I'm ready for this election to be over. Even though I know there will be disputes and bickering long into their presidency, I'm ready to just hurry up and vote and get somebody in there.

Ok, I'm tired and getting groggy and that means soon, I'll be incoherent. So I better end this while I am still speaking somewhat consciously. :) Blessings to you all through the rest of your week!

~B
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Proverbs 30:18

P.S. I Was Right

2008-10-24T13:32:00.006-05:00

The last piece of pumpkin bread is being eaten as I type...

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

2008-10-24T10:55:00.006-05:00

A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

Yes, I hear you singing along. :) Thank you Mr. Rogers!

Today really is a beautiful day in my neighborhood and I hope it is in yours too. The temperatures have definitely dipped, especially at night, and I haven't had my thermostat on in 3 days. I love what this weather does to my electric bill (which I just remembered is due).

I'm wearing one of my AWESOME STEALS from my shopping extravangza to Sherman last weekend-a purple and cream wide-striped, button sweater hoodie that I got for $9.99! (And to my mother, I'm sorry that I am breaking my cardinal rule of wearing horizontal stripes but this was too cute to pass up. Pictures will follow shortly as evidence.) Not to mention that I paired said sweater with my perfect dark wash, boot-cut denim pants (not jeans) and high heel boots. I love when I feel this cute! (Because it's a rare feeling, folks.)

Last night was the annual fundraiser gala for the Paris Pregnancy Care Center and since I work with one of the board members, she invited me and the guests of my choice. So I attended with 4 girls from church and we had a great time. Volunteers had decorated the civic center very tastefully for the event and the food was DELICIOUS-pork bbq, red hot apples (made with real candy Red Hots), chicken creole, au gratin potatoes, pasta salad & raspberry vinagrette green salad. Not to mention the mexican cornbread, cranberry bread and mini-dessert pastries (banana pudding, chocolate strawberry & coconut cream). And after having stuffed myself to the slightly uncomfortable point, we heard the very inspiring story of Donna Paul, sister-in-law to the presidential candidate, Ron Paul. She is a nurse who has worked extensively with Dr. Paul during his time in practice and her story of choosing to carry her date-rape pregnancy full-term and then giving up her son for adoption only to reunite with him 38 years later was heart-warming. This son had flown in from the state of Washington to hear the speech and there were very few dry eyes in the house. The testimonies of the girls (Anglo, African-American and Hispanic) who have been helped by this minstry were inspiring and stirred my spirit in my desire to serve. What a great cause and a great evening!

Today I'm heading to Arlington to spend time with Z and his fam. I'm accompanying him and the youth intern at their church to a "Hell House" (I hate that term). It's basically a Christian haunted house that presents the message of salvation to teenagers in a relevant manner. Check it out: www.darkrailhellhouse.com. It's my first event to "chaperone" w/Z but it should be good. I'm excited! Tomorrow, his fam is cooking out since his sister's fiancee will be in town. I can't wait-they are such good cooks but I'm just hoping the upside down german chocolate cake I baked last night will make it untouched to Arlington. It looks SOOO good!

Of course this weekend will fly by all too quickly and since my Sunday will be spent teaching Sunday School, singing Christmas songs with the children, and churchin' it up, I'm sure Monday will be here before I can blink my eyes. There's big news for next weekend and no it's not that I'm fulfilling everyone's wishes and dressing up as Little Bo Peep for Halloween. I actually have NO plans for Friday night-which is amazing. I usually have at least one event lined up but it might be a good chance for ~~Girls'~~ Me Night In. The news is for Saturday but I can't post it here. Not sure when I will or if I will but should all go well, it's definitely when.

Ok, so this a long post and most of you have probably given up on finishing it (except you, Mom because you have to be able to call me and talk about your verbose daughter) but here's a last piece of info up for discussion. My little bro-the tech geek of the fam-just texted and said he bought an old iphone for $100 that he might part with soon and wants to know if I'm interested. What are your thoughts people??? I've never seen an iphone up close and personal in real life much less touched one. Should I do it?

Enjoy a beautiful weekend full of God's bountious blessings!

Love to all,
B
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

AUTUMN

2008-10-22T16:16:00.006-05:00

The 1st cold front of the season is moving through & I'm SO excited! Highs in the 60's for the next couple of days. And I baked my first loaf of pumpkin bread last night! It will be gone by the weekend. :) I love everything about Autumn-the leaves, the weather, the symbols (pumpkins, hay, apples, cornucopias)-EVERYTHING!

So I "Yahoo! image" searched autumn, fall, harvest and the like and here are my favorite pics that popped up...(I'm beginning to think that my love of all things autumn is actually a subconscious love of all things orange.)

Happy harvest everyone!

Blessings,
B
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

I Think I Have Slight Paranoia

2008-10-22T11:43:00.004-05:00

It's official.

I do NOT know how to be in a relationship.

Does that annoy anyone else besides me and my boyfriend? Probably not. Well, maybe my mother since she tends to be the soundboard for all my drama-especially the self-inflicted kind. Sorry Mom.

I have this problem with internalizing EVERYTHING. Which isn't a problem when it's just me I'm internalizing things about. But when you're in a relationship, internalizing things about the relationship is not good.

(And that's when those of you who have been in a relationship longer than me=more than 3 months-says DUH!)

So last night I got upset over something semi-trivial between me & Z. His decision was made out of pure intentions and would even give us a glimpse into our future. Why wasn't I happy with that??? Because I'm a ~~little~~ lot selfish and ~~sometimes~~ usually only think about what is best for me. But I realize now that this task Z signed us up for is key for us getting a taste of our future in ministry together so I'm more than happy to accompany him. The problem is that instead of sharing my feelings of frustration last night, I internalized them and he had no idea that I was upset. Not healthy for a budding romance. And not fair to him either. We've been EXTREMELY open in our communication up to now and it wasn't fair for me to keep this from him.

So I came clean this AM and being the absolute doll that he is, he acted in total forgiveness and grace. So we've cleared things up. I just need a little Relationship Fairy that will tap me on the shoulder to let me know when I'm doing/saying things that are detrimental to my boyfriend.

Anybody know one that's looking for work since I'm pretty sure Tinkerbell is booked???

It's Nice To Meet You

2008-10-17T14:17:00.005-05:00

Her name was Shirley Faye Early although I didn't know that when I saw her.

As I drove back to the office after a relaxing lunch hour, I passed her as I took my turn by the Mexican restaurant as I do every day. A few minutes early, I planned to clock in and regain a few of the minutes I had lost by being late this morning-as I am almost every day. But as I saw the little lady, dressed in red, hands full of grocery bags walking feebly down that street, my eyes took a second glance and then my heart began to pound. And that's when I knew this was my chance-my chance to make a difference.

Since most of you readers aren't part of my everyday life, I'll fill you in. Lately my prayers have been all about making a difference. Yes, I stay busy and yes, most of the things I do to stay busy have to do with God's work. And while I realize that church work does make a difference, my desire is to actually make a difference for individuals-to shine Jesus' light for them to see. Which is how I met Shirley Faye Early.

So as I found the nearest semi-circle drive, a million thoughts ran through my mind. My mom and her stories of picking up pedestrians who appeared in need... The countless warnings she and my dad had given me when I started driving about picking up strangers... But none of that mattered now. I knew I was meant to pick up that little, feeble woman. I turned around and pulled up beside her on the side street she was now walking. I could smell that she hadn't had a good bath in days and she was missing most, if not all of her teeth but the way she called me "dear" broke my heart for this kind woman. After accepting my offer for a ride, she showed me her right hand which had numerous stitches along the proximal joint of her pinky finger and explained that she had to be careful and that's why she was walking so slow. She directed me to the apartment complex where she lived and even helped me dodge the potholes along the street that ran in front of it.

As we pulled up to the row she lived in, I offered to help her get the groceries in (including the loaf of bread that had been mashed during the first part of her trek home) and we made our way to her home-a small one bedroom, one bath musty-smelling apartment. It appeared clean, just cluttered with artifacts that evidenced a full life history. I was only there briefly and didn't take much in but as I told her thank you for allowing me to drive her, I asked her name.

"Shirley, Shirley Faye Early," came the reply and I felt her arms wrap around me in the tightest embrace I've felt in a long time.

"God bless you, Ms. Early," I responded as I headed out the door. "You too," was her response and I uttered a "see you later" and was gone.

Why this seemingly small incident has affected me to such depth, I have no idea. Except that I know it was a "God moment". I truly believe He used this event to remind me of my passion for serving others-even in the smallest of ways. Sure it cost me about 5 minutes of my time and a little effort but other than that, this favor was free. It didn't even incur a gallon of gasoline. So why am I not doing these things more often???

Because I'm selfish. I'm spoiled. I'm self-absorbed. I go through my daily routine and do what pleases me, what makes me happy, what satisfies me. And I get defensive if I start feeling prompted to do more because "I'm already sacrificing so much for the church." Here's the thing though: God doesn't need me to save the church; He needs me to save the lost. Churched people have already found Him, or at least are on their way and have found a safe refuge with the opportunity to do so. But people in the world are far more vulnerable to Satan and his lies and deceit. So I must be His hands and feet. I must speak His words and give His hugs. I must give the gifts of hope and joy to a dying and depressed world. Not only does it help those who are searching but it fulfills me.

And through the help of my Jesus, my minute efforts can be grandiose gestures for the Shirley Faye Earlys of the world.

What's In A Name?

2008-10-16T11:16:00.003-05:00

Bethany Ann Pearce

That's my name. Don't wear it out.

Growing up, I've had more than my share of nicknames and for the most part, I love them. Being called by so many terms of endearment makes me feel loved and helps me know that I mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Here's just a few...

*BAP to all my high school friends
*Bethany Ann to my mother when she is mad
*Bet to my dad
*Boo to a church friend in high school
*BP to a former boss
*BB to my 2nd family
*Betania to my Spanish/Brazilian friends
*Bethany Pearcey to a former boss & an ex
*Betty to an old college roommate
*Betney to another old roommate
*Anne to my French classmates
*Brittany to some confused elderly people
*Thunder Thighs to a "dear" friend
*Heifer to some other "precious" friends

And those are just a few. Over the years I've been called just about any variation of Bethany or BAP you can think of. My least favorite? Beth. Yes, that's worse to me than either of the last 2 I listed. I happen to like my full name and hate the shortened version. But most of the time, I can be called by any of those names or variations and I will answer. Any person could call any of them and I'd come running. And the funny thing is that I'd probably be able to tell who was calling me just by the choice of name used.

I think that's how God is too.

During my prayer times lately I've been thinking about all the names of God. I'm definitely not a theologian but I know a few and what they mean and have been very interested to learn more. What is so amazing to me is that my God, the God who led the Israelites out of Egypt and eventually into the Promised Land, who sent prophecies through His servants proclaiming the coming of His only Son to save all humanity to eternal life, who gave up His most prized possession, who orchestrated all of the miracles of the new Testament and who has sustained His followers throughout history hears me, my feeble cry when I simply whisper His name-Jesus.

That astounds me.

And not only does He hear the whispered prayers, but He responds to my angry wailing, my grateful shouting and my heartfelt praising. He knows exactly what I (or anyone else for that matter) need just by the name I call Him. He hears me if I call Him by Jesus or any of His other countless names. Some of my favorites are:

*Adonai: Sovereign Lord
*El Shaddai: All-Sufficient God
*El Roi: God who sees me
*Immanuel: God with us
*Jehovah Rophe: The Lord our Healer
*Jehovah Jireh: The Lord our Provider
*Jehovah Nissi: The Lord our Banner
*Jehovah Shammah: The Lord is Present
*Jehovah Tsidkenu: The Lord our Righteousness

There are so many more (and I encourage you to become aware of them) but these are just the first ones that come to mind. I am comforted that God, my God, can be so many things to me. Better yet, He can be so many things to so many people all at the same time. I am quite honestly in awe that the God of the universe, who created all things and all beings, takes time to give me His attention and not just that but the presence of His Holy Spirit is so vast that it is all around the globe yet even within me. How does this happen? How can it be?

But that's the beauty of our Lord and our faith. He is infinite and unfathomable. Our human finite minds cannot comprehend the vastness of deity that He is. And you know, even though that frustrates me so much, it's comforting at the same time. Because in knowing that He is such an incomprehensible God, I am reminded that He is so much bigger than me and more knoweldgeable that I am. His daily view is of the big picture of our lives, of the universe. And even though He doesn't get bogged down with daily 'junk', He is concerned with the details of my life. And of yours.

That is so mind-boggling to me and yet I am grateful. My feeble words could never express the gratitude I have for my Lord, my God, my Jesus. It is my prayer that you will find Him to be all that you, your heart, could ever need or want.

Blessings,
B
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. " Isaiah 55:8-9

Just A Thought...

2008-10-15T10:20:00.004-05:00

Is it abnormal that the thought of running away and starting a new life somewhere completely different excites me to no end???

And I Think To Myself, What A Wonderful World

2008-10-13T20:08:00.009-05:00

Another week has started and I've made my first 'To Do' list of the week. Luckily it isn't too long but it is growing by the hour. It's funny how randomly I think of things to add. That's not the only thing growing either. My grocery list is getting a little lengthy but I'm trying to hold out until the next payday. Times are tight and I must conserve where I can. Good thing I love brown rice-I have a brand new box of it. Another good thing? Gas is at $2.61 here which means I can fill up my tank for about $30.00. YAY!!! As a co-worker stated-maybe our prayers are working. And since I serve a God who hears our prayers and does answer, that is a definite possibility.

I enjoyed a great weekend with Z. We spent some quality time with his parents. They took me to Zaxby's for my birthday and I enjoyed being with them. They are very kind and generous people.

His gift to me-Willow Tree "Promise" figurine

His parents' gift to me: Willow Tree "Love", "Peace", & "Joy" figurines

We were up late Friday (as usual) and so we got up late Saturday. Headed straight to lunch at an amazing pizza place (BJ's) and then Z and I spent some quality time together just walking around window shopping and laughing and talking. That was probably one of the best days I've spent with him ever. There was a rhythm to our relationship and we just enjoyed being relaxed together. I will say, he is a patient shopper. I doubt he was enjoying it at all but he never let me know it. I think we were both just so grateful to be together after the emotional rollercoaster of last week. There's just something pricelessly soothing about having face time with a person.

So after walking around for a while we went and saw his mom at work and she was generous enough to buy me some great clothes and earrings. I owe her big time. We headed home and got there just as his dad and brother were finishing feeding the puppies they have. Their female hunting dog had puppies 3 weeks ago and then died a few days after giving birth so the puppies (there were 9, now there are 7) have to be bottle-fed. They are so cute and small-I can't remember the last time I held one but it definitely brought back memories of my childhood.

Z and I then had some PT during which he opened his birthday gift from me. As is seen in the pics below, he made a new friend and we had a good time.

His new friend JimBob the Dove Decoy

Dr. Doolittle & his zoo

Yes, I do get scared sometimes

So sweet

After we celebrated a bit, we spent some time with his fam and were up late talking...again. But I don't mind the sacrifice since I don't get to see him much. I left around 5:30 Sunday morning and came home to 2 awesome church services, a good Sunday School class, and an excellent drama rehearsal. God is so good and I am amazed at how quickly He can turn things around. I truly believe that since Z & I worked through some issues and are getting our focus and priorities in order, God will recognize our efforts and reward them. I am just so thankful that I don't get what I do deserve (mercy) and I do get what I don't deserve (grace). I could not possibly be more blessed.

So with that, I'll sign off. More updates throughout the week. May each of you experience His presence in a new, exciting way this week.

Blessings,
B
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10

100 Things You May Or May Not Know About Me

2008-10-10T11:53:00.002-05:00

And now for something a little more uplifting...

As if you didn't learn enough about me during TI30, here I am with this. It is a common practice in 'blogland' for writers to list 100 pieces of informationi about themselves to commemorate their 100th post. Well, I'm hitting that milestone and you're the lucky readers that get to learn more than you ever wanted to know about yours truly, moi.

So, ready or not, here we go...

1. Do not talk to me before I've had my shower in the morning. It won't be pretty.
2. I keep my toothbrush wrapped in a tissue to keep the other "bathroom germs" off it.
3. In order to keep other "bathroom germs" to a minimum, I only flush the toilet if the lid is down.
4. I have a discolored tooth due to a small indentation that was in said tooth. I had it filled my senior year of high school and the dentist matched the filler with my tooth color at the time. Let's just say, they're a lot whiter now. :)
5. I mix a minimum of 2 cereals together when I eat it-Great Value Toasted Oats (cheap-o Cheerios) & Just Bunches (of the famed Honey Bunches of Oats).
6. Growing up, my family always had 2 kinds of tea (sweet & unsweet) & 2 kinds of milk (skim & 1%) in our fridge.
7. I've kissed 7 guys in my lifetime.
8. I've only seriously dated 5 of said guys.
9. I once dated a guy I never kissed.
9. I have a certain routine that I follow in the shower (shampoo, condition, loofah, rinse conditioner, shave-on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, & Sundays, wash face).
10. I have a certain routine that I follow in many venues of life that I will save you from having to read here.
11. I make 'To Do' lists almost every day.
12. Most things on those lists get carried over from day to day until I get a burst of energy and cross off a bunch of things in one day.
13. I have 25+ folders into which I organize my e-mails.
14. I (think) I graduated 9th (academically) out of 234 in my high school class.
15. I graduated cum laude from college.
16. I'm lucky God allowed me to borrow Jesus' brain on test days when I didn't/forgot to study. #s 14 & 15 were definite God moments.
17. I've been called to serve in ministry alongside my husband, who will be in full-time ministry.
18. I have a peace plant named Bradley (after the county in TN I used to live in) who I've only almost killed once. Those things are invincible.
19. I've been working pretty much continuously since the time I was 14-doctor's office, 3 real estate offices, music library at college, daycare, day camp, tutoring, teaching Spanish, nannying, accounting for construction company, university, and insurance office.
20. My very 1st car was a white, 1990 Geo Prism that I shared with my dad. My mom totaled it and that's when I got my Saturn.
21. My biggest fear when I first got my drivers' license was that I wouldn't be able to talk & drive at the same time. Ha! How wrong/naive I was. At present, I've been known to eat, talk on the phone, apply makeup, adjust the music and drive at the same time. :) I've got good insurance.
22. I love spring & autumn. The changing of seasons invigorates me. I love that 1st warm spring evening or that 1st cool autumn evening.
23. My favorite color is pink.
24. In my lifetime, I have broken an arm, a leg and a toe. Two of those injuries involved roller skates.
25. I've also stepped on a rusty nail and had to be on crutches for a few days.
26. I cried like a baby during the final episode of 90210.
27. I cried like a baby during the season premiere of the final season of ER-Pratt died. Seriously.
28. A little piece of my heart died when 7th Heaven went off the air. Thank God for re-runs.
29. I want to work in an environment like the one on "The Office". Some days, I think I already do. I mainly want to work there so I can participate in Office Olympics.
30. My 2nd car was a burgundy 1997 Saturn SL2. I loved that little car. It saw me through a lot-NC, TN & into TX. I retired her at 143,000 miles and bought my silver 2004 Honda CRV.
31. I am addicted to organization. Nothing satisfies me more than putting events on a calendar. :)
32. I was a vegetarian for about 7 years. During the first part, I was lacto-ovo (only dairy products) and the latter part, I ate chicken.
33. My mother blames my weight on the fact that I ate potatoes all the time during my veggie years.
34. I blame my weight on lack of portion control, lack of exercise, love of sweets and big bones.
35. I am slightly addicted to FOX News.
36. My mother also says I am a glutton when it comes to shoes & purses. I agree.
37. I took four years of French & four years of Spanish in high school.
38. I double minored in college in Religion and Spanish.
39. College for me = 5 years, 5 schools, 5 majors
40. My parents almost did a Jericho march when I graduated. (If you don't know what a Jericho march is, refer to Joshua 7.)
41. I don't really have a favorite flower. I love roses, lilies, tulips, and many, many more.
42. I talk to my Mom and/or Dad almost daily.
43. I fall hard for musicians-especially keyboardists.
44. I sing-probably considered a semi-high-church/semi-contemporary musician.
45. I wish I'd been blessed with 1/2 the piano talent of my father. He's amazing!
46. I wear a size 10 shoe.
47. I'm not telling my clothing size.
48. A famous saying between me and my mom is "What are mothers for?". I only hope I can say it to my daughter as much as she's said it to me.
49. My parents really are my heroes. I adore them beyond words.
50. My brothers are the comic relief in my life. Family dinners are the BEST at my house.
51. Sunday lunches after church are some of my favories memories of my childhood.
52. My dad was a twin. Since that gene is said to skip a generation, it is now my turn to have twins. : \
53. I find the greatest satisfaction in helping people.
54. Getting dirty in any form is not exactly my idea of a good time. Muddin'??? Playin' in the rain??? NO.
55. Yes, I'm one of those people who spend entirely too much money at Wal-Mart.
56. MySpace and I have a love/hate relationship-some days I think it's a great networking tool, others I think it's a tool of the devil. But you can still look me up at myspace.com/bbap1.
57. My dream car used to be a baby pink Cadillac Escalade with pink fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview. :)
58. I prefer sentimental & heartfelt over latest trend ANY day.
59. My dream job used to be the minister of music in my home church-I would just take over my dad's position after he retired.
60. I depend on other people in my life to keep me up to date on the latest music. I'm usually still listening to hits from 6 months to a year ago.
61. Confrontation causes me to hyperventilate. Really.
62. I love other people's beautiful children. Having my own? I'm not so sure yet.
63. During high school, I had a slight addiction to Pepsi. I've overcome it but sometimes I just have a craving for an ice-cold Pepsi. (Have you noticed that all of my addictions are "slight"?)
64. Things I have collected in the past: sunflowers, Winnie-the-Pooh, hippopotamuses/hippopotami/whatever the plural is. Yes, you read that right.
65. I was raised Southern Baptist (since my dad is an associate/music pastor) but am now a "tongue-talker" aka Pentecostal-Church of God. And no, Maidenites, I haven't taken "Tongue Talking 101" or "Snake Handling 101". Yet.
66. I have an abnormal fear of something happening to people close to me. When I was a kid, I would lay awake in my bed listening for the garage door to close so that I'd know everyone was safe at home. Now that I've moved away, I get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach when anyone from my family calls me in the middle of the day. I just know that they're calling to give me awful news. So far...nothing.
67. I have never been to Disneyworld or Disneyland. Yes, I'm deprived.
68. To beat that, when I broke my leg in 5th grade, my parents told me that they had to use the money they were planning to use to take us to Disneyworld, to pay for my injury.
69. I have an abnormal fear of stopping under overpasses or on bridges while driving.
70. Yes, I do indeed enjoy Hip Hop Abs w/Shawn T & Tae Bo w/Billy.
71. Yes, it is funny to watch me do either. But it is funnier to watch me do pilates. :)
72. I love giving gifts. It's def my top love language. Unfortunately, my bank account accurately portrays this truth.
73. I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with friends via telephone. Ask any of the ones I have from my past-I need a support group.
74. A lady named Yami in NC used to give me pedicures and let me practice my Spanish at the same time. I miss those pedis!
75. While I love praise and worship music, there will always be a special place in my heart reserved for hymns. And my heart dances a little jig every time a contemporary Christian artist 'covers' a hymn.
76. I'm a closet granny-house-shoe wearer. You know, the ones that look like ballet slippers and have ribbons on the toe.
77. I possess a fondness for Mexican food, Italian food, and the occasional greasy bacon cheeseburger.
78. My palm treo phone is my LIFE. It has over 500 contact #s in it. Don't ask me why, it just does. I surprise myself with whose numbers I have.
79. I am NOT an animal person. When I was little, I killed every hamster, goldfish (2 I remember named Cletus & Willis), and bird I ever had. My brother and I even used to put our hamsters in those clear exercise balls and roll them down the stairs. Then we'd roll them up to the sliding glass door where our cat liked to sit. Yes, we were cruel. I realize that now.
80. I used to have a recurring nightmare in which a witch-like lady chased me and kept running after me making her fingers into a one inch square saying that if she caught me, she would cut me up into pieces that small.
81. My other recurring nightmare involved a tsunami on the beach. To this day, I am terrified by huge waves. And we won't even mention the movie The Day After Tomorrow.
82. I hate tuna.
83. My favorite fruit is the pomegranate. I love almost every fruit-minus raisins and prunes.
84. Pillsbury pumpkin bread mix is one of my absolute faves!
85. My fave cereal of the moment (which I sometimes eat for dinner) is Just Bunches by Post.
86. I still own and know how to use my VCR. And I still record shows on it because I'm too cheap to upgrade my cable and get DVR.
87. I've been out of the country once, to Brazil in 1998 when I was 14 on a mission trip with Brio magazine.
88. Screaming babies in public make me never want to have kids. Ever.
89. My all-time favorite restaurant is Zaxby's. I can't believe it didn't come up before now. Wow.
90. My two brothers and I were all born during church related events. I was born on the same day that my older brother was a ring bearer in a wedding and also on the day before the church homecoming. My older brother was born during the middle of revival. My little brother was born during VBS. (Mom, if that's not right, tell me.)
91. As a teenager, I got left at my best friend's house numerous times after church since she lived next door to the church. My mom would think I was with my dad and my dad would think I was with my mom.
92. If you don't like my driving, blame it on the fact that I thought I was cool as I practiced in the church parking lot in that 1990 Geo Prism. Would you believe that little car could do some pretty sweet donuts? :)
93. I have never seen the movie Titanic.
94. My blonde hair is from a bottle but it was very blonde-almost white-when I was very young.
95. Men's cologne is one of my favorite scents. If I could wear it and not be considered a freak, I totally would.
96. I consider myself to have a classic sense of style.
97. I used to dream of being a contemporary Christian musician. Or at least one of the few female bass guitar players.
98. Originally, I wanted a 5-carat, platinum ring from my future husband. My father talked me down to 3. I'm not sure how much lower I'm willing to go but I think with the right man, I'll gladly accept a Cracker Jack box ring.
99. Seeing leaves change their colors reminds me that my God is a master artist.
100. Every day I am reminded of how blessed I truly am. I serve a big God who is concerned with my smallest needs and is faithful to me even though I don't deserve it. I am surrounded by family and friends who love, support and encourage me through all my crazy antics and phases of life. I have never been in absolute need. I have shelter over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tummy and love in my heart. I owe all that I am and all that I have to the God of the universe, the Master of the sea, the Lover of my soul.

Blessings,
B
Psalm 139 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. 19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? 22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Torn

2008-10-10T11:27:00.003-05:00

When it comes to important, life-altering decisions, I love getting advice from other people. Problem is, I love getting advice from other people so much that I sometimes lose my own opinion and voice among all the others I'm hearing. Biggest problem is, I forget to seek advice from the only person who knows the final outcome of my life-the Lord.

I've been stretched to my emotional limit max as of late and haven't dealt with it well. There are so many situations that are very unstable in my life right now and as a result of that instability, I have become an unstable person. I know I've been running the opposite direction of the way I need to be but life (for many people including myself) has gotten so hard lately.

So now, I'm searching for what I feel, what I want, what I need. And I don't really want any more unsolicited (and at times, even solicited) advice. Because that just results in me feeling very torn between what I feel, in both my head and my heart, and the other opinions that are expressed. I've got to seek the ultimate Organizer of my life, my Agent. I need to find out what He has me scheduled for so that I can hurry up and get on with it.

I realize this hasn't been the most uplifting post (and it may not have made any sense to some of you reading) but I'm not really sorry about it. We all have ups and downs, good and bad. Today just happens to be one of my "off" days. And now that I'm taking a stand and am going to make a conscientious effort to be more of the woman God created me to be, I'm expecting the turnaround. And the God I serve, is large and in charge-of my life and my future.

Political Sentiments

2008-10-09T11:58:00.004-05:00

Just a quick political rant. I try not to share too many of my political views lest it be proven that I am a politcal novice-even though the whole government/political scene really intrigues me.

While watching The O'Reilly Factor (hosted by FOX news' Bill O'Reilly) I was struck with this brilliant idea:

Bill O'Reilly should run for president.

Honestly people, I'm starting to agree with some of my colleagues who expressed this sentiment yesterday: Out of more than 300 million residents of the United States, are Obama & McCain really the best candidates we have to offer for President? Like many people I converse with, I am not impressed with either option. Neither one has made any profound presentation that has won my devout loyalty and so, with the rest of America, I wait. And I pray. And then I wait some more.

But as I watched Mr. O'Reilly last night, I really identified with his passion and zeal to help the average American people. His re-cap of the debate and how he desired for both senators to express some aggression in their road to the White House was exactly how I felt. I wasn't able to watch much of the debate when it aired live but the clips I've seen and the coverage the election has received since have not shown me a person who is going to stand up and fight for anything. Understandably, a candidate must have an even-temper and not be easily angered but I believe even just a little emotion is not just appropriate but is called for.

So Bill, when are you gonna go out on a limb and and take the chance??? I know you've already got my vote!

Happy Hump Day

2008-10-08T11:31:00.004-05:00

Now that TI30 is over, I don't really know what to write about? What did I write about before TI30??? ... Oh yeah, not much of anything.

This week has been fairly calm-thanktheLord. After a chaotic past few weeks (no, mom & dad, you didn't make things chaotic), I'm ready to be back in my routine. Isn't that funny? How most of the time, we long for something different, something exciting and then when something different and exciting happens, we want things to get back to "normal"? Ok, maybe you don't feel that way but I do. I am a closet creature of habit. :) That's just my personality-perhaps because I'm a planner and want things mapped out. So when something throws a kink in the plans, I get a little uptight.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Trying to figure out what the next step is for me, where my future is headed. I'll admit, I've wandered around a bit attempting to create my own path myself but I've recently rediscovered the Way and am learning to embrace His plan and His will. It's not easy for someone like me to trust. I don't suppose it's easy for any of us to trust a Being we've never seen, never touched. But I believe that's the purpose of faith. If we had seen and had touched our Creator, how hard would it be to trust Him? But our beliefs are tested by the challenge to put our hand in His and take the next step with each new day.

I'll also admit I haven't done so great with taking His hand every day here lately. It's seemed so much easier to walk in front of Him, me leading as He follows and watches. That's my comfort zone-me taking the lead and being in charge and letting Him just observe. Even though I know that's not the intended plan for my life, it just seems to come so naturally-as I guess it should since He created us to be beings of choice. But you know what has happened? Sure, I've been happy during the process with being able to lead myself and make my own decisions. But I've been very dissatisfied with the end results. At the close of every day, I long to see an area where I made a difference or truly accomplished something of worth. But I have nothing to show for all my toil. Why? Because although I did everything the way I wanted to, I did it my way-instead of under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

So I'm working on that-taking time to hear direction from God and then acting on it rather than taking action and hoping it fits into God's plan for me. I believe I will feel a greater sense of purpose and accomplishment-not that I should boast anyway. It's not I who lives, it's Christ in me. (Galatians 2:20) So as I seek to correct my mistakes, please show a little grace with me. It will go a long way. And the amount of grace that you show to me, I'll be happy to return.

Here's to praying the Lord will lead you instead of just observe you.

Blessings,
B
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Birthday Blast

2008-10-04T19:45:00.005-05:00

I am officially old. Or at least I feel old.

When I celebrated my quarter-century birthday Wednesday, I was still pretty sore from my fall at Grandmother's. So I felt a little older than I actually was. But in spite of my body making promises it couldn't keep, the birthday was FABULOUS!

Yes, I showed up to work late. But that didn't deter the celebration. My co-workers had decorated my work space and had red velvet cake waiting. YUM :) They even bought me some pink tulips that were beautiful. Not to mention, the 2 people I work with in commercial lines were gone to CE so I had the back office to myself. (I had told the girls I wished for a day of peace and quiet and I acutally got it.)

Mom, Dad & Grandmother showed up at my office with 25 pink balloons and a birthday brownie.
Not for me but for my co-workers (the brownie that is).

Dad toured the office while Mom & Grandmother sampled the brownie and then we came to my house. They unloaded the car and checked out the place and we just kind of hung out for a bit. Z showed up and we headed to lunch. 24th Street was great-as usual and afterward we picked up the cake. It was sooo pretty-I just adore A Piece of Cake! Definitely the best bakery in town.

Chocolate cake w/buttercream icing-YUM!

Me & Z w/the cake & balloons

After coming back home, we spent the afternoon just chatting and spending time together. Since Z was just meeting the 'rents for the 1st time, we thought it would be good just to take it easy. So while Grandmother napped, we talked. Then Dad, Z & I headed to Wal-Mart and picked up a few things. After we got back, Mom prepared the biggest birthday spread I've ever had. We had breaded chicken, hash brown potato casserole, steamed broccoli, butter beans, fried okra, crescent rolls, and strawberry pretzel salad. It was all SOOO tasty and I am just finishing up the leftovers today. Afterward we enjoyed cake and Braum's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and just relaxed. I took Z over to Dustie's, where he would spend the night, and Dad & I went and saw the church as he hadn't seen it post-renovation. We returned home and headed to bed.

Well, I was headed to bed until Matt called. We talked for a couple hours and it was so good to catch up. Though I know I'll never go back to the Cleveland area, I sure do miss him. We had such good times together and I'm grateful for our friendship. Hopefully a reunion is in the near future for us-Texas style. :)
*************************************
I'm sad for Mom & Dad to return to NC today but know that change is in store for all of us. More on that in a later post. It was such a refreshing time to have them here. And they officially have won the Best Parents of the Century award. I mean, do you know any other parents who would take a week of vacation to drive halfway across the country just to celebrate their daughters' birthday? Even if you do, they aren't 1/2 as cool as my parents. :)
*************************************
Z's birthday was yesterday. He had put in to be off from work from the 1st through the 4th and so he was able to stay here until early yesterday morning. I love him so much. After meeting my parents, I can't tell you the relief I felt and definitely feel things are heading in the right direction. We have some praying to do about the future but I trust the Lord has a divine plan for both of us.

Reasons # 5,814,927 & 5,814,928 why I love Z:

His ipod tutor session w/Dad

He & Dad doing the dishes from dinner

I dare you to tell me I don't have a perfect boyfriend! Love you Z!

Ok, I absolutely MUST sign off. I have a Sunday School lesson to prepare, nails to manicure, gifts to prepare, and a house to straighten. My prayers are for the Lord's blessings to overflow on each of you tomorrow as we gather in our individual houses of worship to praise the Ancient of Days. To Him be all blessing and honor and glory and power forever!

~B
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

A Re-Cap: Part V

2008-10-04T18:44:00.004-05:00

THE GRAND FINALE

Tuesday, September 30, Day 30

The last day of TI30 and even though I didn't have time to post (I mean, my parents were coming the next day and my house was nowhere near being ready for them not to mention I had NO groceries and also need to pick up some birthday items for a certain someone) I definitely reflected over the past month. I'm SO, SO, SO glad that I took the time to do Thankful in 30. I've learned that some days, life will abound with things to be grateful for and God is good and you really feel that He's on the throne and you just want to say 'thank you' to everyone you meet everywhere you go. But other days, life is lemons and it seems impossible to find the water and sugar to make the lemonade (aka it seems impossible to find even the smallest thing to be thankful for).

Regardless of whether the day is good or bad, a life of thankfulness is a choice. As I'm learning with a lot feelings. But the 2 that I am really working on are joy and gratitude. A life of joy is a choice-I must make the choice to live in joy every day. I must make the choice to be thankful-for whatever God has blessed me with-every day. The gifts of breath and life are the very least that I can be thankful for-not to mention all the things above and beyond those that God grants me. And so, as I conclude my month of TI30, while I may not continue to physically write 3 things each day that I'm grateful for, I will attempt to continue this attitude of gratitude well into the future.

1. I am thankful to the Lord for the gift of each new day, for the life and breath He provides me, for the opportunity I am given to live for His glory every day. While I haven't been very faithful to taking advantage of those opportunities in the past, I really have a desire to do so from here on out. I know that each day that God leaves me on His earth contains a task for me to complete while I'm here.

2. However, to know the task I am to complete for God, I must know Him. And so, I am thankful for yet another chance to restore my relationship with Him. I have a lot of personal issues to work through but I can't forget that my relationship with Him is just that-me & Him. Noone else. And so, Lord, help me to trust You-even when I don't want to, even with things I want to fix myself. You are in control and I am not the general manager of the universe. (But if you ever have a vacancy, let me know. I'd love to apply!)

3. Lastly, I'm so, so, so thankful for the fabulous family, friends, and boyfriend that surround me each day. From church, to work, to home (TN, NC, VA, TX, GA, etc.), I am definitely blessed and consider myself favored by God for such great gifts of friendship and family. He is so good to me even though I am EXTREMELY undeserving. I only pray I can be as much of a blessing to all of my loved ones as they are to me.

And with that, TI30 is finished.

Now it's your turn to count your blessings & name them one by one...

Blessings innumerable,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

A Re-Cap: Part IV

2008-10-04T18:42:00.004-05:00

Monday, September 29, Day 29

1. I'm oh-so-thankful for birthday ~~week~~ month. It excuses me from eating anything healthy and I don't feel quite as bad for not working out.

(At the time I'm writing this, I really don't remember all that much about Monday. But I'm trying here, folks.)

2. I'm very thankful for my car. Since I mailed off my car payment Monday, it reminded me to not resent writing that check out quite as much if I remained thankful for the ability to even have that car. I'm truly blessed.

3. A clean house is definitely something I'm thankful for. With Mom, Dad, Grandmother, & Z coming, and with having been so out of it last week, I'm glad I even have the energy to clean. It will be so nice to sit back and relax in a clean house.

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

INSERT

2008-10-04T18:40:00.002-05:00

I apologize now for the varying text sizes & fonts. I'm not sure how to fix it as I've tried all I can but please keep reading. I'll try to keep working on it. Thanks!

A Re-Cap: Part III

2008-10-04T18:28:00.008-05:00

Sunday, September 28, Day 28

1. I'm VERY thankful for good hair days. My family is obsessed with taking pictures ~~at any major family function~~ any time more than 2 of us are together. Several of us together at Grandmother's for the weekend=PHOTO SHOOT. So I'm glad that sometimes, my hair occasionally decides to do what it's supposed to for a change. SEE?!?!?!

Me & Dad

Dad, Me & Mom

Grandmother, Mom & Me

Yeah, I thought I was bringing it that day. :)

2. The past few weeks have been so abnormal with traveling so much and being sick, I haven't exactly been the model Christian when it comes to keeping in touch with God. Have I felt bad about it? Oh yeah. Have I felt bad enough about it to take action? Apparently not. But that's when I'm reminded that I serve such an awesome God. He gives us weekly opportunities to worship Him with fellow believers. Sunday, sitting in the worship service at First Baptist Church of Henderson, Texas, I was slapped across the face with this truth that I've heard 1,000 times: "When you feel that God is distant, it is not Him who has moved." And so, it's time for me to take the plunge. Either get with it or get out. There's not room or time for me to keep trying to live a Christian lifestyle that is little more than just moral & ethical. I can't keep equating church work with loving God. And just because I'm serving Him doesn't mean I know Him. So here I go again, trying to talk to and hear from Him more than doing for Him.

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' ~Matthew 7:21-23

3. I'm so thankful for protection even when I'm a klutz. I fell carrying some items from Grandmother's house to my car and went down HARD. I busted both knees-bad bruise on the left, big scrape on the right-and hit my hands and elbows fairly hard. Thankfully, nothing major. Just soreness and pain-ALL OVER MY BODY-the next day. :) But no broken bones. YAY!

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

A Re-Cap: Part II

2008-10-04T18:18:00.004-05:00

Saturday, September 27, Day 27

1. I am SO thankful for home cooking. Since I live alone, I don't take time very often to cook "good" meals for myself. Most of the time, I'm eating nachos or a bowl of cereal for dinner. But being at Grandmother's with Mom & Dad (& aunt & cousin) proved to be an occasion to cook. Not surprisingly, Grandmother prepared several meals before any of us arrived and boy, did we eat well!?! We had mock lasanga, chicken casserole, ham, roast & potatoes & carrots, hashbrown casserole, broccoli, green peas, chile pie, pound cake, chocolate pie, cherry cobbler......SO GOOD! Do I have to go home to my cereal & nachos?

2. I'm thankful for chairs! I know it sounds crazy but here's the short version of a LONG story...
When I graduated from college, I moved into my first place-a duplex in a quiet subdivision in Cleveland. Since I had basically no living/dining furniture, my parents and I shopped around at several local antique stores during one of their visits one weekend. At my favorite store, I purchased a small cabinet (that I planned to convert into a kitchen island), a Bentwood rocker (that I ADORE-only $30) and a wooden dining table (with ugly metal chairs-$80). I ended up selling the ugly chairs to another antique store-recooping a bit of the money-and was left with this beautiful (to me) rectangular oak table with white legs. Since that time (May 2006), I've been on the hunt for the perfect chairs to go with the table. I've considered many different kinds and have actually found some that I liked but it was usually that they were far too expensive or if the price was right, the chairs were UGLY!
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago...Dad and I were talking one night and he mentioned that his church had ordered new chairs for their fellowship hall and were also replacing the wooden, slatted, ladder-style chairs in several of their Sunday School rooms as well as their library. I was semi-kidding when I told him to save 6 for me but he did. And he brought them to me when he & mom came down to visit this week. I had a little doubt about the wood of the chairs matching the wood of the table but I have to say, when I got them home, they looked FANTASTIC! I love them. The woods match almost perfectly and they really complete the dining look in my home much better than the padded metal chairs I had borrowed from the church. Now I just need to find cushions and perhaps placemats and then everything really will be complete. (Granted, that task could take me equally as long-over 2 years-but still...)
So yeah, I'm so thankful for chairs.

3. This sounds crazy but I'm very thankful for caffeine. Talk about having the WORST headache. I definitely did today until I got some Coke Zero in me. I guess I've become a little addicted since I drink a cup of coffee every morning at work and Saturdays are hard if I don't have something with caffeine before noon. I'm very thankful for Coke Zero and the power it has to soothe my headaches. :)

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Good Intentions

2008-09-26T16:50:00.003-05:00

I had the best of intentions when I started my TI30 entry for today about 2 hours ago.

(***MOM READ THIS LINE: It's not going to happen.***)

***ALL OTHER READERS: But it ain't gonna happen. ***

I'm leaving at 5 to get some gas and head to Grandma's and then I'll be there through Sunday night-with NO internet access. It's like visiting a different century. So get ready for another Weekend Update (see, the SNL thing would have SO worked out) come Monday. Can't wait to see the folks and they're actually having a good trip so I believe God ordained all this. Well, He ordains all things but I think this is in his Perfect Will, not the Permissive one.

Anyway, you all be blessed this weekend and take time to be thankful-even in the small things.

Blessings,
B

A Re-Cap: Part I

2008-09-26T13:32:00.008-05:00

It's another fabulous Friday here in TX and since I'll be out of the far reaches of the internet during my visit to Grandmother's (TO SEE MOM & DAD), I figured I should go ahead and get my TI30 in before I leave. So here we go...

***And that's as far as I got before I was distracted by work and never came back to finish. So here we go with a little game I like to call...

CATCH UP BLOGGING

So buckle up, sit back and get ready for the ride (that will be conveniently broken up into several easy-to-read installments)!

************************************

TI30 Friday, September 26, Day 26

1. At this point, I'm thankful for gasoline. Mom & Dad were traveling from NC and told me about all the places that have been out of gas along their route. It's odd to me that even though TX was took the brunt of Hurricane Ike, we still have gas unlike so many other cities that were hardly affected. At any rate, I'm glad Paris, TX still has fuel.

2. Do you ever have deep, life changing (or at least life revealing) conversations with those close to you? The ones you know you'll remember for the rest of your life (or at least the year since your memory isn't what it used to be)? Well, I had one of those w/Z last night and I'm so thankful that he and I can even have those (especially considering the hour it took place).

3. After living in this foreign land of TX for a year now, I've really learned to be grateful for the time I get to spend with people that have known me longer than just this year. I used to be so invigorated by the idea of getting to "re-create" myself but after a while, even that gets old. Since I'm able to spend time with my Mom & Dad this week, I'm so thankful for them knowing me-really knowing me-and being able to just be me. The Me I've been for 25 years. What a comforting feeling.
*************************************

Day 25

2008-09-25T15:23:00.008-05:00

At the risk of being entirely too busy this evening preparing to see Mom & Dad tomorrow, I've decided to go ahead and post today's TI30. So here it is.

1. I'm REALLY thankful that I'm gonna be busy tonight packing. :) YAY! I can't wait to see Mom & Dad-haven't seen them since July so it will be good to be reunited.

2. I'm even more thankful for my busy schedule. I am usually complaining about how I have no free time and I'm so tired and blah blah blah blah blah. But can I just say that after 4 days of absolutely NO energy, I am thankful for my chaotic life and the ability that I have to handle it. I never realize how strong of a person I am or how much I really accomplish until I'm out of the loop for a day or two. Thank You Lord, for restoring my health and bringing my body back into alignment.

3. At this point in the day, I'm thankful for caffeine. And the fact that I've had 3 "healthy" servings of it today. That should last me until I pass out from exhaustion later. Lucky for me, even when my body doesn't have any energy, it is available in liquid form. :)

So that's all I've got time for now. Lots to do this evening and I may be needing another serving of caffeine before it's all over. Can't wait for the weekend!

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

P.S. Go give my amazing boyfriend some props! Check him out at zebulonap.blogspot.com :)

Day 24

2008-09-24T19:31:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I'm actually catching up. I guess being sick has its perks...

Today's TI30:

1. Today I'm thankful for being ahead at work. At one point, about 2 weeks ago, I was a week behind. But it's amazing what a little hard work and some perseverance will do to your work load. Being sick also gets people to leave me alone so I've been able to accomplish quite a bit in the past few days. Since I'm taking off a little next week, it will be good that I've worked ahead.

2. I've written about Z quite a bit here on my blog but I don't believe I've spoken of his parents very much. His mom's birthday is coming up this Saturday and I mailed her card today (gift delivery will happen at a later date). So I'd just like to take a moment to say how grateful I am for his parents-for their faith, their love of life and their sweet spirits. His dad is a true man of God who daily strives to follow Him as closely as possible, doing everything he can to please the Father. He has a heart for seeing souls saved and is a true evangelist, telling of Christ's love as often as he can, wherever he goes. His mom reminds me quite a bit of my own mother-a strong woman who is the glue of the family, holding them all together. Both of our moms have seen the best and worst of ministry and have been affected (positively and negatively) by it all. His mom is thoughtful and very giving and is a great cook (as is my mom). I am so grateful that they are such a strong, close-knit family. Not that it's happening yet, but Z's family is one I dream of marrying into. Although they aren't my blood family, I could see myself loving them as my own and feel 'at home' when I'm with them. They're FABULOUS! (Happy Birthday, Mrs. P!)

3. Lastly tonight, I am thankful for my home. It's not much-just the center section of a little two bedroom, one bath triplex full of all my junk-but it's mine. Ok, not technically. Technically it belongs to Steve Yoder but he lets me rent it. :) This little apartment has seen me at my best and at my worst. I've been through a lot in the past year and this house has seen me through it all. It's gone through some major upgrades since the day I first moved in but somehow, it's become home. And as weird as it may sound, I think I'll be sad when I move away. Each place that I've lived, in each different town holds a piece of me. And Paris is no different. I have grown leaps and bounds in the year that I've been here (I'll have a tribute to that year in the near future) and I know God destined me for this place for however long I'm here. So to my humble abode filled with the love, laughter and tears of the past year-thank you.

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I'm signing off. More of an update about my life at a later time.

Blessings to each of you,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

P.S. Thanks to the new readers I've picked up-that excites me! Leave comments & let me know what you think of my space (but be kind, I'm a little sensitive about putting myself out there, much less people telling me what they think of me).

Days 22 & 23

2008-09-24T17:41:00.008-05:00

Since I've not been feeling well, I'm a bit behind on TI30. I'll cover Monday & Tuesday in this post & try to hit today in one a little later. I'll also try to make this brief...

Monday, September 22, Day 22

1. This sounds materialistic but I'm thankful for cute clothes. I'm a *bigger boned* girl ;) (who's working on trading some of those bigger bones for smaller ones) but I'm ~~occasionally~~ often depressed when I go shopping for clothes. I don't shop that much anymore, mainly because the cash flow is tight but when I realized that I only have ONE pair of pants that 1/2 way fits (if I wear a belt), I figured it was time for a few new items to help me make it through Fall and transition into Winter. Of course, I could still wear my summer clothes as Monday was the 1st day of fall and the high here was 90 degrees. But I digress. So I was lucky to find a cute pair of chocolate brown pants that go great with my gold shoes so I pulled off a cute outfit Monday. I knew I looked good and you have no idea how much that helps my confidence especially since I was not feeling my best thanks to allergy/sinus issues. Anyway, thank you to the designers that make cut clothes for us "big boned" girls that don't make us look like grandmother hippos. :)

2. I'm thankful for anti-biotics-for obvious reasons. I don't know how I'd make it through my sicknesses on just Sudafed and Tylenol. So thanks God for doctors and pharmacists who make my world a much better place approximately 2 times a year. (And the invention of a drive-thru pharmacy? GENIUS!)

3. This may sound silly but I'm really thankful for the infrastructure of our country. Why, you ask? Because our infrastructure is allowing my mom and dad to come visit me this weekend and stay for my birthday! :) YAY! I can't wait to see them. Dad will get to see my place for the first time and I can't wait for them to meet Z. It's going to be great! So thank you to all the DOT workers that are making this visit possible.

4. I would be amiss to finish this TI30 without mentioning how grateful I am for my Sunday School students. I love them so much and even though they are hormone-filled balls of energy, they really know how to brighten my day. They are a great source of entertainment and are quite inquisitive. Thinking back over the past few Sundays, we have talked about politics, illegitimate children, Biblical facts, church doctrine... I'm telling you, they're great to teach and really challenge me. I absolutely adore them-even when they work my nerves and talk through 1/2 my lesson. :)

Tuesday, September 23, Day 23

1. Since I was still sick Tuesday, I became very thankful for my couch. That's where I spent the ENTIRE evening-5:15-10:30pm. I dozed a little and watched some tv. Talked to Z some and just tried to take it easy. This is sad, especially since I have a brand new, Simmons Beautyrest bed but I spend the night on my couch probably twice a month. It's THAT comfortable. It was free after me and my roomies split ways after college and actually goes well with my decor. In fact, I think it's what my decor is based on. Oh well...

2. I'm very thankful for air-conditioning & ceiling fans. With running a low-grade fever during my infirmity, I have been ever so grateful that I have a ceiling fan to keep me cool at night. For some reason, I can go to bed and be freezing, but I'll wake up roasting. A strange phenomenon but one that makes me thankful all the same.

3. I'm really grateful for friends who go through similar phases of life at the same time. To spare you the details (and because I have to keep some of my life private), I'll just say I had a good chat with a friend I used to spend a lot of time with and it turns out that we're experiencing similar feelings and situations at the same time. I'm so thankful God gives us other people to walk life's journey with us, sometimes giving us the same steps to take at the same time.

Ok, I might actually catch up this evening. Can you believe we're only 5 days away from the end of TI30? I can't fathom how an entire month has almost already gone by. Wow, how time flies!

So, I suppose that's all for now. I should be back later to get today's post in. In the meantime, be blessed!

~B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Insert

2008-09-23T10:04:00.003-05:00

Hi all!

I'm working on my post(s) to cover the weekend but thought I'd insert a welcome to my re-designed page. It's different but I absolutely LOVE it! I don't know why I waited so long to change things up but I'm so glad I have finally gotten with it. Hope you enjoy the new look-let me know what you think. I happen to really love the diamond accents on either side of the posting background. *Surprise!* Ha! ;)

Anyway, welcome to the new look. Those of you that know me, know how much I love change-from my hair cut & color to the arrangement of furniture in my house. So you can expect the same for my blog. YAY for options!

Ok, back to work. I promise the updates are coming. Soon. (I've been under the weather a bit so I have a little more free time to write.)

Blessings for your Tuesday!
~B

Days 19, 20 & 21

2008-09-22T18:27:00.008-05:00

I'm baaaaack!!!

So here I am, ready to report from the weekend. It's been wild since Friday and I owe you, ~~my faithful readers~~ Mom & Dad, some details & a little TI30 action. So without further ado, here we go.

Friday, September 19, Day 19

1. I'm thankful for getting to see Z again. It had been almost 3 weeks and I never want to wait that long between visits again. He has become my best friend and I have missed him so much. It was sooo good to be with him in the flesh again and no, Mom, I don't mean "in the flesh", just "in person".

2. I'm thankful for driving time. Traveling so often (usually 2-3 weekends a month), I log a LOT of time in the car. I spent about 6 hours in my little CRV over the course of the weekend and driving time is the perfect remedy for a chaotic week. There is plenty of time for me to mull over the happenings of the week and process everything, making appropriate conclusions and allowing myself the opportunity to peruse things through my mind. Unfortunately, I sometimes take this time as extra worry time but I try to keep it as prayer time after I think through everything. The time Z & I spent traveling around also gave us a chance to just talk and spend some good quality time together. It was great!

3. New restaurants are always fun as well. Since my town has very little variety, going out with Z is always a treat because he takes me places I've never been before. Friday, his dad actually wanted to take us out and we ended up at Pappadeaux. It was wonderful! Minus being the loudest restaurant I've ever eaten in, it was very tasty food. We had great service, I tried some excellent mango tea, and ate the best cheesesticks and chicken tenders I've ever had. I even tried crawfish & didn't hate it. YUM! :) If you ever get the chance to try it-DO! Just a bonus to having a boyfriend who lives in a big city...

Saturday, September 20, Day 20

Saturday was a BIG day.

1. Oh my GOODNESS! I've been waiting for this experience ever since I moved from TN over a year ago and it finally happened. About 15 minutes from Zeb's house is perhaps my favorite restaurant in the world. There is only 1, lone location here in the huge state of Texas and my boyfriend was sweet enough to take me there. What am I making such a big deal about? ONLY the best chicken tenders & fries on the face of the planet:
This place is incredible! SO YUMMY! And I finally had my favorite chicken finger plate in my new state. YAY!!!

2. While there are plenty of perks to living in a big city, after enduring all the traffic Z & I sat in on Saturday, I am thankful for my small town life. I want to live near a big city but not in one. Even if the people in my small town aren't the best drivers in the world (which I'm sure is what they think of me).

3. So the hot air balloon festival is obviously the highlight of the weekend and the City of Plano didn't disappoint. There was so much to look at and enjoy, the weather was perfect and Z & I had an absolute BLAST! :) Here are a few of my fave pics from that event.

The welcome sign to the park

Balloons inflating

Launching

My favorite balloon

We're having SO much fuN!

Our favorite sign

Balloon glow

Candlestick team
(burner without the balloon)

Fireworks show

The perfect end to a perfect date

By unanimous vote-best date EVER!

Sunday, September 21, Day 21

I woke up at 5:30 Sunday morning with a VERY sore throat so needless to say, my drive home was not as enjoyable as hoped. I made it to church that morning-even taught Sunday School-but felt AWFUL afterward so I ended up laying out that evening. You know I'm sick if I'm missing church so it's serious. But even with being sick, there are things to be thankful for.

1. The 64 ounces of Pepsi I bought for $1.80 to keep me awake on the way home. I never knew they made cups that big but I'm so glad they do. That lasted til I got home and gave me enough caffeine to make it through church. I used to have an addiction to Pepsi way back in my middle/high school years and though I'm not revisiting that era, it was SO good.

2. The Hispanic family that has been coming to our church on Wednesdays for the past few months. They are the kindest people with the most beautiful children and sweetest spirits. I had a long talk with their oldest daughter, 13, who is dealing with some adversity at school and it felt so natural to chat with her about her decisions and influence. She longs to make a difference in her world and it was so fulfilling to help her understand that her light shines brightly in the dark world of her school. I felt both honored and humbled to be able to share with her. She is a precious, strong young lady whom I know God is raising up to be a mighty leader of her generation.

3. Z. I know I talk about him a lot but to me, I can't express how thankful I am for him. I'm just glad he lets me be me-nothing more, nothing less. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm just me-and he loves that. We had a really long, good talk Sunday night and I remembered all the reasons I've fallen in love with him (as if I needed reminding). This relationship that we've developed is truly unique to me-I've let him see all the different facets of my personality and he hasn't run away yet. I'm so thankful for that-never thought it would be found. More on him later... (oh, stop groaning-you just wish your boyfriend was as fabulous as mine)

Ok, this has been weekend update with yours truly, B. (I should've pursued that SNL offer.)

More TI30 soon. Still trying to gain some energy & get over this sickness.

Blessings to you all,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 18

2008-09-19T14:29:00.006-05:00

Late. Again. Not much else to say about that.

So here's Day 18 of Thankful In 30...

1. I found another little piece of manna yesterday at Wal-Mart in the form of...

BETTY CROCKER

OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP

COOKIE MIX!!!!!

Can you tell I'm WAAAY excited?!?!? I made some up last night and WOW! They are excellent! I ate mostly dough last night-didn't bake a single cookie. But today, I baked the leftover dough and YUMMY! Best cookies from a mix EVER. So yeah, I'm pretty thankful for that.

2. I'm VERY thankful for a free weekend to go see Z. I'm leaving right when I get off work today and we're going to have some down time tonight to just be together and then tomorrow we're going to the Plano Hot Air Balloon Festival. If you're in the area, it looks like it's gonna be a blast! Perfect weather, entertainment, hot air balloon and fireworks...does life get any better than this??? Yes, it does-only $5 to get in. I can't tell you how excited I am about the weekend. For some reason, the preparation involved with going out of town really excites me so I was thankful for last night and getting ready to leave.

3. I'm really thankful for compliments. At the risk of sounding extremely egotistical, I would like to say thank you to those of you who dish out the praise. It's not always needed, most of the time, I'm ok without it. But every once in a while, it's nice to hear the kind words. In the past few days, I've had several compliments on my clothes (even $7 shirts), hair (that has been 2 different colors in 2 days), blog (more people read than just Mom & Dad!?!?!) and-most significantly-Coach purse (similar to the one at right that my brother actually bought me in NYC-a girl actually took a pic of it w/her phone so she could remember it). So a huge thanks to those of you who aren't afraid to offer the compliments-they aren't taken lightly. You guys are the best for lifting my spirit and helping my self-esteem. You're the best!

I probably won't post again til Sunday since I'll be at Z's. But no worries, I'll be mentally tracking my TI30 list so I can share with you guys. In the stead (thanks to my fave college professor for that phrase), you all have a fabulous weekend and enjoy yourselves!

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 17

2008-09-18T11:16:00.006-05:00

Yes, I know what time it is and yes, I know I'm late for TI30. But I was absolutely exhausted last night. I had run all day long and when I got home I worked on the church directory until late. Gotta love projects that people start and don't finish that I have to pick up. But it will be so good to get a decent directory. I also got to catch up w/long, lost best friend, Matt. Haven't spoken with him in probably 2 months and it was so good to hear his voice. Can't believe he's getting married in 6 months but I'm happy for him. Needless to say, I was too tired to write last night so here's yesterday's list.

Thankful in 30

1. It was my one year anniversary at work which is so weird to me. I can't believe I've lived in Texas for over a year and have been working in insurance that long now. I became quite reflective when I realized it halfway through the day but I have to say I'm thankful for my first full, productive year of growth here in Texas. While things haven't turned out exactly the way I thought they would, God has brought me farther than I thought possible. He has pulled me out of my comfort zone (kicking & screaming) and taught me lessons on life, love, spirituality, and most importantly, myself. Now I know that I'm a much stronger person than I thought and with Him on my side, I can conquer anything. In the past 12 months, I've seen the lowest valleys of my life and soared to the highest mountains. And looking back, my God has been MORE than faithful. He's given me His best, even when I thought it should have been something different. He's treated me like the princess that I am in Him and I could never say enough about His mercy and grace.

Thank you, Lord for the lessons I've learned and the ways You have placed me on the Potter's wheel when I've been at my ugliest, most broken state only to refine me, shape me, and mold me into more of the woman You created me to be.

2. I'm thankful for the friends and family that have seen me through the past year. Yes, it's strained many relationships but I think God allows times of turmoil to make us (me) more appreciative of the bonds we share. I know that is especially true for me and I'm just thankful to have had people to walk with me along this part of my trek.

3. Lastly, I'd like to say thank you to (and for) the people who mean the world to me. Mom & Dad, thank you for raising me in a Christian home. Thank you for recognizing that I'd need a relationship with the Lord to help me through my life's journey. Thank you for allowing me to spread my wings and fly even when you felt like keeping me in the nest a little longer. My salvation is definitely a gift from God but I would never have received it had I not had praying parents who shared it with me. I'll never forget that night of revival, sitting in Dad's office, and praying the prayer of repentance. An insignificant moment for the rest of the world but a life-altering one for me; one that forever changed the course of my future. I would not be the woman that I am today without the blood of Jesus covering my life and more importantly, my sins. So thank you Mom and Dad, for being faithful to the cause of Christ and trusting the Lord with me. Because of Proverbs 22:6 ("Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.), I believe and know that one day, we'll see your sons come back to the same saving knowledge and recognition of Jesus that I have. He never said they wouldn't wander away so we must trust them into His hands. However, until the day they return, I vow to band with you as we stand in the gap for them, praying for God to do whatever it takes to restore them.

Ok, I think I've "spreached" enough. As you can see, I have a lot to be thankful for and could never fully express my gratitude for all the blessings in my life. But I'll keep trying...

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

P.S. Don't let the image fool you, I'm still a North Carolinian at heart! :)

Yep

2008-09-17T16:07:00.004-05:00

I'm blogging and it's not even time for TI30 yet. :)

I just wanted to share how good God is-in case you need any reminding. As I shared last night, my mood has not been the best as of late. My brain is tired of thinking through different situations in my life and my heart is tired of worrying about it all. There are a lot of changes getting ready to take place around me and for once, I feel fairly stable. Besides my work situation, everything else in my life is on the up and up. But that is not the case for many of the people I am close to-several are in the process of major re-locations and for some reason, I find worrying about it all much easier than just laying it at the feet of Jesus. Although I know He can bear it much better than I can (and He already knows the outcome), I like to be in control-or at least think I am-and hold on to the weight of the burden. Not to mention the spiritual dry spell I am going through but that's another blog for another day.

So after feeling down in my spirit for the past few days, I come into the office today, check my e-mail, and find this as the devotion from the daily devotional e-mail I receive:

Today's Verse from the New Living Translation

The LORD always keeps his promises;
he is gracious in all he does.
The LORD helps the fallen
and lifts those bent beneath their loads. …
The LORD is righteous in everything he does;
he is filled with kindness.
The LORD is close to all who call on him,
yes, to all who call on him in truth.
He grants the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

Psalm 145:13–14, 17–19
view in context

Encouragement for Today

Do you feel overwhelmed, weighed down beneath heavy burdens of too much responsibility, poor health, wayward children, or financial woes? Don't be afraid to call on God and cry out to him for help. If the truth is that you're in dire need of help, that's okay—call on God. Whatever your situation is, take it to God. Trust that he's "gracious in all he does" and "filled with kindness." Believe that he's close to you and will grant your deepest desires.

Now, my friend, tell me my God isn't good!?!?! I am amazed at how intently He listens to my cares and concerns and provides before I even know what I need. Why He is so loving and giving to me, I'll never know but I'm so grateful that He is. Thank You, Lord.

Back with more later,
B

Day 16

2008-09-16T20:53:00.009-05:00

So...yeah. Don't feel like writing but I'm trying to be thankful. My mood is down tonight and I just wanna be left alone with my thoughts. Maybe I'll write more on the mood later but for now, I just want to do my TI30 and be done. So here goes...

1. My support system at church. Although it's annoying to have your phone ringing off the hook sometimes and 50 people chasing you down to tell/ask you something, it secretly invigorates me. I love being a point person and being in leadership. Lest that sound haughty, I feel that I'm good at organizing, delegating and following up-which simply lends my personality towards leadership. Here lately I've been a little lax but I'm trying to tighten up the ship.

2. I love Autumn-the weather, the feeling in the air, the food, the holidays, the symbolism (new beginnings. I know, that's supposed to be Spring but think about it. Besides the environment most of the rest of us celebrate endings in Spring-school, sports seasons, tv seasons, etc. But in Autumn, there is the beginning of school, a new church year, new tv shows/seasons, etc. So Autumn is the new Spring. :) Ha!) The only thing I miss is being in NC for the changing of the leaves. Texas is SURE not as pretty when it comes to scenery and I miss scenes like this (taken from the Grandfather Mountain website).

3. My Alma Mater-Lee University. I received a mailing from the Alumni Relations department today and it just made me miss good ol' Cleveland. Those were good days and I'd love to visit soon. I realized tonight that I haven't been back in over a year. Sad. But I'm thankful for the Christian education I received there and for the impact it made on my life. I definitely wasn't the same person I was finishing as when I started. That small, Church of God university tucked away in a valley in the Southeastern corner of Tennessee holds a very special place in my heart.

So that's all for now. Perhaps I'll expound on my mood later.

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 15

2008-09-15T22:28:00.006-05:00

Yes, I'm actually sitting down at the end of the day to write this. Whether I finish this before I doze off is yet to be determined but hey, at least I'm trying.

Today's Thankful in 3o

1. I wish you could have been here today. The weather here in Paris was absolutely GORGEOUS! I was a little chilly on my way to work this morning but it was a perfect Autumn morning and Autumn hasn't even arrived yet. We started out in the upper 50's and by lunch were in the upper 60's. By 5:00, when I got off work, we were at the mid-70's and I was LOVING it! Sunroof open, windows down-it was the perfect day here weather wise. Thank you, Lord for the little tease of Fall this week. You are such an awesomely creative God who has such masterpieces in creation!

2. I know I'm stuck on food items but tonight I had a little piece of heaven that I had forgotten about in the form of...

JIFFY MUFFIN MIX

I know, I know. A very trivial food but have you tasted the sweet, buttery goodness of Jiffy corn muffins lately? AH-MAZE-ING!!! So yes, I'm thankful for Jiffy.

3. Lastly, tonight I'm thankful for communication. I'm so grateful that we, as humans, can express ourselves and communicate our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. That quality that is unique to humans invigorates me and excites me as I cherish the differences in the ways that we each emote. Thank you, Lord for the ability to communicate and the enjoyment of receiving others'.
*******************************************************************
Well, I made it but I'm tired. So with that, au revoir mes amis!

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 14

2008-09-15T16:27:00.006-05:00

Yes, I'm still a day behind. But here's the deal-yesterday was completely draining for me-physically, emotionally, and mentally.

A synopsis of the day's events:

~To church early enough to find a couple problems but not early enough to have time to fix them. Have to find time to do that this week. So much work to be done there but my body is about a week behind my brain.
~Tried to teach Sunday School to my 10-14 year olds who think they are too cool for everything. Do you know how hard that is???
~Service was good but I felt a heaviness. There was a strain for me there and it's really hard for me to push through when I know I haven't been on top of my spiritual A-game throughout the week.
~The afternoon was dull-didn't accomplish much but did watch a Richard Gere movie. I missed the last 15 minutes so I have no idea how it ended and I didn't catch the title so I've gotta figure out which one it was.
~Drama ministry practice w/my kids (a mix of youth ages 10-15 w/a 4 year old thrown in) really tested my patience. I love them and they're doing great w/the song we're choreographing but they LOVE to goof off. Normally this wouldn't bother me but when we're trying to accomplish something in a limited amount of time, it works my nerves. But God helped me through it and I have a few days til the next one rolls around. Hopefully we'll be performing in the next few weeks.
~The evening service was...interesting. I'll leave it at that. I spent some time at the altar just praying for all the situations in my life. None of them directly involve me but I'm tired of carrying around all the worry. I know I do that to myself but it's still really hard to resist. I also got to reconcile with a friend whom I've been missing for a long time. Slowly, we're finding the Lord restoring our friendship. I'm very, very thankful for that.
~Got to see Pastor's new house after church and it is super cute! The backyard is perfect for the kids and the dog and I can see us spending a lot of time on the back porch this fall. I'm excited for them to get moved and situated.
~Talked to Z for a while after I got home-and polished off the oatmeal cookies-oops. :) We had a good chat about "stuff". It was really good to be able to talk to him. I miss him so much and am looking forward to seeing him this weekend. We're going on a date Friday night and perhaps to the Plano Hot Air Balloon festival Saturday. I'm just really anxious to be face-to-face with him again. I've really missed him these past 2 weeks.
~Fell asleep on the couch (hence no TI30) and made it the bed a little after 2am.

So as you can see, yesterday's behavior was not very conducive to blog writing and therefore, here I am. So without further ado, yesterday's Thankful in 30.

1. The #1 thing I am thankful for is my Jesus who meets me every time I step toward Him and takes on all my burdens and allows me to carry His. I read a statement recently that said something to the effect that we can walk miles away from God but it only takes 1 step to get back to Him. I am so grateful that even in the times I run away from the very One my heart needs, that in an instant, with a single step I can return to Him. Not that I've been running lately but in those moments, when I do return, I am able to cast every anxiety and fear on Him and take up His yoke for His "yoke is easy and (My) burden is light". Thank you Jesus for taking on all my pain and allowing me to cast my cares on You. Indeed, You do care for me.

2. I am also thankful for life's little moments of comedy. For instance, I mentioned how stressful my drama ministry practice was, but at some point during rehearsal, Gabe (my favorite 4 year old) came to me asking if he could be "God". Since he'd been begging me all practice to be "Jesus", I said yes just to appease him. Not 5 minutes later, here came Gabe up the aisle of the sanctuary with his arms and hands extended in true yoga style saying in his most "God-like" voice, "Here comes God!" It was the cutest thing and I needed that little chuckle during such a stressful time.

3. I confirmed with my mother that all of my family survived the hurricane safely. My aunt and uncle in Houston were without power and as of Sunday night were traveling to stay with my Grandmother for a few days. They suffered minimal wind damage and their daughter who resides in a different area of Houston only had water that came in through the window of her apartment. Grandmother lost a pear tree from her front yard but other than that came out well. Overall, everyone came out well and I am thankful for protection and favor during the storm. He is a faithful God who loves and cares for His children and I thank Him for grace and mercy on my loved ones.

Well, I guess with this post I am officially 'caught up' - at least until tonight when I forget or fall asleep again and have to catch up again tomorrow. But for now, I pray God's blessings on each of you. If you think about it, say a prayer for Z and his family tonight and tomorrow as the visitation and funeral for his grandmother are during those times. I know it will be difficult for him and his family.

~B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 13

2008-09-14T22:04:00.004-05:00

Wow... I actually forgot about blogging yesterday. It was such a calm, peaceful Saturday (in spite of the hurricane) that I just went to bed without even thinking of TI30. I guess that will be #1 on my list for the day...

Thankful in 30
1. Calm, peaceful Saturdays when I don't have a thing to do. Although I was supposed to be in Henderson, that trip got cancelled thanks to Ike so I spent most of the day Saturday (after sleeping in since I had a late night of cleaning on Friday) doing more cleaning, getting organized and watching tv. Do you know how rare that is for me to be able to do that? I honestly can't remember the last Saturday I had nowhere to be or nothing to do. Thank goodness for catch up days-I even made oatmeal cookies. YUM :)

2. Family is family wherever you go. I heard from a cousin Friday that I saw at the reunions in July and it was so good to hear from her. I'm thankful that even though we may not see each other but once a year, we're family 24/7/365 and I love them!

3. Oatmeal cookies are my favorite & I (with the help of Betty Crocker) made an incredible batch. They are just plain oatmeal without raisins or any extras but I do love oatmeal chocolate chip & I should have put some of my many, many pecans in these. They are so yummy & I swear, I could eat the whole bowl of dough without ever baking one cookie!

Since I'm behind, I'll go for now. But I'll try to stay caught up as much as I can. Hope everyone will continue to remember those affected by Hurricane Ike in their thoughts & prayers.

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 12

2008-09-13T01:25:00.006-05:00

Well, another day, another dollar earned. Thankfully (no pun intended), it's the weekend. I'm a bit nervous about this impending hurricane. I know Paris is a long way from the coast and according to my personal meteorologist, I have nothing to worry about. But it still makes me a bit anxious... I'm sure I'll be fine.

Today's Thankful in 30

1. The Holy Spirit is certainly something to be thankful for. Today I've been praying for Him to comfort the Parker family-especially Sharon. She lost her mom today and as that is the first parent that either she or Pastor Parker have lost, I know it will be hard. It was an unexpected passing yet I know it was no surprise to the Lord. They traveled to OK late tonight (thank you for safety of travel, God) and will be there through Tuesday after the funeral takes place. I'm thankful that the Lord gave us His Holy Spirit to comfort and give peace that passes understanding and I'm praying He'll do that for them in the days to come.

2. My friends in Paris are definitely a source of gratitude for me. I'm amazed that I've been here over a year now and how welcoming the people have been toward me. As of late, I haven't had much time to spend with my friends here with so much going on at church and trying to see Zeb as much as I can. I've just been staying so busy. But tonight I caught up a little with my 2nd family here and it was so good to spend time with them. They are a lot of fun and I know I can be myself with them which is such a good feeling. It felt good just to hang out again and I hope to have more time in the near future to see them more often. Thank you God for the friends I've made and for moving me here so our paths could cross.

3. Tonight I'm also thankful for my job. It may not be my favorite job and there may be days (more often than not) that I don't want to get up and go to work but at least I have a job. The pay may not be great but hey, it's not long term. (Of course, I can't believe I've been working there for a year.) My co-workers are bearable and my work load is fairly easy most of the time. I have a paycheck that comes in every 2 weeks and decent benefits with health insurance provided. Thank you God for a place of employment, job security and your grace to make it through each work day.

4. A short blurb about Z:
I'm so thankful for Z and his calm composure. I freak out over the smallest things (if you couldn't already tell) and he is the perfect complement to that part of my personality. He keeps his composure and is level-headed and cool as a cucumber 99% of the time (that I've seen anyway). He loves it when I overreact and I do too-because it gives him a chance to be my protector, a feeling that is certainly unequaled and extremely comforting. God knew exactly the kind of personality that I would need to complement me in a relationship and I'm so thankful for Z. (Thanks for putting up with my antics, hun.)

That's all for tonight.

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 11

2008-09-12T09:58:00.011-05:00

Nope. I'm not gone. Just late on posting. With all the hurricane hype and angst paired with important church duties, I ended up with very little time to post yesterday. So here's Day 11's...

Thankful in 30:

1. In honor and memory of all those affected by 9-11, I am thankful for: freedom in the U.S., men & women who willingly volunteer themselves to serve our country, and the grace of God that continues to allow blessings on our nation.

2. After staying at the church much past dark last night, I'm thankful for safety. Churches can be scary places when the sun goes down, especially when the door was unlocked when I got there. I'm also praying for continued safety as it appears Hurricane Ike is heading to Paris for a visit. Lord, protect the residents of the Gulf and those in the path of this storm. You are the sovereign God who controls the wind and waves. I trust you.

3. After a chat with a good friend, I am thankful for Sunny D & sugar wafers. (I'll try not to eat a whole package in 2 days again but I'm not making any promises) :)

4. I furthered my way into the 21st century last night by becoming one of the millions that use Skype. A college friend had been begging me to get it for a while and I never had time to sit down with that intention. So last night, I finally did and let me just say that it has got to be one of THE coolest programs ever! We chatted, for free, via our computers and I could see him! I don't have a webcam so I couldn't see him but it was incredible all the same. Needless to say, Mom & Dad, we totally need to be Skyping. :) You'll love it! (And Dad already has a webcam so you won't have to buy anything! And IT'S FREE!!!)

That's all for now. Maybe tonight I'll actually post TI30 on the day it's supposed to be published.

:)

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

I Still Remember

2008-09-11T09:27:00.003-05:00

Day 10

2008-09-10T21:33:00.006-05:00

Thankful in 30:

1. Today, I am most grateful for nights when I can slip out of church, virtually unnoticed, and get home semi-early. Yes, tonight was one of those nights. I had no reason to hang around, had taken care of all necessary duties, and was hungry/tired. So I gathered my things, said a few goodbyes, and was home by 8:30. :) Those are nice every once in a while.

2. Days when I can proudly say that I'm 'caught up' at work. This hasn't happened in a couple months but boy does it feel good to spend a hard day of work and get things under control. Now maybe I can breathe easier for a bit-until I'm off again.

3. As cheesy (pun intended) as it sounds, I'm thankful for Bisquick's instant biscuit mixes. Tonight, I made garlic/cheese biscuits in less than 15 minutes and they were absolutely WONDERFUL! You should SO try them!

Looking forward to the approaching weekend-plan to spend it with Grandmother. Have really been missing Zeb as of late. We've had some very significant exchanges as of late and I'm finding that I love him more each day. Thank you God for the countless blessings you bestow on such an undeserving servant as myself. I love you, Daddy!

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Day 9

2008-09-10T08:18:00.005-05:00

Lest you think I've fallen off the thankfulness bandwagon, let me throw yesterday's list out there. I was utterly exhausted at the end of the day and knew that any attempt to write a coherent entry would prove to be futile. My brain was on auto-pilot and I scare myself sometimes with what I say when I'm in that state. But now that I've had a few hours sleep and feel a bit more lucid, here it is.

Thankful in 30

I'm thankful for:

1. Church members/workers who are passionate about the Lord. Right now, this applies to one of my Wednesday night teachers who is volunteering to help paint our nursery and a newly-appointed elder who is making phone calls to visitors and members alike. Our church needs about 50 more people like these two. I applaud them for their sacrificial efforts!

2. Friendly Wal-Mart employees. While picking up my groceries for the month, I ran into a girl who was stocking in the makeup aisles. She proceeded to show me some men's cologne that was on sale and then told me about some Crest Total Health kits on clearance for $1.50. I haven't had many unpleasant dealings with our Wal-Mart workers (in fact, last night most of them were quite friendly and greeted me when they saw me) but this young lady (whose 22nd birthday is today) was especially kind. Thank you Lord for knowing how much I dread going to W-M and providing me grace enough to make the trip more enjoyable.

3. Differences in people. I'm glad we aren't all carbon copies of each other and that each of us has our own opinions, views, thoughts, and ways of expressing ourselves. I was reminded of this blessing last night and though I do appreciate differences, I also recognized within myself a need to expand my horizons. God, give me a eyes that sees as Yours, a mind that thinks as Yours, and a heart that loves as Yours.

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

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